“Sedevacantist Singles” Employees Not Sure Whether To Recognize Authority Of Company President

June 6, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized


Seattle, WA–After being called in to a meeting by Sedevacantist Singles President Michael Hoffman early Thursday morning, employees of the ultra-traditionalist dating site were perplexed as to whether to acknowledge their CEO’s authority, and to attend the mandatory meeting, sources confirm. “I’m just not sure whether to believe he’s the real president,” said Barbara Dolby, a new employee of the company. “Many of my co-workers say that our board of directors sold out when they implemented some weird policy changes that are at complete odds with what we stand for, such as allowing members to write their profiles in the vernacular. Therefore, the board never truly had the authority to choose our current President, Mr. Hoffman. Also, though I’ve only been here a couple weeks, I’ve noticed that he [Hoffman] does do a lot modern crap during meetings, like making us all sit at an oval-shaped table in the boardroom so that we can see each other and ‘better communicate.’ At press time, Hoffman has received an email from one staffer saying in part that no employee would attend the meeting about boosting membership from its current number of three men and two women, until Hoffman consented to having all meetings done with his back toward the employees.

  • Fidei Defensor

    In an email forwarded amongst the employees, a new “board” meeting is being convened in the vacant Borders book store across the street.

  • A Semiprivationist wouldn’t touch this heresy with a ten foot Crook

  • I cried laughing at this. So much goodness.

    If “The Chair is Empty”, do Sedevacantists have a chairman of the board? Is he an Empty-Chairman of the Board?

  • Maggie

    Ha! As much as this is meant to be a satire of the sedevacantist’s position, it’s very telling of the Novus Ordo view of religious practice. And that’s the SV point, Eye of the Tiber, which you sadly missed.

    To draw a comparison between worship of God and a board meeting actually works against you, given the clown masses, spirit balloons and holy beach balls that are going on for real in your “Catholic” church.

    Satire only answers in a reductio ad absurdum form; but your attempt to pretend that the SV position is absurd only highlights the very real absurdity that is the Novus Ordo. (Right…SV is absurd, but ugly felt pictures, rock bands in the sanctuary, and love dovey priest talk is not.. SV is absurd, but holy water guns and Spiderman priests are not. ….Right….)

    You can’t satirize what you don’t know and you obviously don’t know the SV position. Just a tip: unlike your understanding of Right Religion, the Catholic faith is not decided in board meeting fashion. Cause that would be called “collegiality” of “Gallicanism” – condemned by Pope IX at Vatican I. Don’t you hate it when your “Catholic” satire starts playing nice with heresy?

    • Catholic with a sense of humor

      Geesh, this is satire lady. Read the article about the clown mass on EOTT. I really don’t think this site is some “Novus Ordo” propaganda machine. In addition, perhaps you should also read the article on mideast relations and take a heavy dose of chill pill.

    • Steve

      Now THAT’S satire!

  • Lee Bacchi

    Terrific satire, thanks!

  • Lee Bacchi

    Ever hear of a conclave to elect a new Pope?

    • Carver

      What about it?

  • franciswithwolves

    Pope IX is my favourite Pope of all time!

    The best way to prove that Sedevacantists are thoughtless and wrong is just to let them speak.

    • Carver

      Not like paragons of virtue and faith such as yourself….

      • franciswithwolves

        Thanks for proving my point – and I’m glad you waited 3 years to make it.

        • Carver

          1. I’m aware of the time lag. If you’d bother with gathering actual facts (which, granted, seem anathema to your sect) then you’d know that.
          2. Please specify, preferably after learning what “proof” is (which “charitably” assumes you aren’t just the same old rash, calumniating liar) just how I “proved” anything as opposed to just jacklighting your hypocisy.
          3. The continued snark and general assines, speaking of, only shows that the time lapse is irrelevant. I understand that sophisms, illicit rhetoric, and irrelevancies are likely your stock and trade, ala “man with a hammer”, but you won’t be using them effectively here.

          However, please keep typing so we can all better see how thoughtless and wrong people “not you” are.

          • franciswithwolves

            I have a response for you all ready, just going to edit it for another 35 months or so. 🙂

            No, just kidding! You seem angry! Life’s too short, friend. Christ is risen, it’s Good News. No need to get so hot and bothered! I hope your mission of defending years old comments toward sedevacantists continues to go well. Peace!

          • Carver

            Uh huh…

  • Jakob Pohlman

    Omgsh LOL. The irony is too much .

  • convertcatapult

    I don’t care if it’s intended to be humor, it’s annoying garbage because it makes no sense. Sedevacantists would have no problem submitting to a pope who actually believes and teaches what the Church has always taught. Authority jokes fall in the SSPX department, because they honestly believe that Franky boy in Rome is Catholic while simultaneously teaching error. Flipping their Catholic switch off and on whenever they deem something their pontiff teaches to be too modernist for the tastes of who exactly?

    • Carver

      Sometimes it’s just a joke, no? Past a certain point it is just true, and not a joke that may highlight something that is.
      Example: Why does God make women so lovely? So that men will love them. Why does God make women so stupid? So that they’ll love men.

      It isn’t some rigorously logical construct. If it were it wouldn’t be a joke. Sincere laughter keeps me from despair.

      Now, if anyone is, frankly, stupid enough to take humor for Theology or Ecclesiology…*ahem*… no danger “here” I’m sure, not that much if not most of what passes for such isn’t actually a joke…

  • Newtemplar

    I just can’t work out if it was meant to be

  • Luis Vera

    Wrong wrong wrong wrong,unlike the conciliar “popes” the supposed CEO hasnt committed apostacy