New Protestant “Achilles’ Heel Free Bible” Omits Matthew 16:18, Book of James

Protestant book publisher Branch Of A Branch Publishing announced today the publication of their new Achilles’ Heel Free Bible, which is said to... Read More



“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

"Why do I have to say it? You know I appreciate you."

Female Parishioners Upset That Men Not Also Being Asked To “Set The Altar” Before Mass

Baker, OR–Female Parishioners at St. John Bosco Parish in Baker, Oregon have sent a letter to Bishop Liam Cary accusing their pastor Fr. Maurice Alvarez as well as Deacon Bob Ley of sexism and chauvinism. The one-page complaint letter... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Second Year Of Mercy To Allow An Individual’s Conscience To Absolve One’s Own Sins

The Vatican announced today that they will be opening a second Year of Mercy. The initiative is intended to address the crisis in the sacrament of confession and... Read More

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More

SSPX Vehemently Protesting Canonization of St. Peter

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter... Read More

St. Paul

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts... Read More

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Unambitious Protester Scales St. Peter’s United Methodist Church

Ocean City, NJ––A New Jersey man has eluded staff and scaled the 30-foot... Read More

Missing Burke Found Alive After Getting Lost Inside Cappa Magna For Five Days

A desperate search for Cardinal Raymond Burke who went missing for two... Read More

Pope Francis Seen Walking Around The Vatican Carrying Bloody, Barbed Wire Baseball Bat

Rumors out of Rome began swirling yesterday after Pope Francis was... Read More

Jason Evert Gives Chastity Talk To Roman Curia

Members of the Roman Curia and their parents were treated with a chastity... Read More

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[Breaking] Biden Steps Down As VP Hours After Becoming Pro-Life

Former Vice President Joe Biden attending Pope Francis' Installation Mass.

Former Vice President Joe Biden attending Pope Francis’ Installation Mass. Washington,... Read More

Family Atheist Disproves Existence Of Grandfather He’s Never Seen

Grandpa Joe

Fort Lauderdale, FL–As debate continued over whether or not it was appropriate for... Read More

Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk

Image: Wiki Commons

Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone was accidentally... Read More

Head Of Opus Dei Reaffirms Prelature Not A Cult


ROME––Bishop Javier Echevarria Rodriguez, head of the Prelature of the Holy... Read More

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