Bitter Old Man Writes Angry Letter To Vatican Using All Caps

September 19, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life

envelope (1)

Boonville, NC–Writing under the pen name “Nerocious,” 67-year-old Max Kroeger of Boonville, North Carolina sent an irate letter to the Vatican this week denouncing what he called the “abuse and corruption” inside the Vatican. Kroeger reported this morning that the 12,000 word letter addressed to “TO WHOM IT MUST CONCERN” was the fruit of a vigorous and ferocious one hour writing session he had had the prior evening after finishing the book Hitler’s Pope. Father Roberto Abate, who had the privilege of opening the letter, told Eye of the Tiber that he had never seen such a well crafted letter in all his years. “It was outstanding,” Abate said, still in tears by the fervor that seemed to pour forth from the passionately written letter. “I was moved even before I read its contents. The entire thing was written in caps, which automatically caught my attention and alerted me to the fact this was a serious matter, and that this man, whoever he was, was extremely furious about the state of the Church.” Abate went on to say that the masterfully executed letter, with its flawless use of allĀ caps, as well a large number of just perfectly positioned bold ones that helped to emphasize certain aspects Kroeger believed the Church was lacking, could very well make it to the Holy Father’s desk. “This is what the Pope likes to see. It is not enough to write a letter. You must mean it…you must make it stand out. After all, without capitalized words, bold words, underlined words, and perhaps even highlighted words pointing out phrases that you don’t want the reader to overlook, how can you expect anyone to know that you’re frustrated?”

  • Jes

    You forgot the crayons. REALLY important letters tend to be written in crayon, with different colours for emphasis.

  • Communication Tips–good satire

  • Veronica

    Not widely reported was that there was also pretty little sprinkles in the envelope, shaped like teeny tiny crosses and Christian “fish”.

  • I SEE THEY GOT MY LETTER!
    –Nerocious