People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew

Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of relief during Mass this morning after parishioner Veronica Hough validated the consecration by mumbling the words of institution along with the priest. Many parishioners... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

Man Found Dead After Botched Homily

A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More

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Libs & Trads

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist... Read More

Traditionalists Sanction Protestant Communities Over Vatican II Liturgical Hacks

In a drastic move to secure traditionalist Catholics from liturgical hackers, the Burke administration on Thursday slapped a number of Protestant communities and... Read More

Sophisticated Lefeverist Smuggling Tunnel Found Under Vatican Walls

  The largest cross-boarder Lefeverist smuggling tunnel to date was discovered in a midnight raid earlier today by Swiss Guards.  The smugglers fled, abandoning... Read More

Dissident Theologian Hans Kung Petitions Pope To Reconsider Dogma Of Christ Resurrection

Image: Wikipedia Commons Famous Swiss theologian Hans Küng has reportedly sent a letter to Pope Francis, asking him to reconsider the Church’s stance on the Resurrection... Read More

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Politics

Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of... Read More

U.S. Bishops Meet In Baltimore To Discuss Churches Providing Safe Spaces From Hostile Catholic Teachings

Image: nfutvol The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops met in Baltimore... Read More

Trump Says That He Will Make Aliens Pay For New Space Force

  President Donald Trump accused Martians of doing nothing to stop... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Declares Death Unacceptable In All Cases

Pope Francis decreed yesterday that death is “inadmissible” under all... Read More

Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself... Read More

Leaked Documents Reveal Vatican Officials Blew Entire Peter’s Pence On Beanie Babies

Image: WolfgangStuck   The Vatican’s leaks scandal intensified Tuesday after... Read More

Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis... Read More

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