Pope Warns Warmongers One Last Time Before Unleashing His Vengeance

November 6, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image: Andrew Hermiz


After celebrating the Feast of All Souls Day last week, Pope Francis took to the mic to warn humanity “one last time” that the only fruit yielded by conflict is death by his hands.

Using the occasion to remind those gathered that he had “nothing to lose, but the chance for sweet justice,” Francis said he chose to recently visit a cemetery in Nettuno, Italy as a sign that crossing his path meant certain death.

Speaking directly to the camera this morning, Francis issued a stern warning to warmongers, saying in part, “Let this be a warning—I may be going to hell. I sent many deserving warmongers to their doom. I have no regrets. They’ll be waiting for me. When I arrive, they’ll wish God had sent me to heaven.”

After having been asked by the Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Luis Francisco Ladaria Ferrer, why he needed to use a gun to accomplish his mission, Francis, having just put out a cigarette on his bare tongue, said, “Because you shouldn’t play with knives.”

At press time, His Holiness has just issued a two sentence-long motu proprio, which reads, “Holy ones suffer, and the warmonger must be punished. My Battlefield symbols aren’t white and yellow—they’re blood red and personal.”

  • HermitTalker

    More EOTT idiot insane not satire.

    • samton909

      Get back in the car seat

      • HermitTalker

        I mutinied and now I do be driving-all the dissident, Krazy Kooks into praying the N.O. Dey be going bonkers.

    • Rose Lincoln

      Oh, I must be an idiot then cause I like it.

      • HermitTalker

        Not guilty by reason of insanity and not knowing satire from stupid. samton909 be my mentor.

  • 2ID Doc

    Spoken like a former bouncer at a nightclub…

  • Hotrod1962

    Oh boy…..looks like Francis is upping the production of more Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch.

    • Jim

      Run away!

      • HermitTalker

        Jim, do not spoil the fun. for the group. I like to stir the pot here. Not always appreciated but we take the rough with the smooth;

        • Jim

          Not sure what you you’re referring to. I was just joining in on Hotrod’s Monty Python reference.

          • VeilOfTiers

            I doubt many hermits have watched Monty Python. Although a certain hermit in this thread did refer to the pope refering to “sons of snakes”. Is there a Monty Python Jr. ?

          • HermitTalker

            Love your sisterly concern Veil. Clever link between Monty and Python and Jesus’ Snakes, I have seen several Monty Ps sketches performed but totally missed Jim,s reference. Keep uo your sharp insights. They allow me a few hour pass from the Hermitage daily and I look for satire on EOTT but rarely find any.

  • Monk

    With the reforms of the Second Vatican Council, so many inspiring, imprecatory verses from Scripture were removed from the liturgy. It’s nice to have the Pope making threats against and cursing violent men. So biblical!

    • HermitTalker

      Tibi dabo Gracias Monachus Fidelis. I love that Francis is Christ’s Vicar and calls out his biblically illiterate critics with appropriate phrases like sons of snakes, rotten bone tombs and a female dog such as the Lebanese woman. Classics of the Sicilian Cursing style. Unworthy of EOTT as I opined below but Tradition at its Petrine best, Viva il Papa. Imprecant Omnes Stultissimi Illegitimi.

    • Mr. Graves

      And everyone knows you never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

  • kamiller42

    Cardinal Burke and Father Thomas Weinandy have mysteriously gone missing. They were last seen in the back of the Pope’s Fiat “going for a long ride.”

    • HermitTalker

      Shipped to Iran for beheading as traitors, to be canonised in 3017 or later. Burke’s Cappa Magna will make thousands on the black market as souvenirs. To buy the two out of purgatory before canonisation by a future legalistic Pontiff once Mercy is finally banished by a future R,Arroyo and her Papal Posse of Femi NAZIS.

  • Norman

    “Because you shouldn’t play with knives”– LOL!!