Local Man Demands Pope Create Commission To Study Role Of Insufferable Catholics In The Church

August 3, 2016 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads



Local man Tim Sutherland announced this morning that he was demanding that Pope Francis create a commission to study the historical role of insufferable Catholics in the Church.

The demand for the commission was promised by a frustrated Sutherland one day after the Pope met with a group of nuns on May 12, where Francis announced that the Vatican should study the question of ordaining women as deacons. A fed up Sutherland promptly requested that Francis first study the question of whether “nagging feminists” should be allowed in the Church in the first place.

“Tim Sutherland expressed his intention for Pope Francis to establish an official commission that could study the question of unbearable women and men who continually badger the Holy See for stupid and impossible things,” a spokesman for Sutherland said.

“After intense prayer and mature reflection, Mr. Sutherland has decided to petition the Pope to institute The Commission for the Study of Insufferable Catholics.”

Up till now, all women have been able to perform many of the same functions as men in the Church, including praying, receiving and giving communion, and participating in the Mass. They have not been given the right to say Mass, hear confession, or become deacons. But now more than ever, a growing minority of women have been asking Church leaders to give them more power in the Church, as participating in the Mass and receiving the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ is not powerful enough.

  • Joe

    If I could only find a parody site.

    So tired of the news.

  • RissyAnne1

    I’m not lying, I nearly wet myself. The writer has managed to tap into my frustrations perfectly!

  • kag1982

    The most unsufferable Catholics in the Church are American conservative Catholics who think they are purer and better than everyone else and who tattle on their fellow Catholics like they are in junior high. They are certainly more insufferable than the “feminazis” who refuse to kowtow to local Trump supporter and Rush Limbaugh listener Tim Sutherland and make him his darn sammich.

    • samton909

      Take more drugs.

      • WayfarinStranger

        Can’t play video, but that looks like Ian Richardsonn, who played Higgins in a B’way revival of MFL, if I recall correctly.

        • It’s Rex Harrison in the film version of “My Fair Lady.”

        • Joe

          The screenshot is of Wilfrid Hyde-White, who plays Col. Pickering in the movie.

    • Monk

      Clearly, your wisdom is the fruit of much prayer and penance.

      • kag1982

        I am assuming this is sarcasm.

        • BJ Van Gundy

          Ditto @disqus_KuMTjorwiA:disqus

        • Monk

          Prayer and penance will help you with your morality issues. Humility, docility and obedience come as a bonus.

          • kag1982

            LOL. Prayer and penance for your intolerance.

          • Monk

            I just learned a few things, dear kag1982, thanks to the internet, and I am grieved over the trauma you experienced by Catholic malpractice, but am thrilled that you recognized the blame lay with personal, not doctrinal, matters. I, too, have suffered. Fortunately for contemplative me, the intensity of the interior life more than compensates for the external — superficial and narcissistic, really — politics.
            I meant no harm. Peace be with you.

          • kag1982

            So you guys have somewhere where you mock and harass me? Not shocking.

          • Monk

            ? I only Googled “kag1982” and read some of your comments on other websites because I was bothered that you were bothered. I’m sincerely asking your forgiveness for aggravating a sore spot.

          • wiffle

            You may have aggravated a sore spot, but it was a sorely needed correction. Our intrepid poster thinks purely in stereotypes, as many liberals do. I don’t have much hope for change but perhaps others might recognize themselves.

          • Hotrod1962

            Maybe you should give up your moral preening for lent.

          • Monk

            I wasn’t aware that I was preening, morally or otherwise. Must work on self-knowledge this week between Vigils and Lauds.

        • VeilOfTiers

          LOL! I am surprised to see you here. This is no place for the humorless.

      • WayfarinStranger

        LOL. Ever watch Big Bank Theory? Paraphrasing…
        Sheldon: Sarcasm?
        Normal Person: Yes.
        Sheldon: I’m getting good at this.

    • Betsy-Lou-Who

      Just a little satire, kag1982, with a speck of persiflage to keep us smiling,.

      • Hotrod1962

        Persiflage: thank you for adding to my vocabulary 🙂

  • David W

    I imagine their role goes all the way back to Acts and the Circumcisers. 😉

  • Carol McKinley

    I needed this.

  • Roseanne Sullivan

    Very funny! Very sad too!

  • After all of the insufferable things the Holy See has done since the start of this pontificate, there isn’t much left for these people to demand, is there?

  • Buckeye Finfan

    I’m sure some of these women would jump at the chance to perform a circumcision.

  • Rose Lincoln

    Where’s the petition? I’ll sign it straight away!

  • anthony46

    While Mr. Sutherland has pointed out the idiocy of appointing a commission to study woman Deacons, he kinda loses me when he says: ” They have not been given the right to say Mass”. This is a concept left over from pre-Vatican II. Priests don’t say Mass, the celebrate Mass or offer the Sacrifice of the Mass. The terms “say Mass” or “hear Mass” come from the time of the Tridentine Mass when the said most of the Mass quietly and facing an Altar that had been shoved up against the wall while the congregation wwas engaging in private prayers like reciting the Rosary. There are actually still people around today who claim that was holier than participating in the Celebration of The Mass.

    • Monk

      I guess it all depends on one’s intent. Is the Eucharistic liturgy worship or fellowship? Of course, it’s both. But the worship aspect is lost on this narcissistic, spectator generation of priests and congregations in many places. If one is given priority during that one short hour, it might be better to emphasize undistracted worship, and dispense with Father’s theatrical performance.