Christendom College Student Won’t Shut Up With The Latin Already
Salem, OR––Friends of Christendom College freshman Ben Tate reported this week that he “hasn’t shut up with the whole Latin thing since returning for spring break.” The 19-year-old undergrad had just recently returned from Front Royal, Virginia for break when friends began to notice there was something different about him. “Well, we knew there was something wrong with him the moment we picked him up from the airport,” longtime friend Roger McNerney told Eye of the Tiber. “When we asked how things were going, he just sat back, took a deep breath and said, “‘Deus bonum est, my friends…Deus…bonum…est.'” McNerney went on to say that he and other friends are suspicious that Tate sometimes just makes up his own Latin, ending English words with -eum and -eus, knowing that no one else knows the language, and therefore cannot call him out on it. “Look…I may not know Latin, but I do know BS. I asked him what he thought about the whole North Korea thing and he came back with, ‘Well, as Socrates once said, “Situatsionem non est goodum.”‘ The family of the 19-year-old sophomore would not return our calls, but a spokesman for the Tate family have asked the public to keep their insufferable son in their prayers.