Updated SSPX Catechesis Program To Now Include Fundamentals Of Catholic Trolling

April 27, 2016 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Image: WikiCommons

Image: WikiCommons

SSPX leadership is preparing to launch a new Catechism program in an effort to help better explain Church teaching and how to best completely obliterate lesser Catholics on social media.

“Trolling is important for the Church because with knowledge comes responsibility,” said bishop Donald Vensand, head of the SSPX Council for the Degradation of Inferior Catholics. “With that responsibility comes a duty toward fellow Catholics. Our studies have shown that the best way to get through to people in this new age of communication is to utterly eviscerate everything they believe, even if it takes 30, 40 messages in sequence.”

Although SSPX officials have not yet set a  launch date for the new program, officials are encouraging the faithful to begin practicing  “berate evangelization” for 3 to 4 hours a day.

In an interview with EOTT this morning, Vensand talked about the Church’s need for trolling, saying, “It is the duty of every one of us to make sure that Vatican II Catholics understand how clearly stupid they are. They must understand how dumb and idiotic they are by any means necessary for the salvation of their souls. But we do ask that those who plan to participate in the program to not use expletives until properly trained by a catechesis instructor. Unless, of course, they have a really good zinger, in which case, let the expletives fly like the angels.

  • Mike Ortego

    I want to find out more about this “Council for the Degradation of Inferior Catholics” LOL!!

  • wiffle

    Love it! 🙂

  • I said, to myself, it was the “Degradation of Inferior Catholics” Institute, or the Degradation of Inferior Catholic Institutes…but this is news to me!

  • wlinden

    Marcus Cardinal Sheavius, Pro-Secretary of the Sacred Congregation for Blogs and Social Media, promptly issued a stinging denunciation of the announcement.

  • Wildgraywolf

    So, if all of you would forgive the pun: bishop Donald Vensand is the head DIC (Degradation of Inferior Catholics). I may be banned or my post deleted, but I couldn’t just let this pass by. Please forgive my momentary weakness…

    • Monk

      Perhaps If you had used the appellation “DIC Head”, you would have been sanctioned. But you did not.

      • Wildgraywolf

        Well, in all honesty, I did consider wording it that way.

  • And so the Church Belligerent rears its head.

  • Pope Michael

    I warn against making fun of this. Council for the Degradation of Inferior Catholics is no laughing matter. We now had 665 members join and are still considering if we should allow more in. The security at the meetings rivals the
    K of C, as not only do we have an inner guard and an outer guard. We also have a closed door guard, an open door guard, a doorknob guard, two key guards, as well as the parking policeman.

    • Do you hold meetings in the Prancing Pony? The guards there are as air-headed as their chief, Butterbur.
      Better hold meetings in a Masonic Lodge where there are no windows or doors or knobs to guard.

  • Benjamin Warren

    I get that this is a satire site… but the SSPX looks better every day. Besides, I’d bet donuts to dollars that they aren’t like this at all. It makes you sound like a modernist.

    • Ginkgo100

      Poe’s Law got me with this comment. Can’t tell if this is satire or sincere.

      • Satire and Sincere are mutually exclusive? Satire is chocolate-coated truth dipped in a spicy sauce of laughing gas.

        • Monk

          Please avoid laughing for 48 hours after taking spicy sauce.

    • If you read carefully, this might be nothing about the SSPX but the other camp…

  • MamaFactotum

    “Unless, of course, they have a really good zinger, in which case, let the expletives fly like the angels.” I love it!! I keep imagining little angels zinging off in all directions, like the Manichaeans releasing bits of Light when they ate 😛

  • Bertrand Fellow

    SSPX? Liberals! I recommend the Society of Such Pious Gents as the authentic breakaway (definitely not a) schismatic group!