Pope Francis Washes Feet Of Eight Men, One Woman, A Muslim, Ferret, And A Double Amputee

VATICAN–Pope Francis visited the Don Gnocchi Center in Rome today to wash the feet of 12 residents for the Holy Week ritual. According to the Catholic... Read More

Political

EIFEL

Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week

PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation of next week’s start of Fall Fashion Week. Legendary designer Christian Dior kicks off the annual event followed by a number of proven designers such as Calvin... Read More

An army of homegrown North Korean members of the LCWR prepare to be strapped to Missles.

Tensions Escalate As North Korea Threatens To Deploy LCWR Nuns On West

An army of homegrown North Korean members of the LCWR prepare to be strapped to Missles. WASHINGTON–Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel is calling North Korea’s threat to use LCWR nuns strapped to long-range missiles a “provocative... Read More

Everyone just chill out!

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto Navarro announced today that he has sat down with Israel and Palestine to try to encourage the volitile couple to peacefully work out... Read More

European Starling eggs.

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Altar Boy

SSPX Acolyte Stumbles During Offertory; Mass Deemed Invalid

Tempe, AZ––12-year-old acolyte Jake Brody atoned for his sin Sunday for having negligently stumbled on his way to the altar earlier that morning. The Mass... Read More

Catholic Church Seemingly Reverses Apology to Galileo

Twenty two years after the historic “apology” of Pope John Paul II to Galileo in 1992, astronomers are beginning to question the apology’s sincerity.... Read More

manti-teo-heisman

Notre Dame Linebacker Duped Into Playing For Fake Catholic University

South Bend, IN––According to sources within the University of Notre Dame last week, star linebacker Manti Te’o was “duped” into attending... Read More

ND

Obama Invited To Say Mass At Notre Dame

Southbend, IN––Three years after Notre Dame invited Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech to its graduating class, the university has now reportedly... Read More

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Mass

CRIME

Man Found Dead After Botched Homily

A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to... Read More

Magic

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion,... Read More

Cantor

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville,... Read More

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Parish Life

Chuck-50012 Still Desperately Awaiting Response From Kristin-51053 On Catholic Match

chuck

San Luis Obispo, CA––After drawing international fame last November for his... Read More

Drive-Thru Confessions Huge Hit In Local Parish

Drive Thru

Wichita, KS––Reports out of The Church of the Most Holy Trinity in Wichita,... Read More

Thousands Expected To Ring In The Solemnity Of Mary Mother Of God In Times Square

NYE2

New York, NY––Final preparations are underway in New York City this morning... Read More

Ambitious Woman Chooses To Read “Verse In One Year Bible” As New Year’s Resolution

JesusWept

Charlotte, NC––After having failed to finish her One Year Bible for the third... Read More

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