New National Catholic Reporter Study Shows 99% More Catholics Attend Holy Day Of Obligation When Called Holy Day Of Opportunity

  A new study out today by the National Catholic Reporter Institute says that 99% of Catholics are more likely to attend Mass on a Holy Day of Obligation... Read More


Monday Morning Priest Would’ve Said Mass Completely Different

Denver, CO––After having attended Mass yesterday evening, Denver native and layman Jeffrey Baines went on his public access television show Clerical Primetime this morning to criticize his parish pastor Father Roger Manning of quitting... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

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Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?

(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According to the Vatican press office this week, tentative plans are being discussed with... Read More

Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis has now reportedly eliminated the practice of granting seminarians the title... Read More

Pope Francis Stumbles; Foreshadowing Of Unstable Papacy?

A sign of things to come? VATICAN––Media outlets around the world were quick to speculate about the future of the two day old papacy of Pope Francis earlier... Read More

Pope: “Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone Is Also Badly Translated”

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau   Pope Francis has called for the renaming of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, saying current translations that changed... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag

“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.” VATICAN... Read More

Mars Curiosity Rover Successfully Reaches Jesuit Seminary

Berkeley, CA––NASA announced Tuesday that its 2.5 billion dollar... Read More

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s... Read More

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today... Read More

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Trump Announces He Has Possession Of Fourth Secret Of Fatima; Claims The Other Secrets Were Fake News

Fátima_José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro   White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer... Read More

Film Review: Will The New Noah Movie Radically Depart From The Hyper-Environmentalist Themes As Seen In The Biblical Narrative?

Hollywood, CA––With the upcoming Noah movie directed by Darren Aronofsky due... Read More

Peace Breaks Out In Israel Moments After Magic Olive Tree Planted

VATICAN–Just moments after Israeli President Shimon Peres and his Palestinian... Read More

San Francisco Parishioner Sits During Consecration In Protest Of Church’s Treatment Of Women 

San Francisco parishioner Colin Paekernick has been embroiled in fierce controversy... Read More

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