“Before Washington Was, I AM,” Trump Tells Reporters

Image: Gage Skidmore Speaking to a small crowd gathered outside the recently relocated American Embassy in Jerusalem, President Trump claimed himself... Read More

Mass

Tostitos Fiesta Pentecost Mass One Of Many New Church Sponsorships

Alameda, CA–Following a string of church closures around the country, St. Stephen Parish in Alameda, California has announced plans to have their upcoming Pentecost Mass sponsored by Tostitos. The move comes just months after Los Angeles... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest. The well-known Catholic... Read More

Female Parishioners Upset That Men Not Also Being Asked To “Set The Altar” Before Mass

Baker, OR–Female Parishioners at St. John Bosco Parish in Baker, Oregon have sent a letter to Bishop Liam Cary accusing their pastor Fr. Maurice Alvarez as well as Deacon Bob Ley of sexism and chauvinism. The one-page complaint letter... Read More

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Fr. Walter Allen arrived dressed... Read More

Middle-Aged White Woman Gyrating Near Altar Just Like They Do In Kenya

Image: auntjojo 52-year-old liturgical dancing sensation Grace Weaver confirmed this morning that she planned on gyrating like all hell during Mass “just like... Read More

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence... Read More

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011,... Read More

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Politics

Illuminati Gives Pope Francis Two-Year Extension

In a private meeting with cloaked members of the Illuminati this morning,... Read More

Pope Hosts Interfaith Peace Gathering Between Vatican And Priestly Fraternity Of St. Peter In Assisi

Image: RyansWorld In what Pope Francis called “the first ever interfaith... Read More

Michael Voris Hair, Trump Hair Get Together For Drinks

Just days after Super Tuesday, Donald Trump’s hair reportedly called... Read More

San Francisco Parishioner Sits During Consecration In Protest Of Church’s Treatment Of Women 

San Francisco parishioner Colin Paekernick has been embroiled in fierce... Read More

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Vatican

Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine,... Read More

“Pope Literally Meant A Flamboyantly Decorated Lobby,” Vatican Clarifies

VATICAN–Being interviewed via Skype hours ago, Spokesman for the Vatican Press... Read More

Swiss Guard Wondering Where The Hell All The Action Is

Image:gnuckx   New member of the Swiss Guard Leon Habsburg has reportedly made... Read More

Francis After First Day At Sex Abuse Summit: “We Figured It All Out. Thanks For Your Concern, But You Can Leave Us Alone Now”

Hours after the first day of the Vatican Sex Abuse Summit concluded yesterday,... Read More

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