Solemn High Requiem Mass Held For The Spirit Of Vatican II

  CINCINNATI, OH- A Solemn High Requiem Mass was held Thursday at St. Martura Church in downtown Cincinnati for the Spirit of Vatican II, aged 52.... Read More

Mass

HazelDeltaTrinity

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

Orchestra

Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditional

Albuquerque, New Mexico––After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous... Read More

"Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily."

USCCB To Consider Implementing Challenge Flags And Instant Replays During Masses

“Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily.” Washington, D.C.–As bishops from across the country gather in Washington, D.C. this weekend for the annual USCCB Liturgical Conference, many within the Church are speculating... Read More

Grumpy

Area Parishioner Reporting He’s Not Gay; Ain’t Gonna Hold Another Man’s Hand During Our Father

Fort Worth, TX––77-year-old Richard Kantor of Fort Worth, Texas is reporting at this hour that he ain’t no gay, and therefore not gonna hold another man’s hand during the Our Father. “I ain’t gonna do it. Never... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican Pope

Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI declared the Year of Our Lord 2013 to be the “Year of Stuff,”... Read More

Vatican Press Office Officially Announces All Phone Lines in Vatican To Be Disconnected For Remainder Of Pontificate

VATICAN––The Vatican Press Office Director Father Federico Lombardi issued a statement to the media today concerning Pope Francis’ recent telephone... Read More

(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes)

Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?

(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According to the Vatican press office this week, tentative plans are being discussed with... Read More

AffleckBatman

Pope Francis Calls Zack Snyder To Complain About Choice Of Ben Affleck For Batman

Hollywood, CA––”Hello, it’s Pope Francis,” were the first words spoken during a conversation in which His Holiness telephoned Zack Snyder,... Read More

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Parish Life

Area Man Gives Himself Dispensation From Mass In Honor Of Solemnity Of NFL Week 1

Baton Rouge, LA–Baton Rouge Catholic Julian White announced early... Read More

Relic Of The True Apple Eaten By Adam And Eve Being Sold On Ebay For $15

The International Network—An item placed on Ebay last weekend has relic... Read More

bible

Spider Finds Unused Piece Of Real Estate On Catholic Bible To Build New Web

Somerset County, ME––Cherry Cavatica, daughter of famed animal rights... Read More

FOOTBALL

University Of Steubenville Quarterback Exclusively Throwing “Hail Marys”

Steubenville, OH––The University of Steubenville, best known for... Read More

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Political

Pope’s Address to Syrians in Lebanon: “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!”

Pope Benedict XVI speaks on the podium upon his arrival at Beirut's airport

Beirut, Lebanon––Speaking to tens of thousands of Middle Easterners in Lebanon... Read More

USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge Raising Little Money, Causing Terrible Injuries

You’ve seen all the USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge videos by now. Everyone... Read More

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the anti-abortion... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church in a referendum... Read More

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