Jesus Assumes New Role As Savior Emeritus After Catholic Blogger Takes Over Task Of Saving Church From Francis

Catholic blogger Nicholas Robison, best known for his blog, More Catholic Than Jesus, announced today that he has officially assumed the role of Savior... Read More

Mass

WYD

One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected... Read More

CRIME

Man Found Dead After Botched Homily

A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

th Lord b W u : )

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga... Read More

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Vatican

Francis

Pope Francis Not Sure What To Make Of His Papacy Thus Far

VATICAN CITY––It was announced earlier this afternoon that His Holiness Pope Francis was at a complete and utter loss about what to make of his papacy thus... Read More

Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis has now reportedly eliminated the practice of granting seminarians the title... Read More

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective... Read More

Papa

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this evening after viewing images showing Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s... Read More

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Politics

Duck Dynasty Star Removed From Congregation For Bishops Just Days After Burke

Duck Dynasty

VATICAN–Just days after Pope Francis removed former La Crosse bishop Cardinal... Read More

Catholic Democrat Makes Holy Hour Before The Real Presence Of Obama

IAIAIAIAIAIA

Ardent Catholic Democrat Gordon Frey arrived at the Church of the Sacred Heart... Read More

St. Patrick’s Day Drunks And Gluttons Afraid Inclusion Of Gay Group At Parade Will Make Mockery Of Feast Day

New York, NY–The nation’s St. Patrick’s day drunks and gluttons expressed... Read More

Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School

Image: Patnac

Image: Patnac   Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that charges... Read More

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