Berkeley, CA––NASA announced Tuesday that its 2.5 billion dollar Mars Curiosity Rover has successfully touched down in the Jesuit Seminary in Berkeley. For close to a decade, the Church and NASA alike have been fascinated with the possibility that the Jesuit seminary might at one time have contained the chemical resources and ingredients needed to support a religious community. The Rover has already begun to send back images to the NASA headquarters in Houston, one of which, researchers believe appear to be a pair of leather pants.
Thornwood, NY–Speaking to an assembly of Legionary of Christ seminarians this week, Communications Director for the Legionaries Jim Fair expressed outrage over the most recent scandal to hit the fragile religious congregation when just last week Legionary priest Ronald Mckellen was caught on tape with his hair parted down the middle; a clear violation of the rules and regulations of the congregation. “It is an outrage! It is a scandal, scandal, scandal!” Fair screamed to reporters gathered late yesterday evening. “Is it a sign of the times…I can’t say. Is it a sign of the end…I dare not say.” It was just two years ago that the congregation was forced to acknowledge that its founder Marcial Maciel had fathered children in spite of his vow of celibacy. “The Maciel thing was one thing,” one seminarian said, with tears in his eyes, “but this…this is too much.”
Original post date: 9/22/2012
Vatican City––According to the Vatican press office this week, tentative plans are being discussed with regards to a potential move of Orange County Diocese’s newly acquired Crystal Cathedral to Rome. The Cathedral was the home of the Reformed Church in America until it was bought out in 2010 by the Diocese of Orange. One Vatican official who asked to remain anonymous said Wednesday that a handful of Cardinals have proposed to offset the cost of the unprecedented move by the sale of an undisclosed church in Rome. No details have been revealed as to which churches in the Roman diocese are being considered, but some analysts believe that with the pope’s deep devotion and appreciation for glass made cathedrals, that the sale of the Sistine Chapel is not out of the question. Other questions being discussed at the time are whether the Crystal Cathedral can comfortably fit in what woud be its new location between the arms of the Bernini Columns in St. Peter’s Square, and whether the Cathedral would in fact take over St. John Lateran as the new ecclesial seat of the bishop of Rome.
Rome, Italy––In what many were touting “The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife,” the recently discovered, 4th century papyrus found by a historian at Harvard Divinity School seemed to shed light on an age old debate on whether Jesus ever married. The papyrus, no larger than a business card, contains the phrase, “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife…’” But it is now being reported that a second, smaller piece of papyrus has been unearthed not far from the first. The words, in small and fading black letters, seem a continuation from the first fragment, and contain the phrase, “…is the Church. Case closed.” No word yet if any more of the papyrus exists, but researchers at the university say they are hopeful.