EWTN Set To Premiere New Epic Series, Game Of Papal Thrones

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Image: Andrew Hermiz There was some exciting news for Game of Thrones fans who also happen to love Jesus today after EWTN announced that they are set to... Read More

Mass

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Eucharistic Minister Sanitizing Hell Out Of Hands Before Distributing Communion

Local Eucharistic Minister Courtney Smith has been sanitizing the living hell out her hands for the past two minutes in preparation of distributing Holy Communion, parishioners are reporting. According to parishioners at the 9:30 morning Mass... Read More

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches

The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners to help fill pews. The exciting news comes as the Church struggles with a world-wide... Read More

Magic

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Doctor William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist.

Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist

Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los Angeles, CA–Attempting to explain the physical and emotional toll that an average Sedevacantist... Read More

BSD

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011,... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will... Read More

Bishop Reassigns Diocese’s Only Fundamentally Solid Priest To Parish Of 300 People

Just months after igniting a firestorm for preaching Catholic doctrine from the pulpit, local priest Fr. Keith Crowell was reassigned to the diocese’s smallest... Read More

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Politics

New Terrorist Video Shows Christians Being Served Coffee In Red Cups

A new terrorist video put out today by Starbucks shows the latest batch... Read More

USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge Raising Little Money, Causing Terrible Injuries

You’ve seen all the USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge videos by now.... Read More

Image:Michael Vadon

Francis Urges Americans To Build Wall Around Trump

Image:Michael Vadon Pope Francis said Thursday that presidential candidate Donald... Read More

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed... Read More

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Parish Life

Diocese Of Gaylord, Michigan To Change Its Name To Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, Michigan

Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, MI—Parishioners in the Diocese of... Read More

Pope Infallibly Declares Nutella Overrated

Image: A.Kniesel

Image: A.Kniesel In a stunning declaration this morning, Pope Francis shocked many... Read More

Man Who’s Able To Bring Christ Down From Heaven To Earth Required To Get Permission From Parish Council For Something

Image: WIkiCommons

Image: WIkiCommons Fr. Kenneth Roberts of Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Albany,... Read More

Peter Jackson Announces Plans for 72-Part Movie Series of The Silmarillion

Image: WIki Commons

Image: WIki Commons Hollywood, CA–At a press conference today outside his estate... Read More

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