So-Called “Christian” Wearing A Mask

May 21, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

So-called “Christian” and “believer” Alexander Humphrey was seen early this morning wearing a mask, despite the “fact” that he has been baptized, and therefore should heed the words of scripture and not fear, for the Lord is with him.

According to several sources, fraud and imposter Alexander Humphrey, who up till this morning was widely known as a model Christian, was shopping at a local grocery store when he was seen wearing a “veil of weakness” and “shroud of cowardice.”

“I couldn’t believe it,” his mother Janice Humphrey told EOTT in a fit of rage. “All these years I raised him to be a man––a true man of God––a soldier for Christ. And there he stands at the checkout line, a pitiful excuse of one supposedly reborn in the sprit of the Lord.”

“Jesus apparently said, ‘Fear I leave you, my fear I give to you,'” joked Fr. James Thomas, longtime spiritual confessor of the weak and feeble little “Christian” Alexander Humphrey. “Exactly as the world gives do I give to you. Let your hearts be troubled, let them be very, very afraid.'”

At press time, the one-time faithful Christian is sanitizing his hands with Satan’s holy water.