Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

June 1, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics


Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared their story of having a 5-year-old transgender daughter who became a boy, but will not let him leave the dinner table until he finishes his vegetables.

Biff and Tiffany Witlessberg, who posted a touching YouTube video showing little Pat’s female-to-male transition, are currently sitting with stern looks on their faces until “every carrot on that plate disappears, young man.”

“I am a boy,” the long blonde haired toddler reportedly declared to his parents, sneaking a boiled-tasteless baby carrot to the family dog while his parents checked the hit count on their video.

“He’s always doing this,” said Pat’s mother, pointing at the slowly-emptying plate. “He had the nerve to ask if he could have dessert first. That’s not the way things work, Mister. You can’t just decide to have dessert whenever you feel like it.”

At the end of the interview, Pat confirmed to EOTT that he was, in fact, a boy, as well as a college graduate.

  • Mark

    This is The Onion quality.

    • Mark

      That’s what I meant. Don’t you love The Onion?

  • Best article yet.

  • Ryan Meade

    My nephew wants to be a fire truck. But my sister won’t let him, because she’s a bad mommy.

    • sarena828


  • AreAy

    I wanted to be Spiderman when I was a 6 years old. My parents eventually allowed it, and I fell off a 30-story building.

    • sarena828


    • glenbo

      >>”My parents eventually allowed it”<<
      You should be proud of your parents.

  • Joshua Raymond

    At pre-school graduation yesterday, two little boys said they wanted to be ‘fire hydrants’. I feel sad that their parents probably will not let them to become their true calling.

  • James Montoya

    Talk about a messed up set of priorities! God forbid you ask for desert even though you didn’t finish your tasteless carrots, but it’s okay to change your gender and claim to be a college graduate at 5 y/o. Smh!

    • kcard82

      You do realize this is satire, right?

    • sarena828

      Thank God you are not his parent!

  • PureCatholic

    Its sad that even though this is satire, things like this are probably still happening. 🙁

  • Tom


  • LX5000

    It’s hard to find satirical humour in normalizing anything from diabolical influence.

  • glenbo

    Moral of this story:
    Only gender conforming children can waste food.