People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Area Parishioner Reporting He’s Not Gay; Ain’t Gonna Hold Another Man’s Hand During Our Father

Fort Worth, TX––77-year-old Richard Kantor of Fort Worth, Texas is reporting at this hour that he ain’t no gay, and therefore not gonna hold another man’s hand during the Our Father. “I ain’t gonna do it. Never... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Vacationing Catholic Family Excited To See What Liturgical Abuses Practiced In Visiting Parish

  Returning to his hometown with his family for the first time in over five years, Catholic family man Alex Trumble voiced his desire Saturday afternoon to... Read More

Pope Encourages Women To Reveal Breasts In Sistine Chapel, Feminist Newspaper Reports

VATICAN––“He is 77, celibate, and the Vicar of Christ; a role which, up until his papacy, was known for its prudishness,” Evi Quinn, journalist for the... Read More

Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend... Read More

Breaking: The Remnant Newspaper, National Catholic Reporter To Merge

Image: Andrew Hermiz The Remnant Newspaper and The National Catholic Reporter announced yesterday that they have entered into a merger agreement to create a new... Read More

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Politics

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists

In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu... Read More

Marty Haugen Music To Be Outlawed Under New Geneva Convention Resolution

Geneva, Switzerland–New guidelines set down by the international... Read More

Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane... Read More

Pope’s Address to Syrians in Lebanon: “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!”

Beirut, Lebanon––Speaking to tens of thousands of Middle Easterners... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Sneaks Out Of Vatican At Night In Disguise To Help Poor, Fight Crime

  VATICAN–A recent interview with the Papal Alomner Archbishop Konrad... Read More

Pope Francis Says Women Can Have Abortions During Year Of Mercy, MSNBC Reports

Photo Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau Pope Francis announced Tuesday that he will... Read More

Second Synod To Focus On Learning Fundamentals Of Catholic Doctrine

VATICAN–It was announced today that a second synod, tentatively scheduled... Read More

Use Of Cell Phones At Mass A “Very Ugly Thing,” Pope Tweets During Mass

  Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the... Read More

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