Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the world for a February summit to discuss how to better look like they... Read More


Catholic School Children Offended By Dumbed Down Homily

El Centro, CA–Students at St. Therese of Carmel Acadamy walked out of Mass confounded earlier this morning after parish priest Fr. Ted Cordova delivered an over simplified homily about the Lord’s command to forgive “not... Read More

Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest. The well-known Catholic... Read More

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

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EWTN Officially Endorses Trump For The Papacy

Image: Gage Skidmore Just a day before EWTN plans to air an exclusive interview with Presidential candidate Donald Trump, the company’s board of directors and... Read More

Cardinal Kaspar Opposes Resettlement Of Traditionalist Refugees In Home Diocese

Cardinal Walter Kaspar’s anger over resettlement of ultra-traditionalist priests into his dioceses took a new turn Thursday as a growing number of German bishops... Read More

Seminary Recruiting Scandal Rocks Diocese

Image_Chris Watson   The USCCB’s crackdown on seminary recruiting corruption rocked the Archdiocese of Louisville Wednesday after head  of the Vocation Office... Read More

King Richard III Confirmed Dead

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains of King Richard III, confirming reports that the 15th century monarch is dead.... Read More

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Parish Life

Radio Pledge Drive Sadly Best Part of Catholic Station’s Programming

Sadly admitting that last quarter’s Catholic radio pledge drive was... Read More

LeBron James Becomes Priest; Carries Catholic Church On Back

Image: Andrew Hermiz   Just days after carrying the Cleveland Cavaliers... Read More

Catholic Church Says No To Gluten-Free Catholics Entering Heaven

Image: Paterm   [News Brief] A new letter to Catholic bishops this... Read More

EWTN Announces New Reality Show Lineup

Irondale, AL––Addressing the latest ratings dip for EWTN, the network’s... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Weird Sedevacantist Group Apparently Still Waiting for Messiah

  Telling those gathered at the annual Confederation of Ultra Traditionalists... Read More

Sophisticated Lefeverist Smuggling Tunnel Found Under Vatican Walls

  The largest cross-boarder Lefeverist smuggling tunnel to date was discovered... Read More

Second Year Of Mercy To Allow An Individual’s Conscience To Absolve One’s Own Sins

The Vatican announced today that they will be opening a second Year of Mercy. The... Read More

Catholics For Choice Asks Vatican To Allow Abortions In Cases of Rape, Incest, Impending Prom

The pro-choice organization Catholics for Choice today sent a request to the Vatican... Read More

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