Friend’s Excuses For Not Making It To Mass Getting Pretty Elaborate

Pittsburgh, PA–– After having skipped Mass for 11 out of the past 13 Sundays, local Catholic Michael Fremont’s excuses for why he has skipped Mass... Read More

Mass

Magic

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Monday Morning Priest Would’ve Said Mass Completely Different

Denver, CO––After having attended Mass yesterday evening, Denver native and layman Jeffrey Baines went on his public access television show Clerical Primetime this morning to criticize his parish pastor Father Roger Manning of quitting... Read More

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and... Read More

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Political

Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea

Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at the Presidential office in Seoul, noting that the name “South Korea” was not distinct... Read More

Grandpa Joe

Family Atheist Disproves Existence Of Grandfather He’s Never Seen

Fort Lauderdale, FL–As debate continued over whether or not it was appropriate for members of the Hamilton residence to discuss the topic of Grandpa Joe in... Read More

Harvard Satanic Group To Desecrate Welch’s, Wonder Bread In Mockery Of Methodist Church Service

Boston, MA––A Harvard University student group plans to host a reenactment of a Satanic Praise and Worship Service on campus Friday night, and a former pastor... Read More

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the anti-abortion organization, Live Action, went undercover as a fetus at an area Planned Parenthood... Read More

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Libs & Trads

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes

WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through... Read More

Location of the upcoming LCWR Conference.

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old... Read More

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Vatican

Women In Love With Married Men Appeal To Pope To Make Fidelity Optional

  VATICAN–A group of 26 Italian mistresses who claim to be having affairs... Read More

EWTN Acquires Holy See

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired... Read More

Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican Pope

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope... Read More

Vatican Insiders Reveal Holy Father Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

Roman Curia

VATICAN CITY–Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate... Read More

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