Pope Francis Confirms Cats Still Going To Hell

December 12, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died, saying, “One day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures. All of them except for cats. In that case, little girl, the only way you will see your cat again is if you reject God’s grace and end up in hell.”

The Pope’s comment has reignited a debate on the subject, with the Humane Society saying that if Pope Francis believes animals have souls, then “we ought to seriously consider how we treat them,” a representative said. “We have to admit that all animals, save for cats, panda bears, and sloths are sentient beings, and they mean something to God.”

  • Matt Kososki

    If ever I had suspicions about the orthodoxy of this pope, they have been completely assuaged.

    • AJ Jackson

      At least he’s better than Honorius I, who was a monothelitist.The question of animals in heaven has never been infallibly defined, and has also never really received much attention.

      • John Kloess

        That’s because no one really cares.

        • Yavor Hadzhiev

          Any rational human being should care about the effects of his/her actions on others. Discovering whether those others are capable of feeling and suffering, evolving and having desires is part of that process. And no religion can provide the answers… only rational and fair inquiry.

          • John Kloess

            All rational and fair inquiry about the nature of the soul or suffering should happen within religion.

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            Religion is not a domain within which the rest of phenomenae are inserted or exist. Religion is an aspect of human culture, a contingency, a human creation with specific social and psychological functions. Unlike scripture “deejays”, real humanists and social scientists have spent a lifetime of hard work studying religion as a cultural phenomenon.

          • John Kloess

            Are you seriously having a religion vs. science debate in the comments section of Catholic satire website? Sorry, but I decline. (Maybe you should pick up a copy of “How the Catholic Church Built Western Civilization”.)

          • Guest

            I had not noticed this is a Catholic satire website, but I would have this debate anywhere. FOr those who claim they have the salvation for our souls and for evils on this earth have caused throughout history quite alot of those evils.

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            This comment is one I deleted. I wonder why it appears now as a guest’s comment. Anyway, just ignore it.

          • Lennon

            I’m sorry but your English is quite revolting, and I can’t understand a lot of what you say. Maybe discover the value of punctuation. If you’re trying to fight theology with science I’m afraid that’s quite impossible. Also most, if not all, of your comments are in no way actually responsive to the ones above it. Also rationality, fair inquiry, and logic do not always work. Genetics is a great example of that (: Logically, some things should happen and others shouldn’t…but we see that’s not the case in the game of life.

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            I don’t have to defend the quality of my English since I haven’t got any pretentions over its quality, and since I am not a native English speaker.

          • sixlittlerabbits

            Your English seems fine to me, and I am a native speaker.

          • TonyD

            You say “thoughout history.” Please explain what evils the Catholic Church has done lately. Meaning in the last 200 years. Protestants are just oppositional and have no other redeeming qualities.

          • lubmykitties

            most recent evil??? How about protecting pedophiles and other sexual abberants within the ranks of the priesthood…..

          • joycexn

            People in the Catholic church have made bad choices in how they have dealt with this issue. But in no way does it reflect what the Catholic Church teaches or stands for. The mass population of the church is very against how some have dealt with it, and it does not reflect the views of the majority. It is unfortunate that the actions of some have caused people to judge the whole.

          • Peter

            Those felids will burn regardless, I’m delighted to report.

          • Especially my 7.6Kg monster of a long-haired beast – who delights in waiting until it’s raining, going and rolling around in the wet grass, and then coming in and throwing his now-9Kg-from-water-added body onto my lap and gazing up at me with soulful eyes, pouring out pretend-love on me. Oh, his fat will make the fire burn that much hotter.

            jj

          • lubmykitties

            I don’t judge all Catholics by what comes out of the Vatican or from behind a Catholic pulpit. I have many Catholic friends, all of whom are just as you say – completely appalled at the way the Vatican has handled the pedophiles within the ranks of the priesthood. I’m not Catholic, obviously, but I like this pope. He is at least trying to drag this centuries old religion into some semblance of modernity. That said, I don’t hold out much hope for his efforts on any major social issues. Seems it’s OK to have pedophiles in the ranks, but homosexuality between consenting adults is a no-no. And while the Vatican sits on treasures worth billions, the world starves. It’s a schism between the followers and the leaders which will be difficult to reconcile.

          • Mr Twink

            the hand on the knee,the trust me, we mustn’t tell anybody approach. Devils in robes, but then that is the price for following a religion and abdicating personal responsibility.

          • Rev Bindy

            “Protestant”?? Speak for yourself.

          • Jade

            It’s hard not to notice that it’s a satire website.

          • sixlittlerabbits

            Well, the spoofs are often done with such dry wit that they may seem serious. However, at the very bottom of this page in small print is the declaration: DISCLAIMER: ALL ARTICLES CONTAINED WITHIN THIS WEBSITE ARE PURE SATIRE!

