Incense Vaping: The Latest Danger At Roman Seminaries

January 10, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

A recent uptick in admissions to Roman hospitals has Swiss Guards concerned after seminarians in various colleges in and around the Vatican have turned to vaping powerful blends of incense.

The problem reached a crescendo on Epiphany Eve when thirteen seminarians from the North American College overdosed while vaping contraband incense at a Three Kings Party.

The incense found by authorities during a raid at the party is a powerful and pure blend that is called “Wisdom of the Past” found on the streets and back rooms in the Vatican. Lead Swiss Guard detective Giovanni Verde told EOTT that “seminarians today are not used to the real unadulterated incense of past ages.”

“The incense available in most churches today has been so repeatedly cut with fillers and inert ingredients that it barely resembles the unadulterated original. The more authorities try to introduce the ineffective stuff the more seminarians and young priests seek out the ‘Wisdom of the Past’ wherever they can find it.”

At the time of the raid, all thirteen of those rushed to the hospital insisted that they had never been better. Authorities, however, found their thinking distorted and their speech rigid.

“One exposure to ‘Wisdom of the Past’ is enough to cause problems for these young men,” Verde said. “They think many issues in the Church, today, can be solved by turning to these powerful formulations of past ages.”

At press time, the thirteen young men are being treated for “smoke inhalation” at an undisclosed Roman hospital and are considered to be in stable condition.

  • WLB1949

    No doubt the current Pontiff will soon visit them to encourage them to be cured of their unhealthy addiction! Let us pray.

  • “(T)heir thinking distorted and their speech rigid.” Ah, so THAT’s the reason: inhaling Wisdom of the Past! How could we not have KNOWN!

  • Joyfully

    Wait. I know a few young people who “vape” marijuana to get a buzz. Are these seminarians trying to get high? On incense? That is striking in its idiocy. Or are they “vaporizing” incense into the local air to simulate what it may have smelt like in the good old days? This is unclear.

    • amfriesen

      I could get into vaping to smell the air instead of ingesting – I have a diffuser for essential oils – this is probably a step up

    • Nicholas Estrada

      This is a farce site. It’s a joke

      • Joyfully

        Thanks for the heads up. I usually enjoy parody because I can usually smell the difference. Not so much with this site, I guess I’ve become incensitive do to all the fake news these days.

        • Wildgraywolf

          Yeah, I didn’t get it right away either… I almost embarrassed myself with an impromptu “dissertation” I had whipped up.

        • James

          Haha I see what you did there..”smell the difference”… “incensitive”.. LOL

  • Christopher Clark

    This is your brain on frankincense.

    • Beth Van


  • samton909

    Ah, for the good old days of the 80’s, when all our priests smoked weed, or at least acted as if they did.

    • VeilOfTiers

      And here I thought it was all because of Vatican II…

  • Stephen M. Cross

    Warning: “Wisdom of the Past” is highly addictive. Sampling it can lead to such serious side-effects as reading the Church Fathers, appreciation for Gregorian Chant, Latin, and even worse, time spent in Adoration of our Lord!

  • Dom

    The Diocese of Los Angeles has been using e-thruibles for years now, according to The Eye.

    This is likely how it the trend started. Truly the Vape of Satan has penetrated the walls of the Vatican…

  • Wildgraywolf

    You gotta watch out when partying with the 3 Kings… they were a week late to the nativity because of a side trip for Doritos.

  • The “AD [Orientem] Council” has a commercial in which Fr. Benedict walks in on his son vaping. The latter responds, “I learned it by watching you, alright? I learned it by watching you!”

  • Robert

    You think it’s a problem in the West, you should see some Eastern seminaries. And, don’t even get me started on Mt. Athos.

  • More Tea Vicar?

    Well, Holy (no) Smoke!

  • Hotrod1962

    I once vaped chrism oil and for 3 weeks I thought I was Pope Innocent II. I was out of it……I excommunicated my barber for bad haircut, my priest for a bad sermon (it was really bad), and all catholic politicians that support abortion (I did have moments of lucidity).

  • turn2

    Eerily similar to what happened to our forebears in the Garden, whose downfall came after they viped.

  • TheMonix

    This’ll totally sings ‘sweet leaf’ of a different ember. (cough, cough, cough……)