Hillsong Apparently Some Sort Of Christian Band Or Church Or Something That Many Protestants Dislike For Some Reason

August 8, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life


Reporting that he was absolutely baffled as to who or what a “Hillsong” was, as well as the reason why so many Protestants hated it or him or whatever this Hillsong thing was, local Catholic George Matthews told EOTT this morning that he has, nevertheless, been able to deduce by reading multiple protestant blogs that the person or church or band in question was of the Devil…or God.

“I suppose that this Hillsong band or church or whatever the heck it is is very controversial in the Protestant community for some reason I still can’t wrap my head around,” Matthews said as he scoured the internet trying to find clues behind the mystery. “The more I research, the more images of a band I see. So I guess it’s like a band or something. But then people refer to Hillsong as a place they used to go to and really, really disliked…or enjoyed very much…but mostly disliked, it looks like. I don’t know. I suppose it could be both, right? Hillsong could be a church where a band plays at? But if that were the case, why wouldn’t the band just give itself its own name?”

Matthews went on to add that Hillsong couldn’t possibly be a church, but had to simply be a band because “it” travelled to different venues.

“Then again, maybe in the Protestant world, churches travelled to other cities or something and performed their services to different audiences, kinda like a Broadway show or Cirque de Soleil, I don’t know.”

At press time, Matthews believes that Hillsong might actually be the Protestant version of Marty Haugen if he was a priest and the name of the parish he served at was called The Church of St. Haugen.