            Maybe the editors should move this notice to the masthead. It would reveal the meaning of the phrase there: “Breaking Catholic news so you don’t have to.”

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            I didn’t pay attention to the nature of this website. Well… I would have this debate anywhere though.

          • Anka Z

            That is a terrific book!

          • Pierrette Gagnon

            it appears more duality at purrformers,,, CAT-aholics,,, CAT-haters,,,lol CAT et chasers,,,lol

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            If the Roman Catholic Church helped raise science it doesn’t mean science cannot legitimately oppose religion. I don’t see why science vs religion is necessarily a contradiction.

          • fredx2

            I’m afraid that anyone who believes science and religion are in contradiction is so far from being scientific that it is not worth discussing things with him.

          • Neither do we.

          • JohnnyVoxx

            You’ve already adopted one of the hopeless deceits of the modern age: that “science” is equated only with “physical science,” when “physical” science is simply one aspect of a way of knowing. The word “science” of course has as its Latin root in scier, the verb, “to know,” or more broadly, “to know by separating one thing from another.” Physical science is indeed one way of “knowing”. However, it was always understood, until the Satanic brainwashing of modernism, that metaphysical science was equally valid. Meta meaning beyond, of course. “Beyond the Physical.” Those who equate the fullness of science as a means of knowing merely with the subset of physical science and ignore philosophy and theology for example, two of the classic metaphysical sciences, are doomed to live in half-darkness. So, so, terribly common and so, so terribly sad, particularly for what may mean at the moment when one’s soul leaves one’s body.

          • David James Sheets

            “How the Catholic Church Built Western Civilization” More like how the Protestant Reformation + Renaissance (which was more humanist than religious) built western civilization.

          • Peter

            Protestantism, like cats, is a scourge.

          • David James Sheets

            The important stuff in the Bible is what Christ said. The stuff not in red letters is important, but less so. Stuff outside the Bible is tertiary, like Catholic catechism. The scourge are people that put their particular “-ism” above Jesus’ teachings. A person doesn’t have to be Christian – and sure as Hell doesn’t have to be Catholic – to be saved, they just need to have faith in Jesus Christ.

          • Peter

            David, do you realise that this site is satirical?

          • Simon Diamond

            Ha ha ha. You don’t believe the rubbish in books like that do you? Try reading “A complete history of Western Philosophy” instead. An excellent appraisal of how catholic philosophy held back the western world. Written by an atheist pacifist, Bertrand Russell.

          • AJ Jackson

            ” Real humanists and social scientists have spent their lifetimes in laborously studying religion as a cultural and social phenomenon.”

            Really? Because when last I looked, most all the great scientific discoveries of the last 2,000 years have been made mostly by Catholics, then by Christians. Isaac Newton doesn’t fall under your “real humanists and social scientists”. Neither does Albert Einstein (believing Jew). Nor does Gregor Mendel, the father of genetics. Ever heard of Louis Pasteur? How about Lemaître, the Jesuit scientist who proposed the Big Bang Theory? How about Copernicus? Blaise Pascal, André-Marie Ampère, Charles-Augustin de Coulomb, Pierre de Fermat, Lavoisier, Marin Mersenne, Alessandro Volta, Augustin-Louis Cauchy, Duhem, Jean-Baptiste Dumas, Boscovich, Pierre Gassendi, Georgius Agricola, Jérôme Lejeune. Please take your nonsense elsewhere.

          • JohnnyVoxx

            Bwahahaha! Won’t you be surprised.

          • Adrian Johnson

            Nonsense. In ancient Egypt cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Cat worship liturgy includes offerings of salmon, tuna, and minced beef. Cats endorse house churches / temples– any house can be used for cat worship after the installation of a resident cat.
            One learns the theology of cat worship through the mealtime liturgy; and from paraliturgies involving allowing cats to sit on your lap, or on your face while sleeping, or lie on your computer keyboard whilst in use.

          • Adrian – this is all quite true but is not inconsistent with the undoubted fact that cats are creatures from hell. My own cat is a prime example. Knowing that my wife loves him and I hate him, he comes into the house and heads straight for me, rubbing against my bare legs. He is especially fond of coming in from the rain on a cold evening, sneaking in whilst my attention is elsewhere, and evoking a shriek from me as an ice-cold thing rubs my leg.

            Naturally I have enough sense of self-preservation to pet him and pretend to be fond of him. I shudder to imagine to what depths of evil he would descend if once he realized just how I loathe him. Park himself at the top of the stair in the dark, probably, to make me tumble down and break my neck – oh, wait! He has already tried that a couple of times!

