Thousands Expected To Ring In The Solemnity Of Mary Mother Of God In Times Square

December 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Final preparations are underway in New York City this morning as hundreds of volunteers work to transform Times Square into party central in anticipation for tonight’s count down to the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God. In the annual event celebrating the Blessed Virgin Mary’s divine motherhood to Jesus Christ, thousands are again expected to pack the streets of Times Square to watch the ball drop, ushering in another feast. “We’re... Read More

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

December 29, 2012 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics protested outside the USCCB headquarters in Washington, DC last night, demanding better catechesis so as to better understand what Church teachings they are going to continue to ignore. 24-year-old Tanya Wilkins who spearheaded the protest told reporters that she feels the need for better catechesis because she had for years “unconsciously ignored teachings such as contraception... Read More

Head Of Opus Dei Reaffirms Prelature Not A Cult

December 27, 2012 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

ROME––Bishop Javier Echevarria Rodriguez, head of the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei, countered what he called “unfair and ridiculous attacks” against Opus Dei on Immaculate Heart Radio this morning. “Because of documentaries, the mainstream media, as well as books like The DiVince Code,” he said, “far too many people have been seduced by the idea that we’re Catholic Freemasons; a secret society manipulating... Read More

Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”

December 26, 2012 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation guide in his hands. “He had it in his hands, but he wasn’t using it,” an unnamed parishioner who was sitting next to Perkins at Mass said, adding that Perkins’ baritone voice constantly... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

December 24, 2012 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing Catholics yesterday. “If we have to suffer and go, then you’re gonna suffer as we take your favorite weekly spot. You know which one…the one half way down the church on the outer aisle where... Read More

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