Priest On Cell Crawling Beneath Pews During Mass Trying To Catch Pokemon Creatures

July 12, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Local priest Father John Ross is being accused of delaying Mass for up to an hour Sunday morning after pausing during the middle of The Presentation of the Gifts to catch a Pikachu, several parishioners have reported.

Ross admitted to the diocesan officials that he was playing the newly released Pokemon Go app while saying the Mass.

“Fr. Ross has admitted to simultaneously saying Mass while trying to catch a Kipachu or Pikachu or whatever,” one official told EOTT early this morning. “It appears as though Fr. Ross located a Pikachu on top of a parishioner’s head, which he was able to retrieve during the Entrance. During the Penitential Act, Fr. Ross made his way down the main aisle and beneath several pews where he is said to have successfully hunted down a Charmander.”

Ross told EOTT that, although he was sorry for his actions, he wished people would understand that he can do two things at one.

“Listen, I’ve been saying Mass a long time. I can say it in my sleep. In my opinion, if I’m just sitting there during the first or second readings and happen to spot a Kadabra or a Dragonite, you better bet your bottom tithing dollar that I’m gonna try and catch it.”

Ross went on to say that his motto for playing Pokemon during Mass was “Catch them all, save them all.”

“There’s absolutely no reason I can’t save souls while catching and training Pokemon to battle for sport. I do admit that at one point after Mass I kinda sorta mixed it up and told a Pikachu that he ought to trust in God more then proceeded to accidentally capture an 80-year-old usher. That was my fault, I am sorry for that. In my defense, he kinda looks like a Groudon.”