Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed the beheading of Justice Anton Scalia in the National Mall. Under heavy security, Scalia, a conservative jurist in the Supreme Court, was escorted out of the National Mall by officials for questioning immediately after the Presidential Inauguration yesterday. “After hours of talks... Read More

Notre Dame Linebacker Duped Into Playing For Fake Catholic University

South Bend, IN––According to sources within the University of Notre Dame last week, star linebacker Manti Te’o was “duped” into attending and playing for what he believed to be a real Catholic university. The university told reporters that Te’o, who became the inspirational force behind the Fighting Irish’s Cinderella run to the BCS National Championship this season, was the target of an elaborate hoax perpetrated... Read More

SSPX Excommunicates Renegade Bishop For Installing Bishops Without Approval

Peoria, AZ – SSPX Arizona Bishop Gerald Leif confirmed Thursday that he has installed four bishops in spite of SSPX forbiddance. The move comes months after meetings collapsed between Bishop Leif and SSPX’s Superior General, Bernard Fellay. Leif, a prominent critic of the Society’s growing liberal view toward ecumenism has denounced the Society’s dialogue with the Vatican. A spokesman for the Diocese of Arizona declined to comment, but did say... Read More

Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s

In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary School student Adrian Townsend’s right to wear a cross necklace, the Chicago School Board announced today that crosses, crucifixes, and lower case T’s would be banned in all public schools in the Chicago Unified School District. “We feel that things such as the cross may be offensive to those students who have no religious affiliation,” President of the... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last time I performed the illusion, I was able to make nearly every one of my parishioners disappear,” said Richmond, noting that he has many other tricks as well, including Clown Mass and Gay Mass illusions. “The... Read More

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