New Evidence Suggests Israelites Called Moses A Sheep for Wearing Face Covering

September 28, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Guest Writer: A.P. O’Connor Recent archaeological evidence suggests Moses was called a sheep by some Israelites for wearing a face covering. Archaeologists from the University of Notre Dame discovered ancient texts in a cave near Mount Sinai detailing how the Israelites reacted when seeing Moses cover his face with a veil. In Exodus 34: 29-35, Moses’ face became so radiant after being in the presence of the Lord that the Israelites... Read More

Church Adds New “Rite Of Gender Reveal” Ceremony

September 23, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

The USCCB issued a groundbreaking new rite Thursday morning that they are tentatively calling “The Rite of Gender Reveal.” A local couple currently awaiting the exciting revelation of their unborn’s gender said that it was a big step in spiritually legitimizing what has recently become an obnoxious and over-the-top event. “For a few years, people took videos of themselves popping balloons with blue or pink confetti falling out to reveal... Read More

Irritated Catholic Forced To Walk Over Sleeping Homeless Man While Praying At Abortion Clinic

September 23, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Just an hour into his rosary at a Planned Parenthood near his home, local Catholic Alex Dennison was forced to endure repeatedly stepping over a sleeping homeless man who had inconveniently decided to sleep in his “mission territory.” “Geez–so frustrating,” Dennison told others gathered in prayer with him. “How the freaking hell are we supposed to focus on praying for Jesus to end abortion if idiots like this... Read More

Pandemic-Stricken World Braces For Another Francis Encyclical

September 22, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Catholics from across the globe braced themselves Monday after sources inside the Vatican revealed that the Pope Francis was working on yet another encyclical. “Catholics should be preparing themselves,” one inside Vatican source told EOTT. “I cannot emphasize enough just how well prepared we need to be. With the sustained isolation many of us are going through because of Covid, I fear that some may have time to read the encyclical.” Desperate... Read More

Study: Nearly 20% Of Altar Girls Aspire To The Priesthood

September 21, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Guest Author: Kevin Kukla (ProLife365.com) Sources from inside the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops revealed exciting news this morning after an internal study revealed that nearly 20% of altar girls in the U.S. aspire to the priesthood. One insider called the survey an “exciting discovery,” saying that the bishops now have tangible proof that their project to boost vocational numbers is proving successful. “With this current... Read More

Next Page »