Eye Of The Tiber 2013 Year In Review

December 31, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life

EOTT2013(2)

This January, Canadian pastor Ben Gregor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours after no laity could be found to bring up the gifts to the altar. After being questioned as to why there needed be anyone to bring up the gifts, Gregor justified his decision telling EOTT that, “Without Mary’s Fiat, there is no Jesus to be born; and without the laity’s Fiat in presenting, there is no bread to... Read More

Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire

December 27, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass

$10

Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though he were some sort of Beverly Hills millionaire. “He pulled out a crisp $10 bill from his billfold, snapped it a couple times, folded in half, and flicked it with his finger as if he hadn’t a financial care... Read More

Ambitious Woman Chooses To Read “Verse In One Year Bible” As New Year’s Resolution

December 26, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life

JesusWept

Charlotte, NC––After having failed to finish her One Year Bible for the third consecutive year in a row, Debbie Scholes of Charlotte, North Carolina committed herself yesterday to reading an entire verse from the Bible as her New Year’s resolution, sources confirmed. “She’s tried for years to read the entire Bible in a year, but she always just starts losing momentum about a week or so in,” the source told reporters. “Luckily... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

December 24, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass

Crusades

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset, as I was, and routed from my aisle seat by congregants that only attend the Holy Mass on Christmas and Easter, my family and I surrendered our aisle unwillingly during this the 5th minute of the... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

December 22, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old New Philadelphian Gary Walker told his grandchildren that he remembered a time when a man could own a bible without fear of public humiliation and execution. “Oh, I see the skepticism in your faces,” Walker told his grandchildren as he sat in a rocking chair beside the fire. “But believe you me, there was a time not long ago when a man could sit down at a local... Read More

Next Page »