People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditionalist

After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

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Libs & Trads

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More

New Cirque Du Soleil Show Just A Novus Ordo Mass

Staring in awe as she stared out onto the stage, Las Vegas visitor Allison Garrity was moved to tears Saturday evening after seeing whimsical, beautiful, yet... Read More

As 2000th Anniversary of Pentecost Approaches, God Still Refuses to Clarify Ambiguous Passages of Scripture

Advocates of family values and traditional marriage spoke out today, demanding again that Jesus Christ clarify his words, “If any one comes to me and does... Read More

Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle

Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted... Read More

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Politics

Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea

Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at... Read More

Cohen Accuses Trump Of Not Being The Chivalrous Gentleman and Scholar Entire Nation Thinks He Is

Image: Gage Skidmore In devastating testimony on Capitol Hill earlier... Read More

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma... Read More

Cardinal Dolan Bans Chaldean Rite Catholics From Entering Diocese For 90 Days

Cardinal Timothy Dolan’s move to ban thousands of Chaldean Rite... Read More

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Vatican

Pope To Commission Study To Find More Ways He Can Confuse People

Pope Francis said today that he would set up a commission to study whether or not... Read More

“Well, That Was A Complete Bust,” Francis Tells Crowd Moments Before Cancelling Remainder Of Year Of Mercy

Image: Wikicommons During his general audience this week in Saint Peter’s Square,... Read More

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically... Read More

[BREAKING] Benedict To Remain Pope, Area Catholic Dreaming

You know you wanna come back...please come back!

Albany, NY––Just days after he shocked the world by announcing his decision... Read More

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