Use Of Cell Phones At Mass A “Very Ugly Thing,” Pope Tweets During Mass

  Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the priesthood and the laity who use their cell phones to take pictures... Read More

Mass

USCCB To Consider Implementing Challenge Flags And Instant Replays During Masses

“Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily.” Washington, D.C.–As bishops from across the country gather in Washington, D.C. this weekend for the annual USCCB Liturgical Conference, many within the Church are speculating... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

Madison, WI––It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest.... Read More

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Parish Life

Homeschool Mom Convinced Son Has Vocation to Papacy

Image:Vitold Muratov   Local homeschool mom Candice Sheehy announced to friends early this morning that she believed that her son Thomas may have a calling... Read More

Replica Of Shroud Of Turin Replica On Display In Wilmington, Delaware

Wilmington, DE––A replica of the replica of the Shroud of Turin, the hand painted copy of the replica of the shroud believed to have been wrapped around Jesus... Read More

Soccer Player Miraculously Rises To Feet Seconds After Writhing In Pain On Ground

BRAZIL–Thousands of soccer fans around the globe were witness to the miraculous recovery of an Italian soccer player this morning after he was viciously tapped... Read More

Catholic Dimwit Didn’t Even Know Wednesday Ashes Come From Cremated Pets

Local Catholic dimwit Elton Price admitted to friends today that he had absolutely no clue that ashes used during Ash Wednesday Masses came from cremated pets. The... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Diversity The Greatest Moral Virtue, New Study Finds

Washington, DC––According to a new study out today by Georgetown University’s... Read More

As 2000th Anniversary of Pentecost Approaches, God Still Refuses to Clarify Ambiguous Passages of Scripture

Advocates of family values and traditional marriage spoke out today, demanding... Read More

Knights Of Columbus Amassing Troops In Preparation For Vatican Takeover Of Malta

Tensions have escalated between conservative and liberal Catholics today... Read More

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford,... Read More

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Politics

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma City... Read More

Expert Analysis From Community College World Religions Teacher On CNN

Royal Oak, MI–Just minutes after black smoke rose above the Sistine Chapel... Read More

Supreme Court Demands Apology From God For Sodom And Gomorrah

Just hours after ruling that all Americans, no matter their sexual orientation,... Read More

Seminary Recruiting Scandal Rocks Diocese

Image_Chris Watson   The USCCB’s crackdown on seminary recruiting corruption... Read More

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