            Perhaps I need to up my life insurance, at least.

            jj

          • Adrian Johnson

            Well, St Paul told us early on that the “gods of the heathens are demons.”
            Your wife is obviously a heathen cat worshiper. You could probably have your marriage annulled because you are yoked to an unbeliever.

          • John Jensen

            Any rational human being should care about the effects of his/her actions on others.

            Why?

            jj

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            Well, it would take me a day to answer that. But maybe you are better prepared to answer the question why shouldn’t any rational human being care about the consequences of his/her actions on others?

          • I know why I should care about the consequences of my actions on others. I should love my neighbour as myself, and should do unto him as I would have him do unto me. But you appear not to believe in God, so I wonder why you care about the consequences of your actions on others. Is it just to make sure you do unto them before they do unto you?

            jj

          • TonyD

            Agreed.

          • Adrian Johnson

            Yes; but we’re talking cats here.

          • How?

          • fredx2

            Dialogue. You must meet the cockroach where he is, and accompany him on his life’s journey. You must use a bit of gradualism, where you gradually get the cockroach to stop eating your kitchen floor droppings, then get him to go to church with you, and then see if he will agree to go cockroach confession. And it is so important to deal with the divorced and remarried cockroaches. No second class cockroaches!

          • Jennifer Roback Morse Phd

            Missed Satire Award Nomination

          • Dagnabbit_42

            Religion, properly exercised, starts with rational and fair inquiry. This produces the observation that God is the ground and final telos of all existence, which in turn leads to the question of when or where He has spoken. This inevitably leads a person to examine the extraordinary history of the Jews and the even more extraordinary career of the followers of Jesus after his execution. If a person is not hampered by irrational blind-faith adherence to brute-fact materialist monism, he concludes that the man Jesus rose from the dead and was seen by many witnesses.

            This, in conjunction with other data about Jesus, strongly suggests that his story is one of those places where God has spoken. This in turn leads to an examination of what Jesus actually said (taking the gospels not as Holy Writ, but as mere historical documents) and how to understand those words in the cultural context of the hearers.

            From this investigation we arrive at the conclusion that Jesus claimed divinity, preached that message which has gone by the name “Christianity” ever since, and assigned infallible authority to His Church to resolve disputes about the content of that message. Referring back to the resurrection and the other miracles, we have logical grounds to accept the divinity of Jesus and the infallibility of His Church. And then we make note of His Church’s canonization of certain early Christian writings and teachings about their inerrancy. This leads us to reexamine those writings through a different lens, regard them as Holy Writ, and consult the saints and doctors and Magisterial teaching of the Church to better understand them.

            So “rational and fair inquiry” does rather tend to lead an otherwise-unbiased person into being a Catholic. More rarely it leads a person into adopting one of the other formulations in the panoply of human religious thought, from Atheism to Zoroastrianism. Regardless, whether he winds up an Atheist or Buddhist or a Catholic, he ends up having a religion, because having asked the questions, he either arrives at answers which are logically compelling, or keeps searching while holding a provisional view. And even a provisional view, of logical necessity, will perform all the functions of a religion for that person.

            That is why all thoughtful human beings have a religion, whether or not it is popularly described as such. Some human beings buy a name-brand religion off-the-shelf because it was the one their parents liked. Others, like computer hobbyists assembling their ideal gaming PC, assemble their functional religion piecemeal from cultural assumptions, science programs on public television, and the witticisms of their favorite professors and political commentators.

            Both methods, however, inevitably produce a functional religion; that is, they produce a unified construct of metaphysics, ethics, epistemology, cosmology, anthropology, and the attendant habits or culture which necessarily grow from attempting to live consistently with one’s principles.

            The only man who lacks such a functional religion is either a toddler or the sort of trousered ape who lives solely from the belly or groin and constantly works to make himself stupider than he need be. But such persons are both very rare and too dull to merit much attention.

        • Jo Flemings

          Well, that is SO not true. I am intensely worried about how many years I might spend in purgatory for every squirrel I have run over in my neighborhood. And I can’t even figure out what to think about the genocide I commit against cockroaches with relish and delight…..

          • Jo Flemings

            Of course if your theology is Tokienesque, cockroaches are some kind of orc-like aberration of the butterfly…Makes you wonder about Dolly the sheep however….

          • Peter

            I have the same fear concerning the spiders I’ve killed, Jo.
            Perhaps with too much pleasure whilst dispatching them to hell, for I doubt very much they go to Heaven as cats do.

          • Marie

            Oh my gosh and to think I was going to vacuum the spiders out og the garage today!
            If CMtv hears this they will condemn me to hell personally!

