Pope Sees Own Shadow; Predicts Six More Decades Of Francis Papacy

February 5, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

 

The world’s most famous pope foresees no early end to his papacy.

The Pope’s handlers announced Friday that Pope Francis had seen his own shadow earlier that day.

Legend has it that if the furry Pope casts a shadow on the feast of St. Agatha, the people of the world are to expect no less that six more decades of the Francis papacy, or at least Francis-like papacy.

“It’s really a cool thing to see,” said Alice Moya, just one of the hundreds of spectators that gathered at the Vatican Friday. “It’s one of those things that you hope to one day scratch off your bucket list.

Bundled up and dancing to music in the freezing cold, another visitor, Tabatha O’Neill, told EOTT that the event was all that she had imagined.

“The event was really fun. One of the Pope’s handlers took him out of his cage, a humble looking cage, of course, and pulled him up by the scruff of his neck. Then he pretended to listen to something Francis was saying before finally announcing that the Pope had announced 60 more years of his papacy. That’s when I threw up. A lot of people booed while others cheered. Then, as is custom, everyone went on to their blogs or other website comboxes and started going apeshit at each other. It was fun.”

  • strickerm

    He’s lined up enough rainbow-hatters that 60 years is a definite possibility.

  • Wiffle

    That default scowl of his…we had a Friar with one of those. He was a peace activist before he retired. Peace and goodwill right now!, or I will scowl some more seemed to be the way he operated.

  • pat

    hard to believe that there will be a church in 60 years.

    • Wiffle

      The demographics are not particularly promising on that point. Western Catholicism, even the US, will be in chapels, not cathedral if nothing changes..

    • HermitTalker

      Try JESUS PROMISE GATES OF HELL WILL LOSE

      • pat

        “When the son of man returns, will he find faith upon the earth?”
        Some points to ponder:
        As ever, point 1 Francis is not God.
        2. the promise does not mean that the church will be larger than a handful of people on earth.
        3. the church is comprised of 3 parts. The church triumphant (forgive me for using an outdated term from the bad old days) will not be overcome, the church militant (again pardon) has been and can again be reduced, and Pope Benedict even suggested that was happening before he was elected.

        • Wiffle

          “As ever, point 1 Francis is not God.”

          Oops…quietly removes mobile Francis altar from car

          • pat

            you could sell it on e-bay. Should fetch a good price. Plenty of Prius drivers out there.

        • Wiffle

          Also, for to a gate to give way we actually have to lay siege to it. Gates don’t attack. We have to do something.

    • Frank Hammond

      I belong to a Social Security Parish – No one under 65 attends – same for the neighboring Parishes.

  • HermitTalker

    Holy Pope, guided by the H. Spirit. Fearless. Draining the Tiber slowly of crocodiles and alligators.

    • pat

      Please, I just ate!

    • GaryLockhart

      Now there’s some satire!

    • pat

      tsk, tsk…We don’t say pope anymore… remember?
      his humbleness has unworded that patriarchal, hierarchal rigorist misogynistic term.

      I know it’s hard to keep up, things are changing by the day, but do try…

      • HermitTalker

        DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

        • pat

          you mean Doh!!!!!!!!!! as Homer Simpson would say!

        • samton909

          I particularly like the avant-garde use of two “1”‘s at the end of your comment. Evocative of Neo-Hegelian Post Modernist abstraction. I have contacted my art broker, you can expect a call.

  • christopherschaefer

    Myths such as this tie our present to the distant past when nature did, indeed, influence our lives, and carnal appetites were not tempered by Christianity. Indeed, who am I to judge? This is the day that, high up on Vatican Hill aka Gobbler’s Knob, the Pontifex pellicius comes out of his hole after a 2,000-year slumber to await a less ‘repressive’ age. If he sees his shadow, he returns to his hole but continues his reign therein, where the dank horrors of than infernal pit continue to influence his thoughts. When his shadow thus has been seen, the ensuing period is called “Hiems Secunda Ecclesiae” (‘The Church’s Second Winter’). Cardinal Marx celebrated the occasion by threatening to increase the Kirchensteuereinzug if he was not permitted to bless gay marriages. The Chinese government immediately responded by consecrating seven new bishops—then submitted the names to the Pontifex pellicius for a symbolic but triumphant, after-the-fact ‘approval’. The Vatican’s “Inner Circle” is now working with Discovery Studios and Animal Planet to create a one hour documentary called: ‘A St. Agatha Day Story: The Tale of a Pontifex Pellicius, His Shadow—and the People Who Protect Him’. The film documents the ‘Time Loop’ in which the Pontifex Pellicius constantly relives a single psychotherapy session back in Argentina, until he’s finally able to come up with a solution to “rigid” clergy and Millennials.

    • pat

      Don’t hold your breath waiting for the Vatican to stop Cardinal Marx and the Germans.

      • Wiffle

        Too much $$$ comes from the Germans to even try to stop the insanity. The poor, you see, will suffer if Germany stops buying it’s virtue. We all know that Jesus asks for a detailed accounting of hours spent in social work activities or otherwise, it’s the time out room for you!

        • pat

          well, his humbleness did say he wanted a poor church!

  • pat

    I would have suggested a story about the pope seeing his shadow on Candlemas resulting in 6 more weeks of Lent, but then I thought, what’s the point, no one under 50 knows what Lent is.

