People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass

Catholic School Children Offended By Dumbed Down Homily
El Centro, CA–Students at St. Therese of Carmel Acadamy walked out of Mass confounded earlier this morning after parish priest Fr. Ted Cordova delivered an over simplified homily about the Lord’s command to forgive “not... Read More

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers
Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More

Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire
Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though... Read More

The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins
The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Catholics For Choice Asks Vatican To Allow Abortions In Cases of Rape, Incest, Impending Prom
The pro-choice organization Catholics for Choice today sent a request to the Vatican asking them to ease restrictions on abortion in cases of rape, incest, and impending... Read More

Middle-Aged White Woman Gyrating Near Altar Just Like They Do In Kenya
Image: auntjojo 52-year-old liturgical dancing sensation Grace Weaver confirmed this morning that she planned on gyrating like all hell during Mass “just like... Read More

Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle
Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted... Read More

Mystery Priest At Car Accident Revealed, Heralded As Courageous Man Who Wore Clerics In Public
The “Missouri Miracle” mystery priest who ministered to Katie Lentz following a head-on crash with another vehicle came forward yesterday morning and... Read More
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Politics

Thousands Sign Petition Calling For Immediate Canonization Of Harambe
Animal rights activists have created an online petition asking the Congregation... Read More

Cardinal Dolan, Pope Francis Can’t Seem To Find A Case For Excommunicating Andrew Cuomo
Image: Pat Arnow Conceding that, though the Catholic Church would... Read More

Vatican Opens Cause Of Canonization For Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg After Mistakenly Believing Her Dead And Incorrupt
Much to its embarrassment, it was discovered this week that the Congregation... Read More

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists
In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu... Read More
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Vatican
Pope: “Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone Is Also Badly Translated”

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau Pope Francis has called for the renaming... Read More
Pope, Bishops Decide It’s Finally Time To Do Something About Sexual Abuse Crisis After YouTube Goes Offline

Pope Francis and bishops from around the globe unanimously decided to actually... Read More
Ringling Bros. Circus And Its Subsidiary The Vatican To Shut Down In May

Image:AlejandroLinaresGarcia After more than 140 years, the curtain is... Read More
Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter

Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s... Read More