ISIS Hosts Pizza Party With Italian Homosexuals; Admits They Are Pretty Fun Crowd

Ahead of a planned assault on Italy by the Islamic State, members of ISIS met with leaders in the Italian gay community for a one day summit/pizza party... Read More

Libs & Trads

NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers

NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers. Roughly Earth-sized, the planet called Kepler-196g orbits a star... Read More

SSPX Vehemently Protesting Canonization of St. Peter

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter I. The backlash was worse than expected by the Holy See, and the protesters... Read More

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2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported today that he was extremely disappointed with his son’s stubborn refusal... Read More

Report: Some 2nd Century Roman Christians Hated Latin Mass Because It Was Said In The Vernacular

ROME–A letter written by an anonymous early Roman Christian was unearthed at the base of the Palatine Hills earlier this week, revealing that many Christians living in Rome at the time hated the Latin Mass because it was being said... Read More

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Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by... Read More

Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches

The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners... Read More

Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed... Read More

th Lord b W u : )

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted... Read More

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Pope Francis Bows To Refrigerator, Houseplant

VATICAN CITY–As head of state at the Vatican, as well as leader... Read More

Flamboyant Lobby

“Pope Literally Meant A Flamboyantly Decorated Lobby,” Vatican Clarifies

VATICAN–Being interviewed via Skype hours ago, Spokesman for the... Read More

Marcial Maciel

What The Hell Kinda Name Is ‘Marcial Maciel,’ Anyway, New Study Asks

VATICAN–The Vatican is asking Catholics to participate in a global... Read More


Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United... Read More

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Parish Life

Peter Jackson Announces Plans for 72-Part Movie Series of The Silmarillion


Hollywood, CA–At a press conference today outside his estate in Beverly Hills,... Read More

Pope Attends Charismatic Prayer Service To Experience What Torture Feels Like

ROME –  Pope Francis led a pep rally yesterday in Rome’s Olympic Stadium in... Read More

Ancient Manuscript Reveals Adam Had Midlife Crisis At Age 452


JERUSALEM–A recently discovered piece of papyrus unearthed by a Tel Aviv University... Read More

Man In Search Of Answers Closes Eyes, Flips Through Bible, Says “Stop,” “Left Page,” “Right Column”


Bowling Green, KY––It was reported earlier this morning that 31-year-old Alvin... Read More

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