“Sedevacantist Singles” Employees Not Sure Whether To Recognize Authority Of Company President
Seattle, WA–After being called in to a meeting by Sedevacantist Singles President Michael Hoffman early Thursday morning, employees of the ultra-traditionalist dating site were perplexed as to whether to acknowledge their CEO’s authority, and to attend the mandatory meeting, sources confirm. “I’m just not sure whether to believe he’s the real president,” said Barbara Dolby, a new employee of the company. “Many of my co-workers say that our board of directors sold out when they implemented some weird policy changes that are at complete odds with what we stand for, such as allowing members to write their profiles in the vernacular. Therefore, the board never truly had the authority to choose our current President, Mr. Hoffman. Also, though I’ve only been here a couple weeks, I’ve noticed that he [Hoffman] does do a lot modern crap during meetings, like making us all sit at an oval-shaped table in the boardroom so that we can see each other and ‘better communicate.’ At press time, Hoffman has received an email from one staffer saying in part that no employee would attend the meeting about boosting membership from its current number of three men and two women, until Hoffman consented to having all meetings done with his back toward the employees.