People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More


Area Parishioner Reporting He’s Not Gay; Ain’t Gonna Hold Another Man’s Hand During Our Father

Fort Worth, TX––77-year-old Richard Kantor of Fort Worth, Texas is reporting at this hour that he ain’t no gay, and therefore not gonna hold another man’s hand during the Our Father. “I ain’t gonna do it. Never... Read More

Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest

Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search Of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

World’s Foremost Liturginazi Dies

The world’s foremost liturginazi died peacefully this past week at his home in Kansas City. Originally from Cody, Wyoming, Gerard Schmitz moved to Kansas... Read More

Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

  Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new RAD-TRAD X9 is a nod toward its largest conversion van market segment: radical traditional... Read More

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Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate

Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans... Read More

Satanists Sue Fr. Frank Pavone For Copyright Infringement

Officials at the Satanic organization Blaspheme Inc. announced today that... Read More

As Syrian Conflict Intensifies, New Jersey Man Urges God To End Jets Quarterback Controversy

East Rutherford, New Jersey––As U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry... Read More

First Lady Melania Trump Swats Away President’s Hand During Our Father

Image_Dodo   For the second time in just a few days, first lady Melania... Read More

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Vatican’s Hit Television Show “World’s Next Top Cardinal” Renewed

Image: Carolus The most successful elevation reality TV series in Catholic television... Read More

Pope Warns Warmongers One Last Time Before Unleashing His Vengeance

Image: Andrew Hermiz   After celebrating the Feast of All Souls Day last week,... Read More

Pope Emeritus Benedict Glances At Cover Of Time Magazine Again, Discreetly Wipes Tear From Eye

VATICAN–Sources close to the Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI reported that the... Read More

Archbishop Gerhard Müller To LCWR Nuns: “Shhh!”

VATICAN––Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith Archbishop... Read More

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