Pope Francis Washes Feet Of Eight Men, One Woman, A Muslim, Ferret, And A Double Amputee

VATICAN–Pope Francis visited the Don Gnocchi Center in Rome today to wash the feet of 12 residents for the Holy Week ritual. According to the Catholic... Read More

Political

Marty Haugen Music To Be Outlawed Under New Geneva Convention Resolution

Geneva, Switzerland–New guidelines set down by the international community during the fifth Geneva Convention this week has extensively defined the basic, spiritual wartime rights of the Church Militant by outlawing all Marty Haugen music... Read More

CHS

Bombing Of St. Augustine High School Traced To Manicheans

Nashville, TN–Police officials reported that their investigation following last week’s tragic bombing of St. Augustine Academy for Boys has led them to three possible suspects, members of an underground Manichean ring of terrorists... Read More

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As Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem

TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas has retaliated with a rocket that killed three just north of the Gaza Strip, bringing the death toll up to 19. As the conflict in the fragile region continues to escalate,... Read More

NSA

Leaked Documents Reveal NSA Spied On Prayers Of Faithful

According to a new report out this week in the Italian magazine Panorama, the NSA may have spied on the prayers of millions of faithful during the last Papal Election. The report states that the agency, which is embroiled in a number of scandals,... Read More

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Libs & Trads

"Colligium Christendum bonum scholasticum est."
Roger McNerney

Christendom College Student Won’t Shut Up With The Latin Already

“Colligium Christendum in Virginium est. Christendum bonum scholasticum est.”Ben Tate Salem, OR––Friends of Christendom College freshman Ben Tate... Read More

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence... Read More

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston

Former LCWR President’s Dynamic Speech May Change Pope’s Mind On Female Ordination

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston ROME––Former President of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, Pat Ferrell, delivered an electrifying speech yesterday to... Read More

Catholics For Choice Asks Vatican To Allow Abortions In Cases of Rape, Incest, Impending Prom

The pro-choice organization Catholics for Choice today sent a request to the Vatican asking them to ease restrictions on abortion in cases of rape, incest, and impending... Read More

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Mass

Grumpy

Area Parishioner Reporting He’s Not Gay; Ain’t Gonna Hold Another Man’s Hand During Our Father

Fort Worth, TX––77-year-old Richard Kantor of Fort Worth, Texas is... Read More

Crusades

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Los Angeles, CA––Reporting that he and his family had been forced... Read More

Eucharistic_Minister_BN

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced... Read More

Mass Meme (1)

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Washington, DC––Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its... Read More

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Parish Life

Every Holyday Of Obligation On Liturgical Calendar Deferred To Easter

Liturgical Calender

Washington, DC–A spokesman for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops... Read More

German “Bling” Bishop Asks Jesus What He Should Do That He May Have Everlasting Life

Limburg, Germany–Pope Francis has reportedly removed German Bishop Franz-Peter... Read More

Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Jesus of Nazareth

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family... Read More

Self-Proclaimed Thomist Admits He Knows Nothing Of Thomas

399px-St-thomas-aquinas

Spokane, WA––It was reported this week that Gonzaga University grad and self-proclaimed Thomist... Read More

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