Parishioner At The Back Of Long Confession Line Sure Is Optimistic

May 19, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized


Brooklyn, NY–Walking to the back of a nauseatingly long confession line with only five minutes to go before Mass yesterday evening, an undeterred and naively optimistic Christopher Repin smiled and greeted penitents in front of him. “God bless you guys,” a cheerful and relaxed Repin told people around him as he held up two fingers in a peace sign for those near the front of the line. Sources say that Repin appeared so at ease in spite of his terrible chances of actually making it in that many parishioners, who were repeatedly and frantically checking their watches, just assumed he was “nuts,” and tried to avoid making eye contact with the confident freak. 31-year-old Bill Weber who was second in line told Eye of the Tiber that he initially chuckled to himself when he saw Repin actually get in line. “I looked at my watch then looked at the line and I was like please. I’m second up and just barely gonna make it. But the guy’s so cheerful and positive…as if he actually has a chance. Guy must be a wacko.” At press time, parishioners in line were relieved to see Repin glance at his watch.

  • Bellini

    Should’ve went to the EF, confessions until the Sanctus!

    • Will

      “Should have gone.” I expect better grammar from traddies.

  • Veronica

    At least the poor guy was GOING to confession!!! Maybe the Church would consider “speed confessing”?

  • Fidei Defensor

    VATICAN CITY – McDonalds Corp. and the Holy See have begun a new drive thru confessional concept. In this new confessional system, the penitant would drive up to the speaker and choose the sins from a menu board giving the combo numb……um, sin number and the number of times committed, the driver would then be instructed to drive to the first window to recite a short form Act of Contrition then pull to the second window for absolution and penance. Stay tuned for an announcement on where this new confessional will be opened.

  • To speed up the line, Fr. McJolly decided to eliminate the in-between time when people enter and exit the confessional by having the parishioners in line play telephone with their confessions. Fr. McJolly gave it up after one attempt, though, fearing for his life when he heard one of his parishioners was “ere to kill,” scaring him, instead of him hearing “on the pill,” which is no longer considered a sin in his parish.

  • Gaby

    Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell