People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Parishioner Believes She Might Have Just Understood A Word Visiting Nigerian Priest Said During Homily
Claiming that she was almost certain she had comprehend a word the new visiting Nigerian priest used during the homily, longtime parishioner Abby Longworth excitedly turned to friends and fellow parishioners today to inform them of the good... Read More
Creepy Clown Masses On The Rise
Image: Graeme Maclean Reports out of Cincinnati, Ohio today suggest sightings of Creepy Clown Masses are on the rise nationwide, and at levels not seen since the introduction of the 3rd typical edition of the Roman Missal five years ago. While... Read More
“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report
YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More
Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents
DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More
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Libs & Trads
“Sedevacantist Singles” Employees Not Sure Whether To Recognize Authority Of Company President
Seattle, WA–After being called in to a meeting by Sedevacantist Singles President Michael Hoffman early Thursday morning, employees of the ultra-traditionalist... Read More
SSPV Apologize After Drone Targeting Novus Ordo Mass Accidentally Dropped On Taliban
Hoboken, NJ––An SSPV drone strike has accidentally killed three and injured four other Taliban members living in the U.S. Saturday, a spokesman for the Society... Read More
Updated SSPX Catechesis Program To Now Include Fundamentals Of Catholic Trolling
Image: WikiCommons SSPX leadership is preparing to launch a new Catechism program in an effort to help better explain Church teaching and how to best completely... Read More
2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father
Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More
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Politics
Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School
Image: Patnac Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that... Read More
Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon
A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary... Read More
PETA Protesters Throw Paint On Francis For Wearing Lamb
PHOTO: OSSERVATORE ROMANO/REUTERS Gatecrashing St. Peter’s Square this... Read More
New Federal HHS Mandate To Force Protestant Business Owners To Pray To Mary Against Their Consciences
Washington, DC––Horizon Baptist College in Washington, DC has become... Read More
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Vatican
Use Of Cell Phones At Mass A “Very Ugly Thing,” Pope Tweets During Mass
Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the... Read More
Pope Warns Warmongers One Last Time Before Unleashing His Vengeance
Image: Andrew Hermiz After celebrating the Feast of All Souls Day last week,... Read More
Brawl Erupts At Synod
Image: Wolfgang Stuck A massive brawl broke out Thursday morning at the Synod during... Read More
Francis Decentralizes Church; Bishops Decentralize Dioceses
Just days after Pope Francis called for a “healthy decentralization”... Read More