      • Russell Grigaitis

        You may find this article concerning Pope Honorius I enlightening:
        http://www.mwt.net/~lnpalm/honrius1.htm

        • AJ Jackson

          Not really, I already knew that Honorius 1 never proclaimed it ex-cathedra, I’ve spent numerous occasions explaining that to protestants. I was just saying that it’s possible for a pope to not have an orthodox opinion on something without it being the end of the world. I was also using that as a means of showing that the question of animals in heaven is really not that important, and that it strikes me odd that some Catholics are complaining about his comments when it was never defined

      • Mr Twink

        perhaps because heaven is a nonsense anyway.

        • Peter

          Only for cats and certain canines, Mr Twink.

          • Mr Twink

            you forgot to mention Catholics, an oversight no doubt.

          • Peter

            So you do think there’s a hell, then?

          • Mr Twink

            In a sense, yes I do. I think this is the hell. The sleep of death is ‘heaven ‘ if you like. Obviously there has to be a starting point, a creator if you like, and from a religious standpoint that becomes God, but I don’t think there is any love involved. Why we are called into being is to me a mystery, but I wish, certainly from my own viewpoint, that we never had been. I think we are essentially energy, which, as you know, cannot be destroyed, but beyond that we are in the realms of pure fancy and man has filled in that fancy with some very pretty stories and rules, none of which can be substantiated.

  • Pedro Henrique Quitete Barreto

    So Francis means that Benedict XVI, a cat lover, loves the wicked ones? That’s a rupture! A new Church is coming! Benedict XVI was left behind!

    • Pedro Henrique Quitete Barreto

      NCROnline type of commentary.

  • Dr. Diagnosis

    The article left out a major detail: the cat was Baptist.

    • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

      Don’t be too sure of that. Have YOU ever tried to baptize a cat??

      • Joanna Robinson

        My brother and I baptized one of our cats when I we were little. We wanted to make sure she would go to heaven with us. Poor thing…

      • Adrian Johnson

        Strong possibility that the cat was an Anabaptist, then.

    • Mira

      lol, baptist?

    • Peter

      Then the cat is most definitely burning for eternity.

      • Dr. D

        LOL. I don’t even remember why I wrote this comment.

        • Peter

          Good on you for writing it, Dr D.

  • John Jensen

    If I have my cat exorcised, will he disappear?

    jj

    • Craig Branch

      Cats hate exercise. That’s part of what makes them cats.

      • TonyD

        My cats get plenty of exercise. It’s a little easier when you have 2 of them. They chase each other around the house all day. It’s a hoot.

    • Skyler von Enn

      I was going to make some sort of joke about your cat… but now I’m too distracted by the magnificence of your beard.

      • John Jensen

        My cat grooms it for me.

        jj

      • Mr Twink

        Why have your comments earnt so many votes? What is the intellectual level on this site?

    • Yavor Hadzhiev

      Maybe those who accept this view about cats cannot go to zoos. If cats are spiritual villains, what can we say about felines as big as lions and tigers… Or these people are just crazy…

      • Jo Flemings

        Yavor, most of us are goofing around!

        • Diffal

          I think that this Yavor is actually a cat trying to confuse us with its diabolical feline ways.

          • Yavor Hadzhiev

            Yeah guys, I finally got it. 🙂

          • fredx2

            In Bulgarian, Yavor Hadzhiev means “Cat Fancier”

          • Karen Elliott

            Okay children, it’s time to stop teasing Yavor. Yavor, go to your room now!

          • Adrian Johnson

            Yes– this is what they do while lying on computer keyboards.

      • Skyler von Enn

        Actually, male lions spend most of their time lounging around conserving energy. The females do all the work. Very politically incorrect indeed.

      • Karen Elliott

        “God made cats so we can pet the tiger.” (I’m sorry, I forget who
        said this.)

    • fredx2

      No, he will just appear trimmer, and will have more pep.

    • AvemFlamma

      No. Then he turns into a bird.

    • Kelly O’Brien

      Yes

    • Adrian Johnson

      Yes, under the bed.

  • BigBlueWave

    But we’re CAT-lick! That can’t be! Leading us to the road to apostasy I tell you.

    • Michael Bukala

      CATatrophic!

  • Lee Bacchi

    Terrific! I’ll be laughing for days over this one!

  • I KNEW IT!

  • Guest

    LOL this is hilarious

  • Adrian Urias

    It’s beyond question that the pope is not a cat-holic. I will create a group cat-holics anonymous

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    Why has no one mentioned the sheep and the goats?

    • Yavor Hadzhiev

      Most animals have a nervous system, a brain or an equivalent. All animals have sensorial organs. Bottom line is all animals are subjects to the same biological and evolutionary laws. If humans can think and feel, so do those animals who are strongly similiar in biology to humans. Period. No religion can tell me this isn’t true. No infantile book called Bible or Quaran, or Torah can tell otherwise.

      • T. Audrey Glamour

        What do you mean most?

