Parishioner Who Makes 350K A Year Anonymously Slips $20 Bill Into Donation Envelope With A Little Wink To Heaven

May 22, 2018 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  According to several reports from Heaven, well-to-do parishioner Herbert Edward Kingsley III took out a crisp $20 bill from his bill fold last Sunday, before secretly placing it into the donation basket. One saint that saw Kingsley’s Godlike humility was longtime saint Thomas Aquinas who said that all that he had seen in Heaven now seemed like straw compared to that which he had witnessed early Sunday morning on earth. “Truly remarkable,”... Read More

Pope Francis Tells Total Prick: “God Loves You, But The Rest Of Us Think You’re An Ass”

May 21, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  A prick, who has been a complete and utter bastard to friends and strangers alike, said Pope Francis recently told him that he being an ass “doesn’t matter” and that “God made you like this.” Pablo Santiago Iglesias, who met with the pope last month, told EOTT about the conversation early this morning in an exclusive interview. “Pablo, that you are a total ass doesn’t matter,” Iglesias said Francis told him. “God... Read More

Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

May 18, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: ThomasToti   Nervously rubbing his hands on the eve of his wedding, an anxious Prince Henry “Harry” of Wales told EOTT that he was still scared about how his fiancé would take the news when she found out that her soon-to-be-husband lied to her and was actually sixth in line to having his own church, as opposed to fifth as he told her early on in their relationship. “I’m freaking nervous as bloody hell,” Prince Harry said, stating... Read More

Outraged Critics of Pope Francis Demand He Answer “Laurel/Yanny” Dubia

May 17, 2018 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

  Pope Francis’ exhortation on the Laurel/Yanny debate, in which he appears to open the possibility of communion for people no matter whether they hear the word “Laurel” or “Yanny” has outraged many of his critics. Four cardinals have now issued an open letter to Pope Francis calling for him to respond to their dubia over his decision, which they say goes against what they hear in the audio recording. The audio clip, which was posted on... Read More

Mark Shea Bans Self From Facebook Page

May 15, 2018 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  After hours of banning people from his personal Facebook page, well-known Catholic author and blogger Mark Shea has reportedly banned himself from his own page. “I think we’ve all had enough of his ultra-conservative, communist, pro-life, liberal, pro-abortion, hyper-Catholic, godless, split personality ways,” Shea wrote in a recent blog condemning himself. The decision to ban himself comes on the heels of Shea officially banning... Read More

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