St. Joseph Of Cupertino Sick Of Bailing Out Students Who Did Not Study For Test

Speaking to fellow saints in Heaven today, Franciscan saint Joseph of Cupertino announced that he was “simply fed up” with bailing out lazy students... Read More

Libs & Trads

SSPX Acolyte Stumbles During Offertory; Mass Deemed Invalid

Tempe, AZ––12-year-old acolyte Jake Brody atoned for his sin Sunday for having negligently stumbled on his way to the altar earlier that morning. The Mass was immediately stopped when the presiding priest, Robert Dillard, deemed it no... Read More

Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone. The move comes just... Read More

Barefoot

Disobedient SSPV Woman Wearing Shoes In Kitchen

Fillmore, NY–Local member of the Society of St. Pius V Marisa Conti reported Tuesday that she planned to wear shoes in the kitchen despite a recent ruling by SSPV and her husband rejecting her request to wear shoes into the kitchen.... Read More

MARY

Statue In Cathedral Of Our Lady Of The Angels Wondering Why Everyone Keeps Laughing At It

Los Angeles, CA––The Virgin Mary statue at the entrance of Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles announced today that it was becoming evermore frustrated and frankly rather confused by the amount of mockery it has received... Read More

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Politics

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Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed... Read More

EIFEL

Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week

PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation of next week’s start of Fall Fashion Week. Legendary designer Christian Dior... Read More

Thurible

New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming. The ban, which... Read More

ADVENT

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone was offended earlier today when leaving his local Food-Mart, after the greeter wished... Read More

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Mass

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the... Read More

Image: John Snyder

Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew

Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of... Read More

"Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily."

USCCB To Consider Implementing Challenge Flags And Instant Replays During Masses

“Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily.” Washington,... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Not Sure How To Make Sense Of What He Just Said

VATICAN–Speaking to pilgrims during his weekly Wednesday audience yesterday,... Read More

Pope Francis Calls Zack Snyder To Complain About Choice Of Ben Affleck For Batman

AffleckBatman

Hollywood, CA––”Hello, it’s Pope Francis,” were the first... Read More

Cardinal Kasper Adds Three Sacraments

Vatican City––Citing the need for the Church to “update herself with modern... Read More

[News From The Future] Martians Protest During Third Vatican Council

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting.

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting. New Calcedonia,... Read More

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