Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the world for a February summit to discuss how to better look like they... Read More


Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More

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San Francisco Parishioner Sits During Consecration In Protest Of Church’s Treatment Of Women 

San Francisco parishioner Colin Paekernick has been embroiled in fierce controversy after refusing to kneel for the consecration in protest of what he deemed... Read More

Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals

Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday his order that his church allow transgender parishioners to use the confessional they identify... Read More

Pope Francis Accuses Benedict XVI Of Wiretapping His Confessional

The Vatican has refused to say whether an apology was in the works after eavesdropping allegations were made by Francis last week against his predecessor. Pope... Read More

Kanye West Meets With Pope Francis To Discuss Liturgy

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit: rodrigoferrari   Kanye West met with Pope Francis on Tuesday, after he was spotted... Read More

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Parish Life

Purr-iest Says Meow Culpa At Wrong Part of Cat Mass

Cat-alina Island, CA–Speaking to his congregation after the 9:00am... Read More

Man Vomiting In Alley In Honor Of St. Patrick

Image: Wikicommons Calling it a way to show his honor and devotion to St.... Read More

Baptist Church Removes Bibles From Place Of Worship For Being “Too Catholic”

  Congregants of a Baptist church in South Carolina yesterday unanimously... Read More

Swede Invents Thicker Confessional Walls; Wins Nobel Prize

Sweden––Alsog Dalgaard of Sweden has been awarded the Nobel Prize... Read More

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Libs & Trads

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist... Read More

Local Parents Paying $10,000 A Year In Catholic Tuition To Have Son Learn The Fundamentals Of Other Religions

Facing financial ruin due to the high cost of trying to provide their son with a... Read More

Diversity The Greatest Moral Virtue, New Study Finds

Washington, DC––According to a new study out today by Georgetown University’s... Read More

Jesus Assumes New Role As Savior Emeritus After Catholic Blogger Takes Over Task Of Saving Church From Francis

Catholic blogger Nicholas Robison, best known for his blog, More Catholic Than Jesus,... Read More

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