Cardinal Says Women’s Ordination Makes Sense Because Church Could Pay Women Less To Minister

  Cardinal Sean O’Malley told reporters earlier today that his recent interview with 60 Minutes was difficult because he did not have time to fully... Read More

Mass

The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

SSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIII

Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More

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Vatican

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective... Read More

Adoration

Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions from around the globe are reporting that they unfortunately are not going to be able to make... Read More

EWTN Acquires Holy See

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See. “EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See... Read More

Painting of the Sentients Rising in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada

Sistine Chapel Officials In Negotiations To Swap Paintings With Guardian Angel Cathedral In Las Vegas

Painting of The Rise of the Sentients in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada VATICAN CITY––An official at the Vatican Press Office today announced... Read More

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Politics

Thurible

New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in... Read More

American Atheists President David Silverman

Atheists Sue To Remove Letters “G”, “O”, And “D” From Alphabet

American Atheists President David Silverman Berkley, CA––The civil... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church... Read More

VATICAN Pope 33

Expert Analysis From Community College World Religions Teacher On CNN

Royal Oak, MI–Just minutes after black smoke rose above the Sistine... Read More

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Parish Life

Dissident Legionary Parts Hair In Middle

It is impossible that scandals should not come: but woe to him through whom they come.

Thornwood, NY–Speaking to an assembly of Legionary of Christ seminarians this... Read More

Man Spends All Mass Angry At Jesus–His Gardener

Jesus is good.

Cincinnati, OH––It was reported this week that 34-year-old parishioner of Holy... Read More

Unbelievably Wealthy Parishioner Has Some Great Fundraising Ideas

  Tampa Bay, FL–Edward Goodman, parishioner and parish council member... Read More

New Line Of Sleek, Sexy Ankle Length Jean Jumpers Stirs Up Controversy At 2014 Homeschool Fashion Show

Norfolk, VA—Renowned homeschool fashion designer Mary Elisabeth O’Conner kicked... Read More

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