Bishops Discuss Communion For Divorced And Remarried Gay Couples

October 15, 2015 by  
Filed under Vatican

Members at the Synod on the Family have entered into one of the most controversial subjects facing the Synod: how should the Church treat gay persons who divorce their same-sex partners and remarry without first obtaining permission from the Church.

Insiders at the Synod say that bishops were divided as to how to handle the “sticky” situation regarding homosexual couples that have divorced and remarried without first obtaining an annulment from the Church.

“The annulment process is quite laborious for those whose marriages the Church does not recognize,” said one Synod insider. “If one does not have an actual marriage, how then does he or she proceed with the annulment process so that they can once again receive communion? That is the crux of the matter.”

A spokesman for the Vatican told EOTT that a number of bishops had brought up completely doing away with what they considered  “the antiquated notion of sin,” and allowing all members and non-members of the Catholic Church to receive communion.

“The idea is being proposed because no one should be excluded from the grace given when one receives communion,” the spokesman went on to say. “Let me rephrase that; not no one, but rather, most everyone should not be excluded. Those who committee such vile sins such as smoking, littering, and being heterosexual would incur latae sententiae. Naturally.”

  • Maggie

    YAY! No more sin….but is it still okay if I cut down trees in my yard? And now that it is autumn, I have turned off my air conditioner so as to reduce whatever it is that air conditioning is supposed to do that is a BAD THING.

    • Jim

      I think there may be a plenary indulgence for the air conditioning thing. You might want to look into that.

      • Hotrod1962

        Jim, the Council of Trent is very clear about plenary indulgences for air-conditioning. Pope Paul III blamed air-conditioning on Luther.

        • The Classicist

          To quote my literature professor (speaking about Dante’s Inferno): “Satan is a great metaphysical air-conditioner.”

          • Hotrod1962

            How true…..the inventor of air-conditioning, Willis Carrier, was a known Satanist.

      • ithakavi

        It may require a pilgrimage to the Mojave.

        • ‘It may require a pilgrimage to the Mojave.’

          /applause

        • CumExApostolatus

          No, I think the pilgrimmage is to the Bank of International Settlements housed in the Botta building in Basel, Switzerland.

    • ithakavi

      Yeah, bad things like preserving the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    I read that Eucharistic vending machines are this weekend’s small group discussion topic.

    • Hotrod1962

      Yes sister, I read that also…….communion will also be available in these machines in BBQ, vinegar and salt, and sour cream.

      • PJParks

        You forgot “old Bay”.

    • samton909

      The Africans are against it. Not enough quarters.

    • VeilOfTiers

      I thought there was to be no charge!

      Oh wait, that was for annulments…

      • janpaulmiller

        I heard — on very good authority — that Viaticum will be distributed through the mail. The Synod expects to name this “Post Hosties.”

        • Monk

          Wouldn’t Viaticum via drone be more aggiornato?

      • Sr. Mary Brigid

        HAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT was priceless.

    • Monk

      The Rite of Restocking a Eucharistic Vending Machine is being worked up by the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments at this moment.

      • Jim

        I wonder which title they’ll land on, “Restocker of the Eucharist” or “Extraordinary Restocker of the Eucharist.”

        • David Poecking

          “Eucharestock ministry”

          • Jim

            If the synod doesn’t pick up that name, I’m seeing a 3-day festival of Catholic praise & worship bands.

        • Casper

          You need “minister” in there. Extraordinary Minister of Restocking a Eucharistic Vending Machine.

          • Jim

            See? This is why this whole thing requires thorough study. You just know there’ll be a contingent wanting to call themselves “Eucharistic Restocking Ministers.”

          • CumExApostolatus

            Perhaps more appropriate would be: “Eucharistic Restocking Monsters.”

          • Hotrod1962

            My sister, who is very holy and active in her parish, has already applied to be a “restocking minister”. She has to take a special course before she allowed to carry the “sacred key” that opens the Eucharistic Vending Machine. She also must be accompanied by choir (no less than 10) who will chant Ave Verum Corpus as the door is opened.

          • Casper

            “Ave Verum Corpus”? If only. More like “One Bread, One Body”…

          • Mr. Graves

            Neither. It’ll be “Lord of the Dance,” accompanied by a modified samba.

          • donald_kenney

            Stockings not hand gloves goe on the feat. like the pointed hat on the bishop ? goe over the beanny or no? Reminds me the guys downtown stacked with hats over+ Have you ever seen an ox who missed several shearings?

        • samton909

          Here I am Lord,
          With my re-stocking rack.
          Here I am, Lord
          Aren’t you glad that I’m back?

    • ithakavi

      I thought they were submitting an iPhone App for that for approval by Tim Cook? But it requires a miniature 3-D Printer, so we may have to wait for IPhone 8.

    • Derek Brown

      Well, at least the vending machine won’t try to give my baby daughter a “blessing” like the “extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist” do when we visit an ordinary form parish.

      • CumExApostolatus

        “…extraordinary MONSTERS of the ‘eucharist’.”

        • Monk

          Perhaps if the title were changed from “Extraordinary” to “Not Normal” Minister of the Eucharist ….
          As it is, Egotistical Minister of the Eucharist seems to be a widespread practice in staffing this unnecessary liturgical role.

