People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Man Found Dead After Botched Homily
A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More
After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner
Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More
Creepy Clown Masses On The Rise
Image: Graeme Maclean Reports out of Cincinnati, Ohio today suggest sightings of Creepy Clown Masses are on the rise nationwide, and at levels not seen since the introduction of the 3rd typical edition of the Roman Missal five years ago. While... Read More
Monday Morning Priest Would’ve Said Mass Completely Different
Denver, CO––After having attended Mass yesterday evening, Denver native and layman Jeffrey Baines went on his public access television show Clerical Primetime this morning to criticize his parish pastor Father Roger Manning of quitting... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests
Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with... Read More
Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis
Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More
Liberal Catholic University To Replace Church With Massive Cafeteria
Miami, FL––To help accommodate the diverse palates of Mater Dei University’s large Catholic student-body, President Jon Heinz has announced plans to... Read More
SSPX Sentences Priest To 1,000 Lashes For Smiling During Mass
Society of St. Pius X priest Fr. Donald Johnson has been sentenced to three years in prison and 1,000 lashes for allegedly smiling during the Mass two weeks ago. Johnson... Read More
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Politics
Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group
Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma... Read More
CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal
Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to... Read More
God Apparently Hates Brazil
Kingdom of Heaven––Speaking from His Eternal Throne of Cherubim,... Read More
Trump Overturns Roe v. Wade
Image: Gage Skidmore Just a day after Donald Trump shocked the world by... Read More
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Vatican
Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff
VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More
“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says
VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever... Read More
Pope Francis To Raffle Off Papacy To Aid Poor
As spiritual leader of over 1.2 billion Catholics, Pope Francis has received hundreds... Read More
Swiss Guard Wondering Where The Hell All The Action Is
Image:gnuckx New member of the Swiss Guard Leon Habsburg has reportedly made... Read More