People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents
DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More
Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain
St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I... Read More
“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More
Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler
West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More
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Libs & Trads
New Evidence Reveals The Mass Was Founded In 1965
Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering undeniable evidence of his theory that the Mass was founded in 1965, as... Read More
Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests
Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with... Read More
Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion
San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend... Read More
Lapsed Catholic Confirms She Is Still Spiritual
27-year-old Sara Matson confirmed to friends yesterday that she was indeed still very spiritual despite no longer attending Mass. Matson, a World Religions teacher... Read More
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Politics
Film Review: Will The New Noah Movie Radically Depart From The Hyper-Environmentalist Themes As Seen In The Biblical Narrative?
Hollywood, CA––With the upcoming Noah movie directed by Darren Aronofsky... Read More
Iraqi Christian Who Risks Life To Attend Mass Not Super Concerned About Bad Church Music Right Now
Tel Keppe, Iraq–As Iraqi Christian Raghda Ablahad... Read More
Perfect Meme Reverses Roe v. Wade
In a desperate effort to outdo a pro-life meme that was so great and... Read More
Trump Says That He Will Make Aliens Pay For New Space Force
President Donald Trump accused Martians of doing nothing to stop... Read More
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Vatican
“Pope Literally Meant A Flamboyantly Decorated Lobby,” Vatican Clarifies
VATICAN–Being interviewed via Skype hours ago, Spokesman for the Vatican Press... Read More
Francis Waives “Five-Century Rule” For Inquiry Into Possible Canonization Of Martin Luther
In a press conference aboard the papal plane this morning, Pope Francis confirmed... Read More
Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians
VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis... Read More
Marie Kondo Helps Tidy Up Vatican; Gets Rid Of All But Five Bishops
Telling reporters that he brought in famed organizing consultant Marie Kondo... Read More