Catholic Mom Confident That Nice, Pretty Girl Who Sits Behind Her At Mass Would Be Perfect For Her Deadbeat Son

July 11, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life


The mother of local deadbeat Anthony Green confirmed to friends and family today that the sweet, pretty girl that sits behind her at Mass on Sundays would be “just perfect” for her son.

Tamara Green, mother of four, excitedly told those gathered at their weekly bingo night that the “adorable thing” is just what her son needed to get his life on track.

“When I first saw her, I definitely thought she could be the one I’ve been praying for to whip him into shape,” Tamara Green said as she mumbled a quick prayer to St. Raphael. “He’s been out sowing his wild oats—such a typical boy—but I’d like it if he would settle down and raise a nice little Catholic family. When I spotted her volunteering at the St. Vincent de Paul Village on Tuesday, I just knew she was his match made in heaven. My son never volunteers, so she’d be a great influence on him. I just have to devise a creative little meetup since I know I would never be able to get him to go to Mass and see for himself.”

Tamara Green also said that she was hopeful that God was calling the “precious little angel” to work tirelessly for the rest of her life tending to Anthony, and in doing so, giving up her dreams of possibly becoming a nun or marrying an honest and respectable man of God.

“The thing is, God calls all of us to carry our cross, and I truly believe that Anthony is the cross this girl might need. He’ll give her the opportunity to strengthen her patience, just as she’ll sanctify him by getting him to stop playing video games, to get a job, start attending Mass, and getting him to stop leaving crumbs all over his bedroom.”

At press time, family and friends are concerned for the well-being of the girl in question, and are quietly saying a prayer to St. Raphael to not let Tamara Green’s prayers be answered.

  • Robin

    I know the names have been changed. You are talking about my son aren’t you?
    I once forced him to volunteer taking flowers to a nursing home. So he is not all the deadbeat you make him out to be.

    • Sue Hardebeck


  • Louis Bertrand

    That was common when Protestant pastors/ministers arrived without a wife.

    • Casper

      Only for the deadbeats, I presume?

  • Jim Brooks

    Fat chance this going to happen any time soon. I mean really it took St. Monica 16 years of endless pray to get her son, St. Augustine’s life back on track. Don’t be holding your breath on this one Mom

  • Casper

    Well, he is kinda cute.

  • Matt Swaim

    Cheaper than hiring a life coach!

  • Lee Anne

    Oh gosh, when I was in college my roommate and I went to a small parish. The ladies kept trying to fix us up with a couple of guys who attended Penn State. They were NOT interested. It got so embarrassing that different ladies would introduce us to them. Lol we did meet wonderful men years later and are happy ever after.

    • samton909

      Are you all in one group family now or something?

      • Lee Anne

        Oh gosh no. I married when I was in the Air Force. I’ve been married 34 years. My college roommate married a wonderful man and is a widow.

      • Sgt Carver

        So that’s the level you operate at?

  • SJ Man

    Sounds familiar…..

  • Anthony

    Haha, too funny. Sound like the mom needs to teach her son how to grow up. No woman would ever want to marry a boy child.

    • samton909

      Hillary Clinton did.

  • Howard

    Too late! She’s already married a man doing a life sentence.

  • VeilOfTiers

    Ah, we have the opposite problem. No nice girls for the altar boys.

    Maybe they should become priests…