Vatican Opens Cause Of Canonization For Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg After Mistakenly Believing Her Dead And Incorrupt

Much to its embarrassment, it was discovered this week that the Congregation for the Causes of Saints had an open file on United States Supreme Court... Read More

Mass

USCCB To Consider Implementing Challenge Flags And Instant Replays During Masses

“Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily.” Washington, D.C.–As bishops from across the country gather in Washington, D.C. this weekend for the annual USCCB Liturgical Conference, many within the Church are speculating... Read More

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Catholic Church Seemingly Reverses Apology to Galileo

Twenty two years after the historic “apology” of Pope John Paul II to Galileo in 1992, astronomers are beginning to question the apology’s sincerity.... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More

Obama Invited To Say Mass At Notre Dame

Southbend, IN––Three years after Notre Dame invited Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech to its graduating class, the university has now reportedly... Read More

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Parish Life

Women May Now Have Their Feet Washed And Pedicured At Holy Thursday Mass, Pope Says

Pope Francis has changed the rules for the Church’s Holy Thursday foot-washing... Read More

Incense Vaping: The Latest Danger At Roman Seminaries

A recent uptick in admissions to Roman hospitals has Swiss Guards concerned... Read More

USCCB Forbids Catholic Organizations From Creating Anything That Looks Even Remotely Close To Being In The Same Vicinity As Up-to-Date

  USCCB spokesman, Bishop Roger Belvedere confirmed this week that... Read More

“Well, I’ll Definitely Keep You In My Prayers,” Says Man Who Will Inevitably Forget to Keep You In His Prayers

Not long after describing the various trials were going through to an... Read More

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Vatican

Synod On The Family Admits New ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner Vanity Fair Cover ‘A Game Changer’

Members of the Synod on the Family scrambled to meet today to discuss what some... Read More

Second Paul VI Miracle Approved After Priest Gives Homily On Humanae Vitae

VATICAN—Just days after Pope Paul VI moved one step closer to canonization after... Read More

Report: New Evidence Shows Lazarus Fell Off Donkey, Died Just Hours After Being Brought Back To Life

  A bible found in Turkey earlier this month has stunned the Christian world... Read More

Vatican Insiders Reveal Benedict Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation... Read More

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