Hipster Priest Consecrates Fresh Batch Of Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Eucharist

Just in time for the start of Fall, local hipster priest Fr. Kale Adams announced this morning that he has consecrated his first batch of Pumpkin Spice... Read More

Mass

CHURCH

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

WOMAN

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More

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Vatican

Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Apocalypse At Heart of Evangelii Gaudium

VATICAN––In a recently published document released by the Vatican Tuesday, Pope Francis writes about the type of community he  wants Catholicism to become.... Read More

Bosnians Upset To Learn Madonna Concert In Medjugorje Performed By Imposter

  The Bosnian Times is reporting this morning that Medjugorje Mayor Alojzige Zovgo is denying reports that a recent Madonna concert was performed by an impostor. Many... Read More

Lumen Fidei

“In Short, Don’t Be Hypocritical Little SOB’s,” Francis Says In First Encyclical

Vatican City––Just days after Pope Francis issued his first encyclical, many theologians are calling his first document a profound meditation on the ancient... Read More

Pope Francis To Allow Contraception For Rabbits, Media Reporting

Just days after Pope Francis made statements supporting the Church’s ban on artificial means of birth control, media outlets from across the globe are... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC... Read More

PRIEST

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Cincinnati, OH––Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael... Read More

Bible roses

St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible

Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare... Read More

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Politics

Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon

A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop... Read More

31 NFL Head Coaches Face Possible Firings For Not Drafting Openly Gay Defensive End Michael Sam

New York, NY–According to reports coming from the National Football League... Read More

Mosul Muslims Delight Christian Neighbors with “One-Eyed Willy” Smiley Faces

Mosul, IRAQ––The Western Media is reporting a growing new trend in Iraq’s... Read More

Christian Groups Protest to “Keep the Christ in X-Men”

Photo: Gage Skidmore

Devout Christian Marvel Comic enthusiasts protest to keep Christ in X-Men      ... Read More

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