Santa Reassigns “Rigid” Elf On The Shelf To Malta

December 21, 2016 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: An Errant Knight

Image: An Errant Knight

Santa Claus has reassigned a conservative “scout elf” from a key post in a home near Farmington Hills, Michigan to one that is mostly symbolic.

Ray, the Elf on the Shelf in question, has been a leading stickler for those being naughty or nice, and has been vocal in his criticism of the direction that Santa has been leading Christmas in.

Ray was one of the highest ranking scout elves in the North Pole hierarchy in his position on the Arctic Circle supreme court. But he was reassigned to the position of Chief Elf of the Order of Malta, the North Pole announced this morning. The Noel Times pointed out that Ray’s new post is a job that “has almost no spying responsibilities.”

Ray has been outspoken about his opposition to Claus’ move toward more openness and inclusiveness of disobedient children.

“Kringle is not free to change Christmas’ teachings with regard to the naughty behavior of children or any other doctrine of the Yuletide,” Ray recently told EOTT.

When a recent draft from Santa asked for scout elves to be more welcoming to children who were mean to their siblings and disrespectful to their parents, Ray said that the report “lacks a solid foundation in the sacred naughty or nice list.”