        • Yavor Hadzhiev

          I think you are right, we cannot see a living being, no matter how simple it may look, move, feed, react to an environment, etc., without admitting there is a center responsible for the coordination of such functions.

      • fredx2

        OK, have your cat do your algebra homework for you.

        • Adrian Johnson

          He did; but then the dog ate it.

    • Karen Elliott

      The sheep are on God’s right & goats on his left side. Is that right?

      • And the cats are spending all eternity annoying Him by rubbing against His leg 🙂

        jj

  • Judith

    Does this sound like something the Pope would say, you idiots? Or maybe this is more likely, “One day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures.”
    http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20882311,00.html

    Pope John Paul II also said animals had souls.

    • Diffal

      Yup, sounds like something he would say. “Paradise is open to all God’s creatures, except for cats they’re goin straight to hell”. I will admit panda’s were a suprise, that part might have to be checked out by the former holy office/inquisition, but he was spot on with the cats.

      And animals would have to have souls to end up in hell in the first place so it all comes nicely togehter

      • Yavor Hadzhiev

        Last sentence is really well thought.

    • rabbitwithfangs

      LOL, ‘Murica! Where the national IQ drops every time some dumb arse fails to understand a satirical article.

      • Diffal

        The comments are sometimes the best part of reading eye of the tiber!!

        P.S
        Isn’t it obvious that cats are intrinsically evil and hellbound?

      • Judith

        I know it’s satirical, but a lot of people don’t seem to realize that.

    • Adrian Johnson

      Wow– paradise is open to hyenas, rattlesnakes, mosquitoes, tse-tse flies, man-eating sharks, pirañas. At least it won’t be dull.

  • Curiosity killed the cat…

  • George Bredestege

    Lol!

  • Yavor Hadzhiev

    How is it possible that religions are still able to enslave peoples minds? A pope is just a human animal like any other… How dare any church impose a definition of reality that is not rationally constructed and based on the social and natural worlds? Shame on all religions!

    • Lennon

      How silly that religion was able to build Western Civilization. Erm, human animals have different souls than other animals. Shame on you for not realizing the value of religion. Please, scientific community, feed the homeless, clothe the naked, and visit the imprisoned. Shame on you for coming to a satire religion page and trying to shame us xD Its not working…we will only get stronger! Shame on the Catholic Church for giving us genetics…shame shame shame shame shame xD

      • Adrian Johnson

        Shame on Augustinian monk Gregor Mendel, who gave us Mendelian genetics? He apparently was a holy man, elected to be superior of his monastery and so had no more time to do his experiments with growing peas in the monastery garden.

    • John Carter

      Are you a mental deficit?

      • antigon

        Actually, Yavor’s the guy behind EotTiber, & his comboxery is part of the satire. Sneaky.

    • fredx2

      How is it possible that modern atheism is still able to make people make shallow, inane comments?

  • Dirk Baeten
    • AreAy

      This whole website is satire. Please read.

  • Jack Donahue

    Ridiculous discussion. All life comes from God, all life returns to God. and Paul stated: ” All creation awaits the fullness of redemption.”

    • fredx2

      So rocks are redeemed too? Does that mean we have to get them little bibles or something?

  • Jean Ram

    Any fool that believes the information on this web site needs to get their brain checked out!

  • HappyCatholic

    Hahaha!
    Seriously, though, this is why I just plain don’t trust secular media anymore regarding Papa Francis…

  • lovemyboys

    Too funny :)….well, I still love my cats!

    • Jo Flemings

      We will pray for you, for deliverance!

      • fredx2

        And we pray for her furniture.

      • lovemyboys

        much appreciated, thanks! 🙂

  • Rolanda Peltish

    If I end up in Heaven (which is unlikely) and there are no animals there, I won’t stick around. Where are all the cats? I believe they end up in purr-gatory.

  • Paul

    The Pope’s exclusion of cats is probably due to the fact that cats spend most of their waking life killing (or trying to kill) other creatures. How can such a animal possibly exist in the realms of Heaven?

    • Adrian Johnson

      That means good soldiers KIA won’t go to Heaven, either. That’s OK– the military and the cats can comfort each other.

  • Pierrette Gagnon

    Chat-eau. Chatte-laine,,, bobonn’eau, bas binette,,, toopie, nous…la branche noy’sette, noyer comme toujours( c’est de chat, jetter cela,,,/),,, une vraie propogande contre une tige valorants,,,,,, toujours en ADDversi El?,,CIEL,,, si, elle a voulue danser,,,, un Chat pure, on lui donnera…

    • John Jensen

      Ceci,c’est un chât-iment…

      jj

      • Pierrette Gagnon

        immense, mais apprivoisez, en dis cours global,, manage de language,,,et LANGUISH,,,,porter de port en part,,, la PTRIE-arche, sans le sens-vraie de la NATAVITEA!…Chat et Chaise…lol

  • giasone777

    Ok so I guess St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church, was wrong when he said that animals are mortal. Their souls cease to exist when they die. I think the Pope was speaking off the cuff. These remarks do not denote Church teaching. Church teaching comes about through much serious consideration and through encyclicals and documents of the Church not through off the cuff remarks.

