Catholic Answers Begins Promoting Alyssa Milano’s New Chastity Talk

May 13, 2019 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Catholic Answers announced this past Saturday that they will begin promoting their new lineup of chastity speakers, including Alyssa Milano, in an effort to help educate “as broad an audience as possible” about the beauty of chastity.    “At first we thought that bringing Alyssa Milano on as a chastity speaker was a bold move,” Events Representative Cassidy McDougal told EOTT this morning. “We understood coming in that her call for women... Read More

Game Of Thrones Starbucks Cup Reportedly To Appear Nude In Season Finale

May 8, 2019 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Explaining that the long-awaited appearance of the Starbucks cup during last week’s episode of Game of Thrones was “not at all an accident,” one of the show’s executive producers Bernie Caulfield told viewers on Conan last night that there was “plenty more to see in the coming weeks.” “We’ve always prided ourselves in giving our fans the unexpected, and this was no exception,” Caulfield said, trying her best not reveal any secrets.... Read More

Theaters Across America To Hold Vigil Showings Of “Avengers: Endgame” For Faithful Who Cannot Attend Holy Day Showings On Friday

April 25, 2019 by  
Filed under Parish Life

In anticipation of large crowds for Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame, theater managers from across the country have announced that they will be holding vigil showings for the faithful who cannot attend holy day showings. “We are very excited about all the zeal and enthusiasm that we have seen for this movie,” said 16-year-old Regal Cinema manager Craig Livingston. “So, to help accommodate those who cannot make it to holy day... Read More

Easter Worshiper Converts To Christianity

April 24, 2019 by  
Filed under Parish Life

In a surprise announcement to friends and family, local Easter Worshiper Ed Jenkins revealed Wednesday that he has decided to convert to Christianity. The stunning announcement has reportedly shaken the faith of many of Jenkins’ fellow Easter Worshipers, some of whom claimed that Jenkins himself was the individual that first led them “to the faith.” “He was a pillar of our community,” said 34-year-old Grace Decker. “I’ve only... Read More

New Cirque Du Soleil Show Just A Novus Ordo Mass

April 22, 2019 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Staring in awe as she stared out onto the stage, Las Vegas visitor Allison Garrity was moved to tears Saturday evening after seeing whimsical, beautiful, yet somehow haunting performance of Cirque Du Soleil’s newest show, La Messe. My husband and I couldn’t take our eyes off the stage,” Garrity told EOTT, adding that the La Messe show stood out in how closely it resembled the Novis Ordo they attended at home. “They writers of the show nailed everything.... Read More

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