SSPX Acolyte Stumbles During Offertory; Mass Deemed Invalid

October 9, 2012 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

Tempe, AZ––12-year-old acolyte Jake Brody atoned for his sin Sunday for having negligently stumbled on his way to the altar earlier that morning. The Mass was immediately stopped when the presiding priest, Robert Dillard, deemed it no longer valid. “It was just a mistake, I understand,” Dillard admitted, but explained that stumbling did not appear anywhere in the 1962 missal. “Jake is making amends for his culpa as we speak, but he’ll be replaced nevertheless for the next Mass.” When asked why such a seemingly trivial matter should result in a stoppage of Mass, Dillard responded, “What’d you just say?”

  • http://www.ironiccatholic.com Ironic Catholic

    FYI, whoever you are, you are awesome. You’re inspiring me.

  • fan

    This site is awesome! Beware, its going to take off in a hurry. Seriously, pretty soon all the catholic nets will know about it. You’re going to need a facebook page, twitter account, etc. Maybe more writers, some sponsors, and stuff like that.

  • http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester Jeffrey Miller

    Wow you just keep hitting them out of the park!

  • Roberto Bencivenga

    Lovely site! I would hate to be the first one to knit-pick on a wonderful idea and satire, but can a 12-year old be an acolyte, or just an altar server? Isn’t “acolyte” a canonical role reserved to adult males?

  • Nico Fassino

    I agree with “fan”‘s comment. This is blowing up in Madison, WI. You are hysterical. I was crying at my desk when I read the line about stumbling not appearing in the 1962 Missal. Please keep it up. And make a facebook page.

  • kfoll

    Lemme know if you want another writer – I’ve been known to do some satire in my day, and Catholic to boot!

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  • Natstelle

    Subscribing!

  • I am not Spartacus

    Smashing. This is hysterical. I presume those in partial communion have not cast off their humor

  • Naked Caesar

    Being a weekly communicant at an SSPX chapel, I must say this was quite the shame. I know that kid. We had to make him serve out his penance in the iron maiden. (Can I also just say, there’s nothing more anti-climactic than the comments section of this blog. You should turn them off and just let the funny speak for itself.)

  • DDX

    Not found in the missal and among the many scriptural references to “stumbling” none that address this! Oh dear! WWJD? Laugh I think.

  • Cheeky Pink Girl

    I’m ready to go on writing Catholic snark.

  • John

    It is NOT a sin to stumble during Mass. People trip all the time. That’s a horrible thing to do to an Altar Server who made an honest mistake that almost everyone makes

  • Fr. Deacon Robert

    If every time there was a mistake, stumble or fumble during a liturgy it was stopped because it was viewed as “invalid”, I doubt there would be many completed liturgies in the history of the Church.

    • Farmer John

      John and Fr. Deacon Robert:
      It’s satire. It’s satire. It’s satire.
      “Satire is a genre of literature, and sometimes graphic and performing arts, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement.”

  • Alex Lessard

    Asinine.

  • Marko

    “What’d you just say?”
    LOL – that was it! :D

    • vincent

      “in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule”

      You just pulled the rug out from under your own argument. It isn’t funny, it doesn’t have a faint ring of truth, it’s just stupid.

  • Michael Leggett

    Incredible Snarktitude!

  • ThereseZ

    would someone explain the “what’d you just say?” to me? I know it’s funny, you’re all laughing, but I don’t know why!?

    • Pedro Dias

      Sedevacantists like the ones that compose the SSPX are *super* reactionary to any kind of change, and thinks every single detail ought not to have any kind of alteration, or it is basically an offense against to the Holy Spirit and accuse you of heresy right in the next second. EOTT parodied this attitude by making a super-deal out of a trivial matter. ;)

      It’s like the classic joke about them:
      Q: How many sedevacantists does it take to change a light bulb?
      A: Stupid question. None of them can stand to change anything.

      • Gabriel Galeano

        Dear Pedro, the SSPX aren’t sedevacantists. :) I attend Masses regularly at our local chapel run by the Society and prayers ordered by the Holy Father are said, as well as prayers for Him and the diocesan Bishop. The SSPX, although stubborn and disobedient to the Vatican II Church, do not ever deny the Chair of Peter is occupied.

        In Christ.
        +JMJ+

        • Pedro Dias

          So what’s up with your disbedience with the “Vatican II Church”, given that you do recognize that it has a legitimate Pope? If you “do not ever deny the Chair of Peter is occupied”, why are you challeging its authority?

          Call your Society what you want, but as long as you don’t take the Holy Father’s authority seriously, you’re sedevacantists in all practical standards and behaviours.

          • Gabriel Galeano

            Hello again, Pedro.

            I cannot speak on behalf of the SSPX, I’m afraid, sir. I’m just a parishioner, I like the Tridentine Mass and traditional Catholic doctrine.

            What the Society wants is for the Church (of which the Society has always been part) to return to Tradition and to forsake all modernism and liturgical abuse that permeates the Church.

            Disobeying your parents isn’t the same as disowning them.

            And by the way, I also attend the diocesan Masses where I live, whenever a TLM or a solemnly celebrated Latin Novus Ordo Mass is available. :)

          • Gabriel Galeano

            Anyway, brother. This is a satire website, so perhaps it isn’t the right place to discus this topic. We can do so on Facebook if you like.

      • http://quareidfaciam.net quif

        Yes, the joke’s plain enough. That last bit — “what’d you just say?” — is still cryptic, though.

  • BarefootCobbler

    The SSPX is God’s gift to satirists, humorists, and wise acres. An engraved invitation to make funny mischief.

  • PureCatholic

    I’m not SSPX but I go to Latin mass a few times a week and this is sssooo funny. lol