Kanye West Announces Bid For The Papacy

September 2, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile. Photo credit: rodrigoferrari

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.
Photo credit: rodrigoferrari

 

Kanye West has reportedly announced plans to run for the papacy during Sunday night’s MTV Video Music Awards.

In a candid and sincere speech at the VMAs, the 38-year-old rapper concluded his remarks by announcing a papal bid for the election after Pope Francis retired.

“I don’t know what I finna lose after this. It don’t matter, though; It’s not about me. It’s about doctrine. New doctrine. Clergy with new doctrine. Priests who believe in celibacy,” West said. “And yes, as you probably could’ve guessed by this moment, I have decided to run for pope.”

It was not clear whether or not West was serious about his plans for running for the papacy. He told the audience that if they were wondering “Did he smoke some incense before he came out here,” then “the answer is yes…I packed up a little thurible. I knocked the edge off.”

The declaration came after his reflections on whether he would have acted differently during the infamous 2009 St. Louis Catholic Conference incident when he grabbed the microphone from Cardinal Burke during a speech about the Mass.

  • Nick B. Steves

    Kanye would represent, I think, a substantial improvement over the chair’s current occupant.

    • UAWildcatx2

      It’s pretty clear you didn’t think before typing that comment.

      • PJParks

        Troll. He will come up out of the basement when his mom tells him she has a PBJ ready for him.

        • Adam Hovey

          Hey now to be fair I live with my sister my mother just happens to live here. And for your information I make my own peanut butter sandwiches oh nevermind you’re not talking to me

    • Johan Peter Oliveire

      I agree; not only does his 2013 album prove he can be more than just ‘vicar’ of Christ, but he can speak Greek…or at least try…

      Or is that Latin?

      • Adam Hovey

        I’m a little curious why Kanye West would have to run for Pope remember him saying that he was a god?

    • Katozburn

      wow – you just ruined a perfectly good EOTT post with that drivel

  • PJParks

    Oh how funny. He is an idiot and I am sure he would think he is worthy. Perhaps his wife could be the new Mother Angelica twerking the rosary.

  • Hotrod1962

    Love to see how he redecorates the papal apartment.

  • Yo, Francis, I’m really happy for you and I’ma let you finish out your papacy, but I would make the best pope of ALL TIME!! Of ALL TIME!!

    ~Kanye

    #kanyeforpope

  • Jim

    If it happens, will he record with Fr. Stan?

    • wiffle

      Jim has won The Best of the EOTT award. The awards ceremony includes a themed Mass (Clown) in a round church for best viewing. Following will be a performance by both Fr. Stan and Kayne West. Pope Francis will not be available for an audience, but Pope Micheal has stated that “He’ll try to fit it in.” Jim will also be awarded a week long vacation at the Vatican II theme park.

      • Hotrod1962

        Wow, the Vatican II theme park! Just came back.loved the new thrill ride: The disappearing altar rail of death, and the animatronic Hall of Popes, each one speaking in the vernacular. Note: Even though they are robots, the blessings they give really count (as per pope Michael). Where else can you get a blessing from Pope Leo I, 440-461.

        • More Tea Vicar?

          The Vatican II theme park …. hmmm! Will it have those nuff-awful ‘ALL ARE WELCOME’ signs at the gates? Does it have Mickey Mouse and Goofy doing Liturgical Dancing? An ‘I Can Speak The Weight of Your Sins’ booth – otherwise known as face-to-face confession – which also spits out a piece of thermal printed paper at the end of your go, which says pretty much the same as what your friend had on theirs ”Don’t worry! Be Happy! We have a reasonable hope that all will be saved”? A Concrete Nightmares train which takes you through the insides of modern church buildings to the sound of happy-clappy, cringe worthy songs/pseudo-hymns and embellished Liturgy full of peace, flowers, joy, fluffy bunnies, scraggy cats and Gandhi? A topiary maze with the title ‘Find your way to the Tabernacle – if the Eucharistic Minister doesn’t get there first!’ with a song piped through the speakers, entitled ‘Who Stole The Cookies From The Cookie Jar?’ To get from A to B, there is ‘Nuns on the Monorail’ with the rules that no habits are to be worn – just blue cagoules and a bad attitude!

      • Jim

        You like me! You really like me! I am humbled by this honor and will begin polishing up my Harpo Marx horn for the Responsorial at my Clown Mass. As for the Vatican II theme park vacation, it’ll be a great relief after the weekend timeshare presentation I accidentally signed up for last year at Reformation Acres Makeover Spa and Resort.

        • wiffle

          I have a hard time resisting those Reformation Acres timeshare presentations myself. They get you in the door by promising 1 free divorce per couple and somehow it just never works out.

  • More Tea Vicar?

    A few questions spring to mind:
    What will give the smoke that crucial white colour?
    Will Kanye West snatch the microphone from the cardinal (whose job it is to announce ‘Habemus Papam’) and say that Cardinal Burke deserved the papacy more than he does?
    Will he bring back ‘bling’, too? That silver/stainless steel pectoral cross is sooooo yesterday!
    Will he swap the Popemobile for a Four-Wheel Drive?

  • Chris Forte
    • More Tea Vicar?

      What next? The Simpsons?

  • Wildgraywolf

    Wow. The Vatican will never be the same after this. I just hope he dosen’t go “bling crazy” with the papal tiara.

    • CumExApostolatus

      What papal tiara? He’ll have to order up a new one from Harry Winston.