Pope Michael Not Sure What To Do With $1.6 Billion Dollar Check From Government
Pope Michael has been granted $1.6 billion dollars in federal coronavirus aid, and the co-called “true” Vicar of Christ has no clue what... Read More
Mass
Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation
Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More
ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses
Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More
“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key
Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More
“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Müller To Build Vatican II Theme Park
VATICAN–Speaking to the press Wednesday afternoon, Prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller announced plans... Read More
New Study Shows Larger Number Of Faithful Catholics Living In Mosul Than In California
According to a new report out today by the Vatican, there are currently more Catholics who adhere to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church currently residing in... Read More
Grief Counselors Dispatched To San Diego After New Progressive Bishop Named
A mobile team of professional grief counselors and psychologists from Lockword & Sandersen Mental Health, Inc., a clinic based in Raleigh, North Carolina, has... Read More
Woman Shocked To Learn Her Daughter Eloping In Vegas After Doing Nothing to Catechize Her
Image: Antoine Tavenaeux Local Catholic Marissa Vaughan was saddened to learn this afternoon that her daughter had decided to elope in Las Vegas after years of... Read More
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Politics
Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group
Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma... Read More
Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors
VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More
Supreme Court Demands Apology From God For Sodom And Gomorrah
Just hours after ruling that all Americans, no matter their sexual orientation,... Read More
Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week
PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation... Read More
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Vatican
New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way
VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope,... Read More
Francis Condemns Magnum Principium, Begins Saying Latin Mass After Hitting Head During Popemobile Accident
Image:Zebra48bo Days after the Pontiff sustained injuries after hitting his... Read More
Pope Francis Declares Death Unacceptable In All Cases
Pope Francis decreed yesterday that death is “inadmissible” under all... Read More
Vatican Announces New Three-Strikes Excommunication Policy
The Vatican has announced today that beginning next year, a new three-strikes... Read More