Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle

March 20, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted yesterday.

The man arrived at the search zone near the janitors stock room after several parishioners noticed skid marks on the ground leading from the sanctuary to a closet located directly near the restroom. St. Jude spokesman Ben Marcos said the tabernacle seemed to have been moved to allow parishioners to speak openly during Mass without having the burden of remaining quiet due to the presence of the tabernacle.

“We noticed the skid marks leading to the closet near the restroom where we believe the hijacker[s] may have intended to keep it. But then we noticed more skid marks, indicating that the tabernacle was purposefully diverted and moved to the janitors stock room. We have not yet been able to enter the room.”

Marcos confirmed that the parishioners at the site had not seen the tabernacle, but that small particles of wreckage could be seen scattered along the route that the tabernacle may have been taken, indicating that the tabernacle was moved hastily and without care of its contents.

The parish council today said that they should know something definite on the possible discovery of the debris within “two or three hours” when the janitor arrives.

Why someone would move the tabernacle remains a mystery, though most parishioners are suggesting that their new pastor had seemingly indicated, just days leading to the tabernacle’s disappearance, that a move of the tabernacle would not only allow parishioners to speak after Mass like their “Protestant brethren,” but to also give a little quiet room for those who wanted pray after Mass without being distracted.

“I guess the bigger mystery is, why would the priest move God to accommodate chatty people, as opposed to moving  chatty people to accommodate God and those that want to adore Him?”