Berkley, CA–University of California, Berkeley student Emanuel Ramsey revealed to Eye of the Tiber today that he was extremely nervous about possibly coming out of the closet to friends and fellow classmates about his opposition to gay marriage. The 20-year-old sophomore reported that he always felt like something was different about himself, saying that he first felt the “burning desire” to stand up against gay marriage when he was just a little boy. “My friend’s parents were lesbians,” Ramsey said. “I remember going to his house to play, and thinking all I wanted was to just leave…to just go home to witness the tender, heterosexual love of my mother and father…but I felt so ashamed.” Ramsey, who has toyed with the idea of coming out of the closet for some years now, went on to say that growing up in Berkeley, he always felt that he would be ridiculed and picked on if he ever came out against gay marriage. ”Look…I’m scared of disappointing my friends, my peers, and even some people at my parish…but the fact is that I’m more afraid of continuing to disappoint myself. I’ve been living a lie and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of hiding who I really am.” At press time, Ramsey has taken out an old, dusty photo of Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone hiding in his sock drawer, longing for the day he can finally, proudly put it up in his dorm room.

ENGLAND–The Most Reverend Justin Welby was formally enthroned earlier today as the Anglican Church’s 105th Archbishop of Canterbury. The ceremony took place in the 900-year-old Canterbury Cathedral in southern England, where Welby told those in attendance that he hoped to usher the Anglican community toward a more “Christ-liberated courage” in regards to acceptance of all lifestyles. Dressed in a cope, stole, and ornate, golden mitre, Welby symbolically struck the cathedral’s west door three times with his staff to formally request admittance into the cathedral. During the enthronement address, the archbishop challenged opponents of gay marriage to find exactly where in the Bible it said, “a man can’t marry another man.” “I say to you today, that it cannot be found,” the archbishop went on after a few minutes of silence. “But rather, let us look to 1 Corinthians 1:10, word 9, ‘Homosexuals’…then to Colossians 2:23, word 3, ’May’…then to 1 Corinthians 7:28, word 5, ’Marry’…and finally to Jeremiah 23:35, words 8 and 9, ‘One another.’”