    • Frank Hammond

      Doesn’t lent start on Ash Thursday this year? I know Wednesday is Valentine’s Day.

      • Monk

        Requiring couples to abstain on Valentine’s Day would seem to place an undue burden upon them.

        • pat

          I was thinking about keeping a Vatican II Lent this year… you know, read an article about poverty, maybe go all out and put 50 cents in the rice bowl. But, Francis has got me thinking about doing a millennial Lent, you know giving up racism, and rigorism and going to a tolerance workshop, maybe even wearing a BLM symbol for Ash Wednesday.

  • pat

    I’m sure it was as humble a shadow as can be.

  • samton909

    I have been feeling like the guy in “Groundhog Day” ever since Francis became Pope.

    • Wiffle

      It’s just not clear how we get of the day. I certainly will volunteer to learn the play the piano, if that helps.

  • HermitTalker

    Rx, Crawl back in your burrows groundhogs. Please. Pope has Satan after him does not need any pseudo- catholic second-guessrers.

    • samton909

      Do you mean that Satan will be the next Pope?

    • pat

      he’s not playing hard to get.

  • paulavizinis

    Comments sound like children trying to grind their rubber hatchets. Yup, these articles do seem to draw out the worms. My congrats to the author for flushing them out. Consider prayer as a remedy.

    • HermitTalker

      Welcome another voice of sanity.. Against the tiny brains yielding the rubber hatchets attacking Petr’s Boat

      • pat

        Another line for the litany of Francis
        Francis, suffering servant
        Francis, most humble
        Francis, most wise
        Francis, most merciful
        Francis, most orthodox

    • Wiffle

      That’s very Christian of you. I know I’m inspired to pray, certainly.

  • kamiller42

    I look forward to the next pope, one who will embrace the ideals and fundamentals which have served the Church so well for hundreds of years. It’s time to Make Catholicism Great Again! #MCGA

    • pat

      I would settle at this point for just making Catholicism Catholic again.
      “only when you’ve been in the deepest valley…”

    • HermitTalker

      Tihis Bishop of Rome does that. However tiny gnats and intellectual pygmies bite him regularly. Trump is not exactly a moral model for the Pope in making Jesus’ Church great again, even as I m glad he beat HRC and the Democrat Evil Axis.

      • pat

        Come on, you voted for her didn’t you?
        She was all into the new theological virtues of tolerance, inclusion and diversity. She uses all the right words… She wants to build a borderless one world utopia, might even have allowed Francis to be the head of the new one world happy happy religion…

      • samton909

        At least Trump did not say “we should stop talking about abortion so much”.

        • HermitTalker

          Try reading and understanding Francis of Rome. Trying to follow Donald J is above your pay grade

          • samton909

            At this point, Trump seems more against abortion than the Pope.

          • pat

            That is a statement which is bound to bring a lot of harsh rebukes,
            Because, either it is seen as false and attacked by Francophiles as slander against the Holy man (who is merely the victim of bad media coverage and a vast right wing conspiracy)
            or it is seen by them as true because the pope (to his glorious credit) is not a culture warrior, and thus refrains from breaking the bruised reed or quenching the smoldering ember.
            But, either way, the pope comes up smelling like roses. Not to mention – seemingly favorable mention of Trump enrages the Francis wing to no end.

      • kamiller42

        Not all popes are equal. Pope Francis’ legacy will not be kind. He is intellectually light like Jimmy Carter with the desire for “fundamental transformation” like Obama. Dangerous combination.

    • Wiffle

      This is a great deal more optimism than I have, given how Pope JP the II and Benedict didn’t clean house and Pope Francis is literally stocking the pond with Bishops who think like him. To be really dark on you, I’m sort of waiting for the money to run dry, barring literal divine intervention.

  • HermitTalker

    Are you heretics planning to give up criticising the Bishop of Rome for Lent

    • Wiffle

      1) We can all politely criticize the Bishop of Rome in areas that outside of his charisma, ie, the teaching of Catholic morals. In other words, we can certainly disagree on politics, economics, or science theory. We just can’t plot to overthrow him with violence or disrespect the office. Straight out of the catechism, look it up.

      1a) Papal infallibility only applies to speaking ex-cathedra, inline with the magisterium. If he starts to stray, “Pope Francis said so” will not be an excuse for all of us who know better.

      2)It’s a mortal sin to bear false witness to a neighbor, that is calling people heretics who clearly completely conforming to the magisterium, including avoiding Papal, ie idol worship

      3)Trolling people is hardly the way to start Lent yourself. You might want to consider giving up Eye of the Tiber for Lent as it’s clearly a near occasion of sin for you. You may also want to disconnect yourself from any news of Pope Francis in the attempt to disconnect from what is a man based worship and focus on Christ and love of God.

      4)You’re welcome for the help. 🙂

    • pat

      I’m was thinking of keeping a Vatican II lent this year (as I said)… you know, read an article about poverty, nag people about it for a while (virtue) and maybe put $1 in the rice bowl. Begin each day with a rousing chorus of “we are called, we are chosen”…

      but, now that you mention it maybe I should do a Pope Francis/millennial lent… giving up borders, air conditioners, racism etc, combined with massive virtue signaling and scolding. Instead of ashes I thought I’d wear a BLM button on a code pink shirt.