Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences

Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday weekend, they are apparently not done yet. A new EOTT survey released... Read More

Mass

Pope’s New Crossguard Lightsaber Crosier Stirring Up Controversy With Liturgical Purists

VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass. Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors... Read More

CHURCH

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

JAPAN

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

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Parish Life

USCCB Announces Publication Of New Mad Libs Missal

In hopes of providing the nation’s Catholic priests a way to follow the Missal, while at the same time preserving the creative outlet some need to prevent boredom,... Read More

Pope Francis Awaiting Final Approval Of Internet Troll Before Promulgating Encyclical

  VATICAN–Vatican sources are confirming that Pope Francis has nearly completed his new Encyclical Letter, and is awaiting the final approval of Reginald... Read More

Matt

Matt Fradd Named Eye Of The Tiber’s Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive

Eye of the Tiber is happy to announce that Catholic apologist Matt Fradd has been named its 2013 Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive. His rugged good looks, dirty blond... Read More

LIKE US

Area Man Can Finally Hold Head High After “Liking” Jesus On Facebook

Madison, WI––While watching the NBA playoffs and ferociously pounding down an entire six-pack in lieu of Mass this afternoon, 32-year-old off-again, off-again... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Doctor William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist.

Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist

Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los... Read More

SSPX

SSPX Excommunicates Renegade Bishop For Installing Bishops Without Approval

Peoria, AZ – SSPX Arizona Bishop Gerald Leif confirmed Thursday that... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through... Read More

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC... Read More

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Politics

Tensions Escalate As North Korea Threatens To Deploy LCWR Nuns On West

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel is calling North Korea’s threat to use LCWR... Read More

Duck Dynasty Star Removed From Congregation For Bishops Just Days After Burke

Duck Dynasty

VATICAN–Just days after Pope Francis removed former La Crosse bishop Cardinal... Read More

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed to posthumously... Read More

Film Review: Will The New Noah Movie Radically Depart From The Hyper-Environmentalist Themes As Seen In The Biblical Narrative?

Hollywood, CA––With the upcoming Noah movie directed by Darren Aronofsky due... Read More

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