People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More

Thousands Camp Outside Churches In Anticipation Of Black Friday Masses

Hundreds of church-goers stamped into Saint Theresa Parish on Black Friday, 2011, just moments before four are tragically trampled to death. As anticipated, thousands of church-goers have already camped out in front of churches all across the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

San Francisco Catholics Petition God To Remove Jesus From Trinity

In an unprecedented move, more than 100 prominent San Francisco based Roman Catholics signed a petition and ran a full-page ad Friday calling on God to remove Jesus... Read More

Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests

  Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with... Read More

Newspaper Fires Staff Writers Amid Allegations That They Had Opinions 

Image: Andrew Hermiz Two National Catholic Register staff writers have been fired and are now facing possible public flogging after they allegedly had opinions... Read More

SSPV Apologize After Drone Targeting Novus Ordo Mass Accidentally Dropped On Taliban

Hoboken, NJ––An SSPV drone strike has accidentally killed three and injured four other Taliban members living in the U.S. Saturday, a spokesman for the Society... Read More

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Politics

Kanye West Meets With Pope Francis To Discuss Liturgy

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit:... Read More

New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

  A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More

Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane... Read More

Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down

Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese... Read More

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Vatican

Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter

  Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s... Read More

New Annulment Prime Offers 50% Off; Free Shipping

The Vatican announced today that it’s making faster, easier annulments an option... Read More

Pope Francis Apologizes For Prank Video Message To Evangelicals

Pope Francis is apologizing this morning after it was revealed that a video of the... Read More

Vatican To Issue Martin Luther Tramp Stamps

According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos... Read More

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