Benedict Confirms Epic Kegger At Apostolic Palace During Francis Visit To U.S.

VATICAN– Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI confirmed Monday that he will make his first visit to the Apostolic Palace in September to host and attend a... Read More



One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected... Read More


There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”

Tuscan, AZ–Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church in Tuscan, Arizona Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed to reporters this afternoon that at one point during his first Clown Mass, he looked at his oversized checkered shoes and thought... Read More

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews.

Seating For Mass Turns Chaotic After Ushers Call In Sick

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews. Bowie, Maryland–Mass at St. Alphonsus Parish in Bowie, Maryland quickly turned chaotic earlier this morning after all eight ushers called in sick with the flu.... Read More

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search Of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

Daylight Savings News: Sedevacantist Family Moves Clocks Back Seven Centuries

After having set the family clock back seven centuries for daylight savings this past weekend, patriarch of a local sedevacantist family told EOTT this morning... Read More

Sede Vacante

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist... Read More

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Berkeley Sophomore Anxiously Considering Coming Out Of Closet To Reveal He’s Opposed To Gay Marriage

Berkley, CA–University of California, Berkeley student Emanuel... Read More


As Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem

TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas... Read More

Cardinals Distancing Themselves From Pope Ahead Of Next Papal Election

Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance... Read More


Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week

PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation... Read More

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Parish Life

New Poll Shows 86% Of Nominal Catholic Women Not Sure How To Outwhore Last Year’s Halloween Costume

Los Angeles, CA––As part of an effort to find out how some nominal Catholic... Read More

Replica Of Shroud Of Turin Replica On Display In Wilmington, Delaware


Wilmington, DE––A replica of the replica of the Shroud of Turin, the hand painted... Read More

Parishioner At The Back Of Long Confession Line Sure Is Optimistic


Brooklyn, NY–Walking to the back of a nauseatingly long confession line... Read More

Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Jesus of Nazareth

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family... Read More

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