Vatican Approves Construction of World’s Largest Bus To Throw Chinese Catholics Under

October 10, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  The Vatican said this past weekend that it had reached an agreement with China on the process of constructing the “largest, most biggest ever” bus to throw Chinese Catholics under. The deal paves the way for bishops and laity who have been faithful to the Rome to be “royally screwed for their loyalty,” while rewarding bishops created without papal approval. “For Pope Francis, the construction of the mega bus has been one of his most ambitious... Read More

Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

September 14, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the world for a February summit to discuss how to better look like they are doing something about preventing clergy sex abuse. The summit of the presidents signals a realization that the laity do not believe that those in the highest levels of the Church are doing anything to combat clergy sex abuse. “We are faced with a grave situation in the Church today,” Pope Francis... Read More

Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter

August 30, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s Square this morning after witnesses say that the superheroes  had had a public falling out over the recent letter from Archbishop Viganó . “This is brother against brother” said the Captain, who is in full support of Pope Francis told EOTT this afternoon as he dodged a volley of beams. “Vigano’s allegations should not be given the time of day. Innocent until... Read More

Blase Cupich Denies Allegations He Is Sane

August 29, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image: Goat_Girl   Cardinal Blase Cupich responded to an anonymous letter earlier today accusing him of being sane. “To say that I am sane is insane,” the American cardinal said. “Yes, I admit it. What sane person would say that protecting the environment is a more important issue than the allegations levelled at the Pope? Seriously, what else would I have had to say to convince you that I’m a complete crackpot? Would I have needed to say that... Read More

Francis Practicing Emeritus Signature

August 27, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  Mere days after former Vatican ambassador to the US, Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò, alleged that the Pope was aware of sexual misconduct allegations against Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, Francis is said to have been spending a large part of his day quietly trying out different new emeritus signatures in preparations for his upcoming retirement. “I hear you get a gold-plated watch,” Pope Francis whispered into the ear of one reporter in an attempt... Read More

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