Local Catholic To Substitute Medium Deep Dish Stuffed-Crust Pizza For Meat On Fridays During Lent

February 19, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Local Catholic Ronny Edison announced today at a local Papa John’s Pizza that he was officially not eating meat on Fridays during Lent, in accord with teachings of the Church.

The 24-year-old cradle Catholic explained to strangers waiting in line the reason why he had not ordered pepperoni or sausage on his pizza, saying that Catholics were forbidden to eat meat during Lent, going on to remind them that they too were obliged to fast if any of them were Catholic.

“Sorry to be such a buzz-kill, guys…I just don’t wanna have to answer to God one day about not having informed you how to properly fast,” he told the crowd as a medium sized deep dish stuffed-crust pizza with a side of parmesan breadsticks, cheesesticks, and a double order of stuffed cheesy bread with spinach and feta was delivered to his table. “Ahhh, Lent is so hard! Oh, how I yearn for sausage!” he continued, as he shoveled a side of garlic bread and mounds of mozzarella cheese into his mouth. “I can’t believe I still have more than a month of this! But I do this for you, Jesus. Please look with favor upon this humble act of self-denial.”

Edison went on to tell a family seated at the table next to him that he would have also ordered some honey chipotle chicken wings had he not so ardently wanted to unite himself  to the mystery of Jesus in the desert.

“Listen,” Edison continued as he disheveled his hair to make sure people just entering the restaurant knew that he was indeed fasting. “It’s certainly not easy, but I love Jesus, so Jack in the Box it is tonight. No, no…no Jumbo Jack for this guy tonight…it’s Lent, and I’m just gonna settle for a small meal. Perhaps a couple of sriracha fish sandwiches, a large order of curly fries, an egg and cheese biscuit, and a couple of tacos. That’s all for this penitent.”

At press time, Edison is confirming whether or not Jack in the Box tacos do have actual meat in them.

  • Adam Hovey

    Okay, actually, I’d like to know about the Jack in the Box tacos….

    • Seth Murray

      I’ve tried them all… once. It does appear to be some kind of meat derivative. Not sure if it would count as meat for Friday-abstinence purposes.

      • Adam Hovey

        I am actually a vegetarian, and the closest Jack-in-the-box is a hundred miles away. But I thought, maybe as a form of penance…

  • AreAy

    Sounds like the type of guy that proclaims how marijuana actually enhances his prayer life.

    • John Kloess

      You stole that idea strait Fr. Z’s blog didn’t you…

  • Jim

    I should think eating franchise pizza was penance enough!

    • joanofarc

      ooh, harsh 🙂

    • MrRightWingDave

      Yeah, especially Papa John’s.

      • Jim

        LOL! That’s probably the safest Lenten bet in a pinch, I suppose.

      • Negative. All good Catholics buy Papa John XXIII’s.

  • techvet

    Next Friday, it will be shrimp scampi. After that, South African lobster tails swimming in butter. Oh, what sacrifices we must make!

    • Timotheos

      Ironically, there was a time in the 1700’s when workers in Massachusetts actually went on strike, one of their main demands being that they would NOT have to eat lobster more than twice a week! (lobster at that time being as plentiful as cockroaches)

      But the times have changed…

      • Andy, Bad Person

        If you’re in the right place in New England, it’s still cheaper than beef even today.

  • whatwaht

    Living in Chicago and having to eat a “deep dish” pizza like the one pictured is way more of a sacrifice than giving up meat!

  • Jared Wark

    I’m 90% certain that Edison isn’t being true to his words; I still see pepperoni on that pizza. Shame on him.

    • B. Convert

      It’s alligator pepperoni. The Archdiocese of New Orleans has confirmed alligator is cool. 😉

  • Julie

    The headline should read, “Local Catholic To Substitute Medium Deep Dish Stuffed-Crust Pizza For Meat On Fridays During Lent.” It’s backwards.

    • The writer of this article is in the process of being flogged. And I mean severely flogged. It’s actually kinda sad. Live and learn.

      • Julie

        Thanks so much for the providing a proportional response! 🙂

      • Author: “offer it up offer it up offer it up OW! offer it up offer it up OW! offer it up…”

      • MrRightWingDave

        Also, not eating meat is abstaining, not fasting.

  • pegleggreg

    nailed it. all too true

  • At first I read: “… had he not so ardently wanted to unite himself to the mystery of Jesus in the dessert.”

