Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just... Read More

Politics

ADVENT

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone was offended earlier today when leaving his local Food-Mart, after the greeter wished him a “Merry Christmas.” “Who does that guy think he is, saying... Read More

Cardinals Distancing Themselves From Pope Ahead Of Next Papal Election

Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance themselves from the Pope, whose approval rating amongst traditional leaning Catholics is at an all-time low. As these Cardinals are beginning to focus on their possible... Read More

European Starling eggs.

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty... Read More

California Drought Forcing Churches To Ration Baptisms

In response to California’s four-year drought, California Governor Jerry Brown has ordered the country’s first-ever mandatory baptism restrictions. Brown’s executive order mandates that all churches in California cut back baptisms... Read More

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Libs & Trads

USCCB To Publish Compendium Of The Compendium Of The Catechism For College Students

Washington, DC––It was announced today that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops will be coming out with their highly anticipated Compendium of... Read More

St. Paul

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts... Read More

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes

WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former President Jimmy Carter talked about his letter to mathematicians. In it, Carter called on... Read More

TommyB

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More

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Parish Life

Woman Wearing Mantilla During Novus Ordo Clearly Batshit Crazy

Pointing out the batshit crazy woman wearing a mantilla during a Novus... Read More

2Popes

Francis Much Better Pope Than That Other Guy We Had, Area Nominal Catholic Reports

Des Moines, IA––Telling his son that “This new pope guy is much... Read More

Troll

Catholic Blog Reader Patiently Waiting Opportunity To Lambast Someone On Thread

Tifton, GA–Catholic troll Phillip Karabin, writing under the handle... Read More

LIKE US

Area Man Can Finally Hold Head High After “Liking” Jesus On Facebook

Madison, WI––While watching the NBA playoffs and ferociously pounding... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Says Forces Of Gravity And Electromagnetism Are Real

VATICAN––In a stunning break with centuries of Catholic teaching, Pope Francis... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank.

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent... Read More

Pope Francis Stumbles; Foreshadowing Of Unstable Papacy?

A sign of things to come?

A sign of things to come? VATICAN––Media outlets around the world were quick... Read More

Pope Shares Birthday Breakfast With Boy Band One Direction

PopeBreakswithOneDirection

VATICAN–Five members of the English-Irish pop boy band One Direction helped... Read More

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