          • CumExApostolatus

            Good ones!

      • Coach r

        I’m an Anglican (ACA, NOT TEC) and even I don’t go to the EMHC for a blessing when I attend an RC service. I have taken great and circuitous paths, in fact, all about the perimeter of the sanctuary, to get into the priest’s or deacon’s line, and back to my pew again.

        • John F. Kennedy

          If you’re an Anglican, why are you “in-line” at all? The Communion line is for Communion. Since you’re Not Catholic you shouldn’t receive. At the dismissal the Priest gives a Blessing to all present. That should be enough.

    • Monk

      After some prayerful reflection, I believe a Eucharistic ATM-type sacred repository – to replace the tabernacle – is in order. Of course, it should be placed in a part of the church that is truly noble, prominent, conspicuous, worthily decorated, and suitable for prayer … as opposed to, say, by the restrooms. The card to access it could be used in conjunction with the automated Confessional, too. Gotta love technology.

      • More Tea Vicar?

        Have you heard of the latest Confession Ap? iSinned…

    • More Tea Vicar?

      Besides, I fail to see why there is a choice of both white AND wholemeal communion breads! What’s the point?
      What next on the discussion? The Eucharist will come in a variety of flavours: Ciabatta, Wholemeal, Tortilla, Multi-Grain, Poppy Seed, Black Pepper, Garlic and Herb …

  • FatherCasey Floyd Jones

    “That is the crux of the matter.” I see what you did thete.

  • samton909

    The German bishops are pushing to have the matter decided by local bishops, They can decide if it was appropriate for one gay person to divorce another because of a partner’s bad fashion sense. I can’t imagine the strain that some of them must be under.

    • Kim Bo

      Ha ha ha!

    • ithakavi

      If the German bishops get to decide, they may wind up with the sort of divorce Hitler gave Ernst Rohm. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • disqus_KXqeZMikzj

    since when is homosexual “marriage” a marriage??? Why would you need an annulment if there is NO marriage in the first place???

    • Dutch Knight

      Sarcasm is so real

    • Greg A

      It’s satire…chill.

    • donald_kenney

      ??? ??? !!! !!! ???
      ? ? ! ! /// /// +++ +++ _-_-_- ?????????????????????* THE END
      ART 2016

      • donald_kenney

        White space, Where are you?

  • Kim Bo

    By 2025, the Church of Vatican 2 will have devolved to this.

    • ithakavi

      This Synod is beginning to look like Vatican 2.5.

  • Dan

    I thought this site was supposed to be satire?

  • Does it change if the divorce is in order to re-marry the same guy & a 3rd guy?
    I’m trying to be satirical but this is in today’s news: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3273776/Gay-married-couple-divorce-one-year-include-man-relationship.html

    • Casper

      Well, this would just be considered under the norms for gay divorce and remarriage, right? Nothing to see here, people…

    • samton909

      I spoke with Archbishop Cupich about this, and he sees nothing wrong with a three way gay couple marriage, so long as it does not violate the “inviolable conscience” of any of the three.

      He is currently leading the three in a deep discernment as to whether a fourth would be a good idea, too, They are reviewing objective Catholic doctrine on the matter. As a guide, only.

      • Casper

        As long as their kids go to Catholic school, and regularly make a spectacle of themselves, it’s all okay.

      • More Tea Vicar?

        As Cardinal Dolan would say: ‘Come in! We’d love to have ya!”

      • CumExApostolatus

        If you speak with Cupich again, ask him to deeply discern whether including pets, farm animals, or children, would violate those inviolable sodomite consciences. May as well try to wrap this all up now.

    • Derek Brown

      A trio of guys would have even more “gifts and qualities to offer” the Church, right? I’m trying to get on board with the Synod. We’re not supposed to be afraid of changes and Fr. Rosica said that we need a new language. I don’t know how difficult this new language will be to learn, but I understand it has a lot of lisping.

      • More Tea Vicar?

        Perhaps a trio of men/trio of women/ two men and a Duckbilled Platypus /two women and a Bichon Frise etc. etc. will have more ”gifts and qualities to offer” the faith! Imagine, if you will, the Offertory Procession: Gifts of bread, wine, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Hugo Boss, Givenchy, Jimmy Choo … such gifts, such quality!
        Father Rosica might react to this by saying ”Now, you are thpeaking my language!”

        • Casper

          Don’t bring Bichons into this! They have better sense!

      • CumExApostolatus

        Hey, we can all learn something from sodomites. I’ll bet your house and wardrobe could use some redecorating.

  • ithakavi

    And climate denial. Don’t forget climate denial.

  • DoghouseRiley9

    The problem with the Synod for EOTT is that it’s too over the top wacky to be parodied. How can you send up something already in outer space?

  • CumExApostolatus

    For shame; EOTT comes off as very ‘unwelcoming’.
    Let ‘cardinal’ Oswald Gracias tell you all about it.

    From ‘Bondings 2.0’ (odd name) which is part of ‘new ways ministry’

    https://newwaysministryblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/cdl-gracias-to-lgbt-people-the-church-embraces-you-wants-you-needs-you/

  • Michael Leggett

    More like “The Synod Of Doom!”