People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation
Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More
Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear
Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More
Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs
It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More
Thousands Camp Outside Churches In Anticipation Of Black Friday Masses
Hundreds of church-goers stamped into Saint Theresa Parish on Black Friday, 2011, just moments before four are tragically trampled to death. As anticipated, thousands of church-goers have already camped out in front of churches all across the... Read More
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Libs & Trads
San Francisco Catholics Petition God To Remove Jesus From Trinity
In an unprecedented move, more than 100 prominent San Francisco based Roman Catholics signed a petition and ran a full-page ad Friday calling on God to remove Jesus... Read More
Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests
Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with... Read More
Newspaper Fires Staff Writers Amid Allegations That They Had Opinions
Image: Andrew Hermiz Two National Catholic Register staff writers have been fired and are now facing possible public flogging after they allegedly had opinions... Read More
SSPV Apologize After Drone Targeting Novus Ordo Mass Accidentally Dropped On Taliban
Hoboken, NJ––An SSPV drone strike has accidentally killed three and injured four other Taliban members living in the U.S. Saturday, a spokesman for the Society... Read More
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Politics
Kanye West Meets With Pope Francis To Discuss Liturgy
Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit:... Read More
New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
A new ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More
Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports
New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane... Read More
Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down
Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese... Read More
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Vatican
Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter
Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s... Read More
New Annulment Prime Offers 50% Off; Free Shipping
The Vatican announced today that it’s making faster, easier annulments an option... Read More
Pope Francis Apologizes For Prank Video Message To Evangelicals
Pope Francis is apologizing this morning after it was revealed that a video of the... Read More
Vatican To Issue Martin Luther Tramp Stamps
According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos... Read More