New Research May Prove Santa Was Inspiration For Fabled Third-Century Saint

  After close to a decade of research, historians from the University of America announced Wednesday that the fabled third-century saint, known to... Read More

Mass

Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room

According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

Madison, WI––It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest.... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

Tostitos Fiesta Pentecost Mass One Of Many New Church Sponsorships

Alameda, CA–Following a string of church closures around the country, St. Stephen Parish in Alameda, California has announced plans to have their upcoming Pentecost Mass sponsored by Tostitos. The move comes just months after Los Angeles... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Liberal Catholic University To Replace Church With Massive Cafeteria

Miami, FL––To help accommodate the diverse palates of Mater Dei University’s large Catholic student-body, President Jon Heinz has announced plans to... Read More

Pope Francis Confirms Cats Still Going To Hell

Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died,... Read More

Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled by the Vatican on Tuesday, some of which reveal that women in early Christianity... Read More

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious would be taking place at... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced... Read More

“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says

VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that... Read More

Pope Emeritus Benedict Glances At Cover Of Time Magazine Again, Discreetly Wipes Tear From Eye

VATICAN–Sources close to the Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI reported... Read More

Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions... Read More

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Politics

Blogger Who Wrote Scathing Post On ‘Laudato Si’ Considering Reading Encyclical For Himself

Catholic blogger Dermot McHenry, who wrote a scornful attack on Laudato Si yesterday,... Read More

Marty Haugen Music To Be Outlawed Under New Geneva Convention Resolution

Geneva, Switzerland–New guidelines set down by the international community... Read More

Leaked Documents Reveal NSA Spied On Prayers Of Faithful

According to a new report out this week in the Italian magazine Panorama, the NSA... Read More

Rubio And Other Christian Birthers Demand To See Trump’s Baptismal Certificate

Image:Gage Skidmore Marco Rubio attacked Donald Trump on Wednesday, questioning his... Read More

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