Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

January 24, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

European Starling eggs.

Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty for all creatures, including European Starlings, is “paramount, and the most important issue of our day.” “The European Starling is one of the last remaining creatures in the country whose eggs are not protected under federal laws,” a source with MSNBC told Eye of the Tiber. “As professional journalists we’re called to cover this story as we would any story. As humans we’re called to cover this story to help reverse the unjust decision of Bunfield vs. Mitchell. Also, it’s not like there’s anything else going on this weekend.” The European Starling had its federal protection removed after the landmark decision of Bunfield vs. Mitchell in 1942, when the court voted 9-3, deciding that poachers had the right to take and dispose of European Starling eggs, so long as they had not hatched. “That it’s actually ok to poach a Starling egg before it hatches is horrifying,” spokesman for PETA Rita Kern told reporters. “The fact of the matter is that it dehumanises us. There is literally nothing more important than saving the lives of these vulnerable eggs…and I mean nothing. We applaud those at MSNBC for their efforts.”

  • Trixie

    Spot on! Love the PETA reference. Unfortunately, I can see this actually happening.

  • Martha

    Save the baby humans!

  • Lucas

    It’s funny but oh-so-tragic… I’m glad to be able to laugh at something at which we should all weep. My prayers will be with all of you marching today.

  • Theresa

    OMG!!!!! I can’t believe that this is a major issue that gets more attention than abortion!!! Not that they shouldn’t be protected, but shouldn’t our unborn babies be given the same right to be born as these birds? To me, this is appalling!

  • Elizabeth

    The article was parody, just in case anyone didn’t get that… that’s what this web-site does. Kind of like the Catholic version of the Onion.

  • Mark Lister

    Pope Francis stated, “Even though this ‘is’ the year of mercy, I do not confer on any Priest or Bishop the power to absolve those who have poached one of these eggs. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I have that authority. Bunch of sickos will get what’s coming.”

  • Michael Leggett

    It is so MSNBC, which no one watches anyway.