Vatican Announces New Three-Strikes Excommunication Policy

  The Vatican has announced today that beginning next year, a new three-strikes excommunication policy will take effect. The new three-strike policy... Read More

Mass

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe

A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend... Read More

Dissident Theologian Hans Kung Petitions Pope To Reconsider Dogma Of Christ Resurrection

Image: Wikipedia Commons Famous Swiss theologian Hans Küng has reportedly sent a letter to Pope Francis, asking him to reconsider the Church’s stance on the Resurrection... Read More

Joel Osteen Vigorously Attempting To Shove Camel Through Eye Of Needle

Image: RobertMWorsham   [News Brief]   Just days after refusing to offer shelter at his megachurch to victims of Hurricane Harvey, popular pastor Joel... Read More

SSPX Vehemently Protesting Canonization of St. Peter

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter... Read More

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Parish Life

New Poll Shows 86% Of Nominal Catholic Women Not Sure How To Outwhore Last Year’s Halloween Costume

Los Angeles, CA––As part of an effort to find out how some nominal... Read More

TAC Alumnus Actually Seems Pretty Normal So Far, New Acquaintances Agree

  Local Thomas Aquinas College alumnus Marcus Donavon actually came... Read More

Catholic Answers Runs Out Of Questions; To Close Its Doors In May

San Diego, CA–It was officially announced today that after 25 years,... Read More

“Life On The Rock” Inexplicably Picked Up For Yet Another Season

Birmingham, AL––The EWTN program Life On The Rock was inexplicably... Read More

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Politics

Kanye West Meets With Pope Francis To Discuss Liturgy

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit: rodrigoferrari   Kanye... Read More

WikiLeaks Emails Reveal Clinton Campaign Responsible For Founding Of Jesuits

Image:Gage Skidmore A new series of emails released yesterday by WikiLeaks connected... Read More

Congregation For Divine Worship Rules Against FSSP Novus Ordo Ban

Image: Staselnik A Congregation for Divine Worship panel has unanimously ruled against... Read More

President Obama Meets Pope Francis; Explains The Benefits Of Using Teleprompter

VATICAN–The focus of the conversation when President Barack Obama met with... Read More

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