Protestants Object To Removal Of Statues For Once

August 21, 2017 by  
Filed under Politics

Protestants from around the country for once Thursday finally expressed sadness and dismay over the removal of statues from several locations in the wake of the Charlottesville riots. “It’s sad to see the history and culture being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments,” pastor of The Tsunami Church in Greensboro, North Carolina Ted Roberts said this morning as he defaced a statue of St. Junipero Serra.... Read More

Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

August 16, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

  Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new RAD-TRAD X9 is a nod toward its largest conversion van market segment: radical traditional Catholics. The 15-passenger van, guaranteed to take up two or more parking spots at parish events, arrives at dealerships next week. Intentionally built to pre-Vatican II safety standards, Ford’s engineers avoided certain modernist frills like seat-belts and air bags.  Nevertheless, reports... Read More

White Supremacist Catholic Really Hoping That Heaven Is Segregated

August 14, 2017 by  
Filed under Politics

  Cradle Catholic and longtime white supremacist Jacob Baton told those gathered at a local rally Monday that he was really hoping, though pretty darn sure, that heaven was segregated. The 43-year-old father of five said that the thought came to him as he was in line to receive communion yesterday. “I was thinking about how if logic prevails, as well as justice, races would have to be segregated in heaven. I mean, I’m not saying that I don’t... Read More

Swiss Guard To Modernize Uniforms To Hipster Jeans And Beanies

August 4, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  It was announced today that the Swiss Guard’s uniform will be changed to a more modern hipster look. Pontifical Swiss Guard Commandant Daniel Anrig told Guards gathered at the annual When Do We Get To See Some Action Jamboree that the traditional “uniform” worn by the Knights will be replaced so as to be more appealing to millennials. Instead of the well-known European Renaissance-style uniform, the average member of the Swiss... Read More

Sophisticated Lefeverist Smuggling Tunnel Found Under Vatican Walls

August 2, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

  The largest cross-boarder Lefeverist smuggling tunnel to date was discovered in a midnight raid earlier today by Swiss Guards.  The smugglers fled, abandoning contraband with a street value of over 3 million euros.   Smuggled goods found included pirated copies of “Teach Yourself Latin” software, DVD’s of “The Cardinal,” as well as thousands of copies of Familiaris Consortio and the Decrees of the Council of Trent.... Read More

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