Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down

Image: Goat_Girl

Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese of Chicago after the diocese voted yesterday to leave the United States Conference... Read More



Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More


“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More


Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews.

Seating For Mass Turns Chaotic After Ushers Call In Sick

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews. Bowie, Maryland–Mass at St. Alphonsus Parish in Bowie, Maryland quickly turned chaotic earlier this morning after all eight ushers called in sick with the flu.... Read More

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Image: WikiCommons

Cardinal Sarah Gives Permission For Priests To Have Their Feet Washed By 12 Women

Image: WikiCommons Priest are not obligated to wash the feet of women during the Mass on Holy Thursday, though they are permitted to have twelve women wash their... Read More


Francis To Visit Kansas To Commemorate 26th Anniversary Of Pope Michael Election To Papacy

The Vatican has announced that Pope Francis will visit Kansas in July to commemorate the 26th anniversary of Pope Michael’s election to the papacy, just months... Read More

Marcial Maciel

What The Hell Kinda Name Is ‘Marcial Maciel,’ Anyway, New Study Asks

VATICAN–The Vatican is asking Catholics to participate in a global survey that asks, “What the hell kinda name is Marcial Maciel, anyway?” The survey,... Read More

Painting of the Sentients Rising in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada

Sistine Chapel Officials In Negotiations To Swap Paintings With Guardian Angel Cathedral In Las Vegas

Painting of The Rise of the Sentients in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada VATICAN CITY––An official at the Vatican Press Office today announced... Read More

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Parish Life


Man In Search Of Answers Closes Eyes, Flips Through Bible, Says “Stop,” “Left Page,” “Right Column”

Bowling Green, KY––It was reported earlier this morning that 31-year-old... Read More

Most Doctrinally Sound Sermon Given On The Catholic Faith In Past Three Decades Unfortunately Given By Protestant Pastor

San Marcos, CA–What some are calling the most mesmerizing, breathtaking,... Read More


Swede Invents Thicker Confessional Walls; Wins Nobel Prize

Sweden––Alsog Dalgaard of Sweden has been awarded the Nobel Prize... Read More


St. Valentine Makes Impassioned Plea For Safe Return Of Kidnapped Feast Day

In a heart-wrenching moment on the Today Show earlier this morning, 3rd... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Breaking Bad

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking... Read More

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

Location of the upcoming LCWR Conference.

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old New Philadelphian... Read More

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