Jason Evert Weighs In On How Far Is Too Far During The Kiss Of Peace

  Earlier this week at the Franciscan University of Steubenville, well-known chastity speaker and writer Jason Evert gave a presentation to hundreds... Read More

Mass

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions

Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony. Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Daylight Savings News: Sedevacantist Family Moves Clocks Back Seven Centuries

After having set the family clock back seven centuries for daylight savings this past weekend, patriarch of a local sedevacantist family told EOTT this morning... Read More

National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody

Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More

SSPX Excommunicates Renegade Bishop For Installing Bishops Without Approval

Peoria, AZ – SSPX Arizona Bishop Gerald Leif confirmed Thursday that he has installed four bishops in spite of SSPX forbiddance. The move comes months after meetings... Read More

Notre Dame Celebrates “Coming Out As Episcopalian Day”

  The University of Notre Dame is holding it’s first-ever “Coming Out as Episcopalian Day” to coincide with “National Coming Out Day,” school officials... Read More

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Vatican

“Most Of The Words That Come Out Of My Mouth Are Invalid,” Pope Francis Suggests

Image: Alfredo Borba Pope Francis said Thursday that the majority of the... Read More

CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”

Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of... Read More

Pope Francis Bows To Refrigerator, Houseplant

VATICAN CITY–As head of state at the Vatican, as well as leader... Read More

Pope Francis Gets Last F-Bomb Out Of System before Giving Up Cussing For Lent

VATICAN–His Holiness Pope Francis shocked the world today during... Read More

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Politics

Vatican To Allow Trump To Choose American Bishops

Image: Gage Skidmore   The Vatican’s recent agreement to give America... Read More

Trump Overturns Roe v. Wade

Image: Gage Skidmore Just a day after Donald Trump shocked the world by defeating... Read More

Rubio And Other Christian Birthers Demand To See Trump’s Baptismal Certificate

Image:Gage Skidmore Marco Rubio attacked Donald Trump on Wednesday, questioning his... Read More

Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane arriving... Read More

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