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    According to JustFaith, if you sing “Here I am Lord” before meals, you can pretty much eat PUMA on Fridays if you want.

    • MrRightWingDave

      The cat or the sneakers, Sister?

    • hawc2133

      LOL! That is awesome! I enjoyed that so much I probably need to go to Confession – thank you…

  • Tim Ryland

    He’s safe on the tacos.

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    I have some sackcloth and ashes* that he can have! Those would complete the disheveled look.

    *Ashes left from Wednesday. (You know, the ones from the remains of…oh wait, I’m getting topics confused. Lightheaded I guess as a result of fasting.)

  • A. Convert

    First off it’s “abstinence” from meat not “fasting” that Ronny is referring to. The article says, “…forbidden to eat meat during Lent, going on to remind them that they too were obliged to fast… There is all kinds of wrong with that sentence. “Canon 1251 specifies that Catholics refrain from eating meat on Fridays, as an act of penitence. In the United States, Catholics are permitted to substitute another penance outside of the season of Lent. During Lent, however, all Catholics are obliged not to eat meat on Fridays.” Might want to checkout what the Pope had to say today in this morning’s homily. “Pope: Don’t let meatless Fridays be selfish, soulless, seafood splurge” Think the spirit of what he said would include a pizza splurge as well. Now I don’t know how much pizza Ronny planned to eat, but just saying…
    http://www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/1500782.htm

    • B. Convert

      You do know this is satire…like, every article on this entire website…right?

    • Seth Murray

      So glad you cleared this up.

      I nearly slipped into mortal sin… THEN I REALIZED IT WAS A JOKE!

      That was a close one.

    • Jo Flemings

      There ARE, indeed.

  • Elizabeth Lash

    it shames me to read this, first gluttony is a sin in and of itself, telling all that you are fasting is also not acceptable. You are to fast as a humble deed. Not tell everyone you are giving such and such up for lent. As in a glorifying self. You are not be down trodden as it is to make you miserable. This young man needs to go back to Catechism and relearn things he is protesting

    • That person

      (whispering) *psst* that’s the joke here. This is a satirical website.

      • Jade

        There’s always someone who misses the satire, no matter how obvious it is.

    • Andy, Bad Person

      Give him a break. It’s only a MEDIUM pizza.

    • Carlos Felsen

      Yes, and what about all that disheveling his hair as if he was some kind of old fashioned pharisee… oh wait a second…

    • Jude

      We have a winner!!!

  • MMROBERTS

    Please keep me posted on that Jack In The Box taco I had them. I believe there is beans in them there tacos

  • the egyptian

    ah yes Fridays in lent, as all good Catholics fast including the famously penitential ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH FRY, sponsored by your local knights organization, It’s great to be Catholic, and I do go to the fish fries

  • John

    That pretty much sums up my Fridays during Lent.

  • Carlos Felsen

    Epic!

  • the rein man

    We eat hot dogs on Friday during lent, just to be safe.

  • Gregory MacKinnon

    I do get the joke, and it’s certainly not ok to simply to substitute too extravagant of a meal for the Fridays of Lent. It’s also not ok to choose to give up something simply because it’s required by the Church during this season. The purpose of Lenten penance is to open ourselves to His love and mercy, and having too bitter of a meal can come from an attitude of perfectionism, which actually closes our hearts. I speak from experience. So finally for this Lent I’ve chosen to do something from this perspective, and as for my Friday meatless meals, I am choosing to prepare them simply yet also with flavors that glorify and bring to mind the generosity and variety of His gifts throughout all of creation.

    • Vince M Sr

      Thank G*d for the over 59 exemption clause!!

  • Rick Azevedo

    This is why the old fast required one to abstain from eggs and dairy products too. That was when people had less protein in their diets…

  • I am not Spartacus

    Deep dish pizza with capybara slices is jake, right?

  • I just about lost it with the Jack in the Box tacos. I used to eat a fair amount of those in my day. Ah, high school. The meat is still debatable.

  • AJ

    I do it a lot easier. I avoid meat on all Fridays, year round, as well as the vigils of certain holydays, as well as Ember Days, as well as Ash Wednesday. I also avoid meat during the entire Lenten time of 40 days, simply because its easier than remembering which day is abstinence and which is fast and/or abstinence. In other words, I go by the pre-Vatican II rules, but stricter. And its really no big deal.:)