New Protestant “Achilles’ Heel Free Bible” Omits Matthew 16:18, Book of James

January 19, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Protestant book publisher Branch Of A Branch Publishing announced today the publication of their new Achilles’ Heel Free Bible, which is said to omit Matthew 16:18 and The Book of James. Branch Of A Branch Publishing founder and president Pastor Blake Williams told EOTT this morning that he “thought it time to relieve the stress from Protestants who stumble across awkward passages while studying the Good Word.” “We all obviously... Read More

Vatican To Issue Martin Luther Tramp Stamps

January 19, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos to Catholics in honor of German priest and protestant reformer Martin Luther this October. Although Martin Luther was declared a heretic and excommunicated in 1521, Vatican officials have reportedly sent letters to all Catholics that are “able and willing” to visit Rome for the “official issuing of the ecclesiastical tramp stamp.” “We... Read More

Ringling Bros. Circus And Its Subsidiary The Vatican To Shut Down In May

January 16, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image:AlejandroLinaresGarcia

Image:AlejandroLinaresGarcia   After  more than 140 years, the curtain is coming down on “The Greatest Show on Earth,” Roman Curia and Ringling Bros. Circus and Barnum & Bailey Circus board member Bishop Antonio Scarlatti said early Monday morning. The iconic Roman spectacle and its principle Ringling Bros. Circus explained that declining attendance combined with high payroll for most members of the clergy in the curia contributed... Read More

As 2000th Anniversary of Pentecost Approaches, God Still Refuses to Clarify Ambiguous Passages of Scripture

January 13, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Advocates of family values and traditional marriage spoke out today, demanding again that Jesus Christ clarify his words, “If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (Lk 14:26). “This wildly ambiguous remark can easily be taken as an attack on the institution of the family itself. We are gravely concerned that Jesus... Read More

San Diego Bishop McElroy To Relocate To Los Angeles

January 12, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

San Diego bishop Robert McElroy announced today that he would be relocating to Los Angeles, ending a two-year stint with San Diego. McElroy has notified Pope Francis and other bishops of his intent to move to Los Angeles by the 2017 Lenten season, sources said. “At first I hoped it was fake news,” San Diego Hall of Fame bishop Robert Brom said of the move. “It’s something that is unfathomable, but it is reality.” “This... Read More

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