Parish Council Places Severed Horse Head On Pastor’s Bed As A Warning

Horse

Local pastor Fr. Richard Woltz woke up beside the severed head of his prize thoroughbred this morning after refusing a request from parish council leader... Read More

Mass

Cantor

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

CHURCH

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe

A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent... Read More

JAPAN

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of... Read More

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Politics

Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads of the Catholic and Christian Orthodox Churches, Pope Francis will become the fourth Pope... Read More

Image: Mark Nozell (Flikr)

Francis’ General Audience Address Bears Striking Resemblance To Melania Trump Speech

Image: Mark Nozell (Flikr) A number of paragraphs from Pope Francis’ Wednesday General Audience speech appear to have been lifted from Melania Trump’s Republican... Read More

Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

  Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared their story of having a 5-year-old transgender daughter who became a boy, but will not... Read More

Satanists Sue Fr. Frank Pavone For Copyright Infringement

Officials at the Satanic organization Blaspheme Inc. announced today that they are suing Father Frank Pavone for copyright infringement after the pro-life advocate... Read More

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Libs & Trads

www.richard-seaman.com

SSPV Apologize After Drone Targeting Novus Ordo Mass Accidentally Dropped On Taliban

Hoboken, NJ––An SSPV drone strike has accidentally killed three... Read More

BSD

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today... Read More

Upon all thee that follow me, I impart my apostolic blessing

Pope Michael Doesn’t Know What All The Commotion Is About

Belvue, KS–Sources close to Pope Michael are strongly denying reports... Read More

Cardinal Says Women’s Ordination Makes Sense Because Church Could Pay Women Less To Minister

  Cardinal Sean O’Malley told reporters earlier today that his... Read More

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Vatican

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe... Read More

Pope Retracts Punch In The Face Remark; Says He Would Kick Them In Nuts

En route to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he... Read More

BREAKING: Priests Accused Of Selling Indulgences For Bit Coins

VATICAN––Sources are confirming this morning that 11 priests are being accused... Read More

Pope Francis Thinks Facing Mecca During Mass A Great Idea

Image: JennyR18

Image: JennyR18 Responding to Cardinal Robert Sarah’s suggestion that priests celebrate... Read More

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