Spider Finds Unused Piece Of Real Estate On Catholic Bible To Build New Web
March 16, 2014 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Somerset County, ME––Cherry Cavatica, daughter of famed animal rights activist and spider Charlotte Cavatica, has found a pristine and unused piece of real estate on which to build her new home, the three month old spider is reporting this morning. Cavatica found the 9′ x 6′ inch plot of land just days after having had her home atop a PlayStation game consol unexpectedly dusted off by its land owner. “I had just finished construction... Read More
5 Memorable Moments From Francis’ First Year
The winds of change blow off Francis’ zucchetto Pope Francis tweeted “Please pray for me” on his first anniversary as pontiff. A second tweet followed shortly thereafter, reading, “For the young adults who know not how to pray, simply close your eyes and pretend your text messaging Jesus with you brain.” Jorge Mario Bergoglio, the archbishop of Buenos Aires, became the Church’s first pope in decades to make practicing... Read More
Jason Evert Gives Chastity Talk To Roman Curia
Members of the Roman Curia and their parents were treated with a chastity talk at the Vatican auditorium this week by well-known chastity speaker Jason Evert. The talk focused on key points from his new book, Theology of the Body for the Roman Curia, covering questions such as “At what stage in the life of someone in the Curia should parents talk to their son about chastity?” and “Tips for parents to help them raise the difficult topic of sex with... Read More
Pope Francis Gets Last F-Bomb Out Of System before Giving Up Cussing For Lent
VATICAN–His Holiness Pope Francis shocked the world today during a Papal Audience when he let one last F-Bomb fly before giving up cursing for Lent. “Those of us who are attached to the pleasures of this world, such as gambling, amassing wealth, or being addicted to having [expletive]…I mean, having fun…must make an effort this holy season of Lent to put aside the pleasures of the world and turn to our Messiah for healing and comfort,”... Read More
BREAKING: Priests Accused Of Selling Indulgences For Bit Coins
VATICAN––Sources are confirming this morning that 11 priests are being accused of selling indulgences for bitcoins. The news comes just days after Pope Francis removed Bishop Ronaldo Tetzel from his position at the Vatican Bank after he admitted to sanctioning the sale of indulgences for those who gave “bit-alms” to help pay for renovations at St. Peter’s Basilica. “We are currently investigating how large scale this operation... Read More