Report: 10% Fewer Catholic High School Students Will Leave Their Faith Due to School Closures

July 28, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Kevin Kukla ( A survey of recent-graduating seniors from Catholic high schools from across the country today revealed some surprising statistics. According to the survey, only 63% of graduating seniors admitted to being atheists by the end of their senior year of Catholic high school, a 10% reduction from the previous year. Patsy Jenkins, the principal a local Catholic high school, was not happy about the findings, saying... Read More

Religious Orders Call On MLB To Force San Diego Padres To Change Name

July 24, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Dozens of Catholic religious leaders and communities sent a letter to MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Monday asking the league to force the Padres organization to change their team name to something less offensive. The letter obtained by EOTT demands the league to stop all use of “Catholic names and depictions,” and specifically asks the Padres in general to “cease all papist caricatures.” “You have sports teams like the Padres, which... Read More

Indecisive Couple Names Baby “Francis Viganò”

July 17, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

After months of considering what to name their first born son, local indecisive Catholic couple Maryann Reynolds and her Knight of Columbus Freemason husband Edward have finally decided to settle on the name Francis Viganò, the couple told EOTT this morning.  “We’re just so excited,” Maryann said as she ordered her bookshelf, placing Hans Küng’s What I Believe next to Marcel Lafebvre’s I Accuse The Council! “At... Read More

Pope Michael Not Sure What To Do With $1.6 Billion Dollar Check From Government

July 14, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Pope Michael has been granted $1.6 billion dollars in federal coronavirus aid, and the co-called “true” Vicar of Christ has no clue what to do with it. “If you’re wondering what I’m wondering, which is how did I get approved for $1.6 billion in federal aid without even applying for it, well, I think I have an answer,” said Pope Michael preparing to jump off his diving board and into his pool which was now filled... Read More