    • fredx2

      That’s the way it used to come about. Get with the times.

      • Jo Flemings

        comboxes, man- the new encyclicals..

  • Dan M

    They’re only on loan from Hell to begin with

    • Eric Holloway

      Dan WINS!!!

      • fredx2

        Dan DOES win

        • Karen Elliott

          Yep, your right, & he’s funnier

  • AnneJenkins

    http://www.religionnews.com/2014/12/12/sorry-fido-pope-francis-not-say-pets-going-heaven/

    oh please…. let’s not get carried away…. Cats obviously are….. well who really knows…but the Pope didn’t say it.

    • fredx2

      But he thought it.

      • Jo Flemings

        And we ALL know what that means…

      • No, he didn’t think it. But he wanted to think it!

  • Gerald Donahue

    St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans, Ch. 8: 21- because creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the glorious liberty of the children of God. (material creation incl. animals share man’s destiny) “the lion shall lie down with the lamb. a child will lead them.”

    • fredx2

      And then the lion will eat both the lamb and the child.

      • Jo Flemings

        LOL! New abridged version….

  • Hue Chaseskatz

    Nope.

  • Wendy Krehbiel

    The Pope said no such thing. Just in case anyone is actually wondering…

    http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/did-pope-francis-say-animals-go-to-heaven/

  • noname

    And those of you who actually believe this article need to have your heads examined

  • Sandra

    What?! I can’t believe the Pope said this to that little girl. No way!

    • fredx2

      Pope Francis is well known for his off the cuff, blunt comments.

  • Thomas

    This new is nonsense and false.

    • fredx2

      Jimmy Akin is a cat lover and should therefore never be listened to.

  • Cat Mckenzie

    This article is horribly mistated ! It was benedict that made that statement, and it wasn’t even about Cats, it was the child’s DOG that died ! get the facts straight !

    • AreAy

      This is a satirical Catholic news site. Welcome.

    • Yes, welcome on this satirical site! By the way, it was neither Francis nor me who did not talk about cats, it was my beloved predecessor, the Venerable Servant of God Paul VI.

      • Nor do we, in fact, know whether Paul VI talked about dogs. The whole thing is from an Italian journalist writing in 2014 saying that “it is said that Pope Paul VI once …” etc etc.

        God alone knows what, if anything, Venerable Paul VI actually said.

        But as regards cats, it is inconceivable that, if they actually have souls that survive death, they could, in fact, go anywhere but Hell. My own cat has only to look at me to make me shiver with dread.

        jj

        • fredx2

          Venerable Paul VI actually said ” There is no reason dogs can’t go to heaven. Cats, however, are another matter. You try cleaning a litter box and tell me otherwise”

          • Yes, but this was before I made sure the Council approved the little-known document “Constat felinitatis felicitatem”. I love cats, you know? With his recent statement, Francis is sooo pre-Vatican-II!

        • T. Audrey Glamour

          Ah yes, if cats have souls that survive death…I wonder if the thing about nine lives has any effect on this…?

        • Thank you for this clarification! I inserted an “if anyone” and hope it will serve in English as good as it would in my mothertongue, Latin.

  • Denise Jackson

    Surely this is satire.

    • fredx2

      Stop calling me Surely.

  • Billy Joe Bob

    I’ll tell you one thing: you better believe cats is goin’ to git their fur up over this. You start discriminatin’ against felines, you’re sure to have a pussy riot on your hands.

    And how about all them other critters…how about Hamlet, my hamster, and my toad, Joad? They’ll soon be right out there in the streets protestin’ for their equal rights.

    What really bunches my overalls is they cain’t hardly be space enough in heaven for all them critters. As it is, heaven cain’t even handle all us righteous human folk. Hell’s bells, don’t the bible tell us (John, Revelations) heaven measures all of 144 celestial cubits, wall to wall! Way I figure, heaven is pert near the size of four or five double-wide trailers hooked up together. You just know they is got to be standin’ room only, and I sure don’t want no old dog takin’ my place.

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    So unlike The Religion of Peace®.

    “Cats have a special place in Islamic culture. Muhammad is said to have loved his cat Muezza to the extent that “he would do without his cloak rather than disturb one that was sleeping on it.”

