Members Of Roman Curia Flood Michael Voris With Invitations To Visit Vatican

Image: WikiCommons

Image: WikiCommons Just days after Catholic internet personality Michael Voris revealed that he had been actively involved in homosexuality before his... Read More

Mass

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell is, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle to preach... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

Presentation of the Gifts

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Toronto, Canada––Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church in Toronto, Canada Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours early Sunday morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating... Read More

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Libs & Trads

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More

PRIEST

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Cincinnati, OH––Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Walter Allen... Read More

Sede Vacante

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

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Parish Life

EOTT2013(2)

Eye Of The Tiber 2013 Year In Review

This January, Canadian pastor Ben Gregor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church... Read More

Skinny Southern California Girl Who Fasted From Carbohydrates And Fatty Foods Not Ready To Give Up Her Lenten Fast

San Diego, CA–Despite having successfully fulfilled her Lenten fast... Read More

Liturgical Calender

Every Holyday Of Obligation On Liturgical Calendar Deferred To Easter

Washington, DC–A spokesman for the United States Conference of Catholic... Read More

Woman Criticizes Jesus For Giving Apostles Communion In The Hand

Trenton, NJ––Lorenza Matthews expressed disappointment last week when... Read More

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Politics

Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared

Credit: Wikicommons

Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations against... Read More

Pope’s Address to Syrians in Lebanon: “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!”

Pope Benedict XVI speaks on the podium upon his arrival at Beirut's airport

Beirut, Lebanon––Speaking to tens of thousands of Middle Easterners in Lebanon... Read More

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

Nancy Pelosi

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced House Democratic... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

Everyone just chill out!

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto... Read More

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