Woman Who Believes Church Has No Respect For Women Can’t Wait To See Fifty Shades Of Grey

August 3, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

South Jordan, UT––Citing the Catholic Church’s centuries old “tradition” of misogyny and overall hatred toward women, local Catholic Debra Wilhelm told friends and family today that she, nevertheless, could hardly wait another moment for the release of the new Fifty Shades of Grey film.

“The Catholic Church is not only one of the most anti-woman institutions in the world, but it has also been led by some of the most chauvinistic men, whose violent and carnal sexual appetites could’ve made Satan blush,” Wilhelm said of the Church as she flipped through her heavily marked and highlighted copy of the erotic romance.

“If we allow unenlightened and unsophisticated Catholics like Matt Fradd to continue putting a spin on the Church’s sexist attitudes, the Church will continue to treat us like we’re lesser beings,” Wilhelm continued to say as she sat in a hand basket wondering where she was going. “Women will never be able to attain the dignity we deserve. The hierarchy of the Church will continue to bind us, restrain us, and subjugate us, always looking for a way to make us submissive to their selfish desires. They will continue to deny us the right to freely hand over our own free will to a rich, sexy man.”

  • grzybowskib

    Unfortunately many women are probably actually like that. 🙁

  • TruthWins

    “…..Wilhelm continued to say as she sat in a hand basket wondering where she was going.”

    That is PURE gold. 🙂

  • Christina Jeffrey

    People parrot what they hear others say – at least the first person to say it usually knows why they say what they say and has an agenda. Those in the handbaskets, handmaidens of the Left, haven’t a clue

    • Jo Flemings

      Tsk, tsk tsk…. let’s not gender? discriminate— our hand baskets can accommodate everyone who insists on squeezing in!

  • I love this site and the satire … but the past week or so this story has actually proven to be more truth than satire and it is quite sad for the state of our society. We are so backwards!

    • Levente Borvak

      Well said.

  • mithril1971


  • Patti Maguire Armstrong

    Last month, I heard Dr. Phil recommend to one of his guests with a weak libido, to read Fifty Shades of Grey. Very sad to have him directing people to such trash.

    • guest

      Well he had his license taken away for having an illicit affair with a female patient…so I’m hardly surprised

  • stlhdsal

    That’s funny! Thanks for sharing.

  • What is Fifty Shades of Grey? A film or a book?

    • Ah, I see, a novel turned into a film, obviously. Should have put on my glasses.

      • Jo Flemings

        I thought it was a hair color….

        • sixlittlerabbits

          We should be so lucky.

    • Valerien

      A mere bad fanfiction after an even worse franchise, that leaked out of its septic tank and spread out of control.

  • fredx2

    The LCWR will be hosting a panel discussion at their next meeting “Fifty Shades of Grey – New, Exciting Theology or New, Exciting Theology?”

    • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

      Or will this be the title for the new Spring Line of Religious Clothing, since it seems that “Grey is the New Black”?

      • Jo Flemings

        Grey is the new “White or Black.”

    • You have to give them some option: 50 shades of gray – exciting feminist theology or exciting application of theology?

    • sixlittlerabbits

      LOL. When I protested that Sr. Margaret A. Farley’s book “Just Love” is NOT Catholic theology, an elderly sister in a dwindling order that belongs to the LCWR asked me why that would bother me.

  • PureCatholic

    “unsophisticated Catholics like Matt Fradd” I spat out my drink…… I think I wrecked my computer…..

  • SmellsBells

    Does this “Debra Wilhelm” really live South Jordan, UT? There is a “Debra (or “Deborah”) Wilhelm” in San Luis Obispo, CA that actually believes she’s a deacon in the Church. Part of a “deacon couple.” A true sexist-feminista. A nut job.

    • Shawna Mathieu

      This is a satire site.

  • Matt

    This is satire, right???

    • HappyCatholic

      Well, it’s supposed to be… Sadly, it’s more fact than fiction.

  • wlinden

    And even worse, they won’t let women be part of it!

  • Gail Finke

    “… Wilhelm continued to say as she sat in a hand basket wondering where she was going.” H A HA HA

  • JC

    The bookstores used to have a fiction area called “Chick-Lit”. I called it “Fiction for Emotionally Shallow Women”.