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam_and_animals#Cats (Dont read further on this page to the part about dogs, please)

    There is a hadith that states that cats can be found in Jannah (Islamic paradise). Or perhaps something was lost in translation and it stated that cats often have parasites…

    • Cats – at least domestic cats – are parasites.

      jj

      • Adrian Johnson

        That’s their charm. I deliberately went out and bought an expensive Russian Blue parasite because my home needed one.

        I had too many expensive heirloom bits of crystal and china, too many antique upholstered chairs and sofas. The beautiful silver-grey parasite detached me from many of these earthly goods by breaking and ruining them; which has done my spirituality nothing but good.

        My cat has changed my focus on my own selfish ego to a focus on his. Plus, on cold nights he is generous enough to keep my stomach warm when he curls up on it.

  • Jack Donahue

    What does “All creation” mean to you and to God?

  • TonyD

    I’m a cat lover. I have 2 of my own. GTH Pope baby.

  • Barbara Fuentes

    I love my cat, but there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s a murdering little psychopath. What can I say, I love bad boys.

  • Ben McDonald

    … Seriously? Like, if the statement came out being “souls are invariably tied to lifeforms, and we must conclude from this that all animals also have souls,” then at least it would be consistent.

    To condemn cats in particular? He was most certainly jesting.

  • Allen Henry

    This just shows how sick our world have become if the Pope said something people believe it.

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    And then there’s this…

    • That is not a real quote.

    • scooter

      That sure motivates me to sign up.

  • Raoul Duke

    ’bout time we did somethin’bout them panda bears. Time for a jihad.

    • Adrian Johnson

      Yes, this pope has said he doesn’t like things that are black and white; he prefers grey. So Pandas are out, and wolves are in. Especially those in sheep’s clothing.

  • Janice

    I’m fairly certain that kitties are an essential component of any reality deemed “Paradise.” (=^-^=)

  • William

    I’ll sleep peacefully tonight knowing cats are in hell.

  • Dominique Woods

    AND WHO THE HELL IS FRANCISCO TO DECIDE WHO IS GOING WHERE? COMMENTS LIKE THIS MAKE ME WISH SO STRONG THAT RELIGIONS ARE FULL OF SICK PEOPLE ABUSIVE AND THAT ONLY MANIPULATE FEITH AND LACK OF CULTURE. IF THERE IS A GOD HE WILL ACCEPT ANNIMALS IN THE BEST PLACE BEFORE HUMANS, THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT ANY DOUBT.

  • Rockie Overlunde

    Sorry to say but but pope Francis is not the king pope of Rome, Hon, Bendict was the last. Rome will crash and the faith will move to Fatima portugal.

  • adrienne50

    Um, suddenly someone remembered that he said something about cats and rejecting God in a very unkind way to a child on a site called Eye of the Tiber?

    lol Don’t get your knickers in a twist.

  • Hp B

    If you lean in real close and take a peek, you can just make out the 729 bar code stamped on his little white cap.

  • Peter

    The following are interesting to ponder. Anyway, I’m not going anywhere without my cat. http://www.openbible.info/topics/do_animals_go_to_heaven

  • Adam Hovey

    Well, if All Dogs go to Heaven as according to David N. Weiss, the logical inverse would be that cats go to hell

  • Peter

    That makes perfect sense, Adam.

    • Adam Hovey

      You do realise animals have material souls, no? When an animal dies, so does it’s soul. So cats are like bad Jehovah’s Witnesses.

      • Diffal

        Animals have motive rather than material souls, as all souls are immaterial by nature, so the phrase “material souls” is oxymoronic, just like the phrase “jumbo shrimp”, “honest politician” or “good cat”.

      • Peter

        Except for dogs, of course. Their souls are NOT material such as those of Jehovah’s Witnesses and felids. However, I’d prefer the company of my soul-defective cat Bella than the occasional Jehovah’s Witnesses who darken my door (once) much too often.

      • Adrian Johnson

        No, cats are not that bad. They don’t knock on your doors to annoy you. They use cat flaps.

        Nobody has ever seen the need to invent a Jehovah’s Witness Flap.

  • Sheena-Leader Of-the Fuzzheads

    St Thomas Aquinas said if animals have immortal souls we shouldn’t be eating them. So, I go ahead and eat them but reserve hope God can reconstitute my Ranger on Resurrection Day. Cats on the other hand…

    • ithakavi

      I suspect that St. Thomas was fond of bacon.

    • Adrian Johnson

      Why would I want to eat my cat?
      It would probably taste bad, however tender it was.

  • oeb25

    It’s true. Cats are always trying to kill people. Why else would they position themselves at the top of staircases at night?

  • SnowCherryBlossoms

    Funny, Pope Benedict has many feral cats that he loves and cares for. I wonder if he’ll be having a little ‘chat’ about this with Pope Francis. The battle of the kitties!

