Man Disappointed After Witnessing Attractive Woman In Third Pew Holding Hands During Our Father

While visiting a new parish last Sunday, 24-year-old Dominic Newman reported seeing an attractive woman seated several pews ahead of him, whom... Read More

Mass

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of... Read More

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

Pope’s New Crossguard Lightsaber Crosier Stirring Up Controversy With Liturgical Purists

VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass. Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the world for a February summit to discuss how to better look like they are doing... Read More

Benedict XVI: “The Entire Vial Of Blood, Including Reliquary, Would’ve Liquefied If I Was Holding It”

Just days after St. Gennaro’s blood liquefied after Pope Francis kissed the relic in Naples, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI told EOTT that he would be able to”... Read More

Four Cardinals Ask Francis To Clarify IKEA Instructions

Image: Sean Hobson Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’ IKEA gift to them had numerous inconsistencies, four cardinals wrote a letter... Read More

EWTN Acquires Holy See

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See. “EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

  Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new... Read More

Local Man Demands Pope Create Commission To Study Role Of Insufferable Catholics In The Church

  Local man Tim Sutherland announced this morning that he was demanding... Read More

Disobedient SSPV Woman Wearing Shoes In Kitchen

Fillmore, NY–Local member of the Society of St. Pius V Marisa Conti... Read More

Sophisticated Lefeverist Smuggling Tunnel Found Under Vatican Walls

  The largest cross-boarder Lefeverist smuggling tunnel to date was... Read More

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Politics

Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads of the... Read More

Coexist Bumper Sticker Ushers In Era Of World Peace

Thanks to a Coexist bumper sticker spotted on the rear bumper of a local Toyota... Read More

Francis Urges Americans To Build Wall Around Trump

Image:Michael Vadon Pope Francis said Thursday that presidential candidate Donald... Read More

Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s

In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary School student... Read More

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