  • Guest

    The US is suffering from a LACK of desire on the part
    of its women. Think about it. You have a full time job. Your
    significant other is unemployed. You are on the Pill — which makes
    women choose
    men who are, er, ‘Type B’ to start with. So, um, what’s going to light
    your fire? A guy who dominates you! Despite EVERYTHING your mom and the
    TV has told you for 40 years! WHAT a surprise! LOL

  • Adam Hovey

    I wrote a blog article on this. I called it “50 Shades Mentality and the end of western culture”. Yep, I believe this is the end of western culture. I suggest that, we as Catholics, fast today.

    • William

      Fast AND flagellate!

      • Jo Flemings

        This is a total hoot! William, no doubt you know that the definition of flagellate is listed as this on Merriam Webster online:
        to hit (yourself or another person) with a whip as punishment or as part of a religious ritual.

        I just had to share it because the double entendre in this context was too clever to miss- and I would have missed it if I hadn’t double checked (harharhar) the def’n myself!

        We do have to keep a sense of humor about this in order to keep our wits about us- we are definitely dealing with dragons here- and this Asmodeus is behind no benign disguises.

  • Tony Ryan

    “… reason and accountability …” 😉

  • Jo Flemings

    I have no idea who Matt Fradd is, and I sure as heck won’t even comment on 50 Whatever- but the ‘hand basket’ phrase was pure Pulitzer all by itself.

  • Jo Flemings

    I so understand! I too am a woman and I also have a fantasy I just have to share here- thankfully this book/movie have made it all possible to find relief! Every now and then, Debra, I just want to get a Kim Possible kick ass ninja I’m-now-in–menopause-and-I-don’t care-I’m-over-it-anti-mysogynist outfit on- complete with gun metal ‘grey’ manicure, and find myself a budge RPG on the ‘grey’ market, and blast the hell out something. I’m thinking I would really like to sneak up…. stealthily… in the ‘grey’ of night, when no one is awake, and no decent soul is stirring…. and starting with the Barnes and Noble bookstore displays of Fifty Shades of Grey, blow them all to kingdom come- pyrofreakingtechnics galore!!! Orange looks so hot accessorizing grey! whoo hoo—— I feel so much better for sharing that!

  • Georgina

    Could someone explain to me the hand basket comment everyone is loving? Is it some sort of local joke? Young mexican here. Thanks!

    • Daniel Barineau

      It’s referring to the saying “going to hell in a hand basket”.

    • wlinden

      Nobody seems to actually know why “in a handbasket”, and the various explanations offered do not make sense (attempting to connect it with older references to demanding someone’s “head in a handbasket”). Would you go anywhere in a basket?

      • sixlittlerabbits

        Actually, Daniel Barineau knows why “in a handbasket” is funny.

  • Anthony De Giovanni

    Mulieris Dignitatem is a 1988 apostolic letter by John Paul II on the dignity of women. The letter advocates what is called Christiancomplementarianism, a view on the complementary roles of men and women in line with the philosophy of new feminism.

    It cites the recent Marian year commemorating the Theotokos, the Church as bride of Christ in liturgy and the role of women in the Bibleas first witnesses to the Resurrection as proof that Christianity values women. It also mentions the importance of traditional gender rolessuch as mother, teacher and daughter in contemporary society.

    It names several female saints such as Saint Monica, Macrina, Olga of Kiev, Matilda of Tuscany, Hedwig of Andechs, Jadwiga of Poland, Elizabeth of Thuringia, Birgitta of Sweden, Joan of Arc, Rose of Lima, Elizabeth Ann Seton and Mary Ward

    The letter also defends the doctrine of the all-male clergy : “In calling only men as his Apostles, Christ acted in a completely free and sovereign manner. In doing so, he exercised the same freedom with which, in all his behaviour, he emphasized the dignity and the vocation of women, without conforming to the prevailing customs and to the traditions sanctioned by the legislation of the time.”

    John Paul II later wrote another text about women in 1995, which is entitled Letter to Women.

  • Anthony De Giovanni
  • Alien & Stranger

    “Wilhelm continued to say as she sat in a hand basket wondering where she was going.”
    Dead giveaway! Lol.

  • Chelsea Smith

    hahahaha…what an amusing satire…