  • Heidi K.

    The pope is the one who rejects and twists the gospel of JESUS CHRIST.

    • Peter

      Quite right, Heidi. He’s a dreadful old man. All popes, cats, and Protestants will burn.

      • Heidi K.

        True Christians and cats won’t burn.
        Blessings

        • Peter

          Are you on the committee? Blessings to you, as well, but not your pets, especially your cats; they’re doomed.

          • Heidi K.

            You need prayers.

          • Peter

            Thank you for your prayers.

        • John Jensen

          The truer the cat, the hotter the fire.

          jj

          • Peter

            Yes, the only flame which burns brighter and hotter than that made by cats is that made by the burning of cats, and of course, Protestants.

        • Peter

          The only flame which burns brighter and hotter than that made by cats is that made by the burning of cats, and of course, Protestants.

          • ithakavi

            How about a Protestant cat?

          • Peter

            All cats are Protestants. Otherwise, they’d go to Heaven.

          • ithakavi

            That implies that all Catholics go to heaven. Isn’t that presumption?

          • Peter

            Unless they harbour cats.

          • Peter

            Only Mormons go to Heaven, Mr Ithakavi.

          • ithakavi

            A very scary thought.

          • Adrian Johnson

            Cats are not Protestants. Protesting takes too much energy; cats might vaguely disagree, but their typical course of action is to take a nap.

  • ithakavi

    Sloths are one of the seven deadly mammals.

  • Maggie

    Where is this in the CAT-echism?

    • formula2templar

      Purr-fect response

      • Peter

        And to that, my noble and saintly felid adds, MROW!

  • Bertrand Fellow

    It’s good to see the Pope is being dog-matic on the matter of cats!
    http://www.thesocietyofsuchpiousgents.blogspot.co.uk

    • Peter

      Well, he’s an RC, after all.

      • Adrian Johnson

        RC = Royal Crown Cola?

  • Mr Twink

    What utter and complete tripe. To say in the same breath that all Gods creatures go to heaven except cats panda bears and sloths has to be at one and the same time a masterpiece of bad PR and an utter contradiction. For me Christianity has long been on the slippery slope but from now on it will get my boot behind it to hasten the decay.

    • Peter

      Um, Mr Twink, you do realise this blog is satirical, right? Nonetheless, felids, canines, and Labour will burn to light the way for the rest of us.

      • Mr Twink

        I must admit I did not realise that. And by the same context I presume you also are being satirical . I’m afraid religion and it’s monopoly of all things spiritual, makes my hackles rise. I am 100% against blind faith and admit that I feel the world is blighted by these abstract notions. I cannot hide behind books and priests, I have to know facts.If science can one day prove an afterlife then fine but equally until it can, my ears are closed.

        • ithakavi

          Mr. Twink: There is no one so blind as someone who thinks that ‘science’ is the only means of knowing something. Apparently you are ignorant of the entire field of epistemology. How very sad. [N.B.: I am not attempting satire.]

      • ithakavi

        For those on the other side of the Atlantic, may we include democrats?

        • Peter

          Small d? Democracy is acceptable, especially by comparison with every other form of government. If you intended upper-case D, then it must be obvious that there are no liberals in Heaven. Ditto for cats.

          • ithakavi

            I refuse to dignify the democrat party with use of the upper-case. They are, collectively, no more a proper noun than e. coli. Yes, I meant them. Thank you.

  • Bill Werk

    This pope isn’t the REAL POPE . I just read today that there’s a THIRD, lesser known Pope named Pope Michael, waiting at an airport somewhere with his wife and girlfriend.
    I think Mormons have taken over the Catholic Church?
    Wait… no, they’re moral people.
    Carry on my wayward son….

  • Impossible! I’m on Team Dog, but, really, for crying out loud! We are CATholic!

    • Peter

      Quite right, joedaddy.

  • Jakob Pohlman

    But I thought only goats went to hell….

    • Peter

      Cats, as well, Jakob.

  • More Tea Vicar?

    So there is a cat-in-hell’s chance, after all …

  • scooter

    All dogs go to Heaven. All cats go to hell.
    That seems like an equitable arrangement.

  • Adrian Johnson

    This casts a shadow over the Papacy of cat-loving Benedict XVI. How can one Pope teach the opposite of another?
    If all is open to discernment or interpretation, it’s Cats to perdition today; and sheep and lambs tomorrow !

    • sam

      this has been sitting in the Remnant story last attempting to send to you. Maybe you’ve seen it but thought you’d like it. They considered it spam which is not.
      http://www.culturewars.com/2016/JewsMuslimsvsSSPX.htm

      • Adrian Johnson

        Thanks–otherwise I would have missed it.

  • Thibaud313

    203 comments?!?