Jesus Assumes New Role As Savior Emeritus After Catholic Blogger Takes Over Task Of Saving Church From Francis

Catholic blogger Nicholas Robison, best known for his blog, More Catholic Than Jesus, announced today that he has officially assumed the role of Savior... Read More

Mass

JAPAN

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of... Read More

CHURCH

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

consecration

Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest

Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More

CRIME

Man Found Dead After Botched Homily

A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More

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Vatican

Benedict XVI: “The Entire Vial Of Blood, Including Reliquary, Would’ve Liquefied If I Was Holding It”

Just days after St. Gennaro’s blood liquefied after Pope Francis kissed the relic in Naples, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI told EOTT that he would be able to”... Read More

Francis Decentralizes Church; Bishops Decentralize Dioceses

Just days after Pope Francis called for a “healthy decentralization” of power in the Catholic Church, Bishops at the Synod have now announced that they... Read More

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting.

[News From The Future] Martians Protest During Third Vatican Council

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting. New Calcedonia, Mars––Thousands of New Calcedonian martians from the northern quadrant of sector... Read More

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI Asks To Be Reinstated As Pope

VATICAN–According to reports today, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI is seeking the chair of his pontificate months after his resignation. The news has sent shock... Read More

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Parish Life

envelope

Bitter Old Man Writes Angry Letter To Vatican Using All Caps

Boonville, NC–Writing under the pen name “Nerocious,”... Read More

Pastor Encourages Parishoners To Use New Click-To-Confess Feature On Church Website

Raleigh, North Carolina––After revealing new updates to the parish... Read More

POST

17-Year-Old Homeschool Boy Solves Mystery Of Trinity While Mother Combs His Hair

Portland, OR––According to the Brandt family, moments ago, 17-year-old... Read More

bible

Spider Finds Unused Piece Of Real Estate On Catholic Bible To Build New Web

Somerset County, ME––Cherry Cavatica, daughter of famed animal rights... Read More

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Politics

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed to posthumously... Read More

USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge Raising Little Money, Causing Terrible Injuries

You’ve seen all the USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge videos by now. Everyone... Read More

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma City... Read More

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists

In memoriam: 
Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit

In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu Falls,... Read More

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