Report: Apostles Probably Smelled Pretty Nasty

According to a report by historians at the University of Dallas Tuesday, all twelve of the apostles most likely smelled “pretty darn nasty.” The... Read More

Mass

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe

A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”

Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed this afternoon that at one point during his first ever Clown Mass, he looked down at his oversized checkered shoes as he was praying and thought to himself, “Edmond,... Read More

Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”

photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation... Read More

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Politics

Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

  Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared their story of having a 5-year-old transgender daughter who became a boy, but will not... Read More

Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared

Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations against the Galactic Empire stemming from a series of undercover videos instead indicted... Read More

New Archbishop of Canterbury Makes Compelling Case For Gay Marriage

ENGLAND–The Most Reverend Justin Welby was formally enthroned earlier today as the Anglican Church’s 105th Archbishop of Canterbury. The ceremony took... Read More

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Clown At Circus Mass Reprimanded For Honking Sanctus Horn At Wrong Part Of Consecration

Sources say that just minutes after a Circus Mass at St. Pius X Catholic... Read More

New Orlando Parish To Be Named “Our Lady Of Good Intentions”

Orlando, FL––After months of debate, officials have confirmed that... Read More

Pope Michael I Announces Location Of Upcoming World Youth Day

Pope Michael I interviewed by reporters after the World Youth Day announcement Belvue,... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis To Raffle Off Papacy To Aid Poor

As spiritual leader of over 1.2 billion Catholics, Pope Francis has received hundreds... Read More

5 Memorable Moments From Francis’ First Year

  The winds of change blow off Francis’ zucchetto Pope Francis tweeted... Read More

“Minotaurs And Krakens Is Where I Draw The line,” Pope Francis Says. “I Would Not Convert Them”

VATICAN–Pope Francis said in his morning Mass on Monday that if Martians came... Read More

“Pope Literally Meant A Flamboyantly Decorated Lobby,” Vatican Clarifies

VATICAN–Being interviewed via Skype hours ago, Spokesman for the Vatican Press... Read More

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