San Francisco Catholics Petition God To Remove Jesus From Trinity

In an unprecedented move, more than 100 prominent San Francisco based Roman Catholics signed a petition and ran a full-page ad Friday calling on God to... Read More


The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More


Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More


One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected... Read More


Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

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Parish Life

Man On Catholic Match About Ready To Message-Bomb 130 Women

Friends of longtime Catholic Match subscriber Chuck-50012 told authorities today that he was in the development stages of a mega-message bomb that could potentially... Read More


17-Year-Old Homeschool Boy Solves Mystery Of Trinity While Mother Combs His Hair

Portland, OR––According to the Brandt family, moments ago, 17-year-old homeschooler Jake Brandt has solved the greatest mystery known to man. Brandt, who had... Read More

New Scott Hahn Drinking Game Has Readers Taking Shot After Every Mention Of Word “Covenant”

Steubenville, OH––A new, dangerous drinking game invented by Franciscan University of Steubenville sophomore Ben Johnson, known as Covenant, is sweeping Catholic... Read More

Priest Really Can’t Wait to Hear Your Whole Life Story in Confessional

Sources reported earlier today that Fr. David Bryant, Pastor at St. Josephat Catholic Church in Santa Barbara, is really looking forward to hearing your entire... Read More

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Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week

PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation... Read More

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed... Read More

A security guard outside the U.S. Embassy to the Vatican checks for dangerous religious medals.

Fear Of Elderly Vatican Priests, Nuns Violently Storming U.S. Embassy Reason For Relocation, U.S. State Department Confirms

A security guard outside the U.S. Embassy to the Vatican checks for dangerous... Read More

In memoriam: 
Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists

In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu... Read More

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Benedict Confirms Epic Kegger At Apostolic Palace During Francis Visit To U.S.

VATICAN– Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI confirmed Monday that he will make his... Read More

What The Hell Kinda Name Is ‘Marcial Maciel,’ Anyway, New Study Asks

Marcial Maciel

VATICAN–The Vatican is asking Catholics to participate in a global survey... Read More

Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican Pope

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope... Read More

Vatican Opens Retirement Community To Accommodate Expected Influx Of Retired Popes

Following comments made by Pope Francis last week stating that he felt his pontificate... Read More

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