Solemn High Requiem Mass Held For The Spirit Of Vatican II

  CINCINNATI, OH- A Solemn High Requiem Mass was held Thursday at St. Martura Church in downtown Cincinnati for the Spirit of Vatican II, aged 52.... Read More

Mass

Presentation of the Gifts

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Toronto, Canada––Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church in Toronto, Canada Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours early Sunday morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating... Read More

Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and... Read More

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews.

Seating For Mass Turns Chaotic After Ushers Call In Sick

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews. Bowie, Maryland–Mass at St. Alphonsus Parish in Bowie, Maryland quickly turned chaotic earlier this morning after all eight ushers called in sick with the flu.... Read More

HazelDeltaTrinity

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

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Vatican

Papa

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this evening after viewing images showing Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s... Read More

Pope Francis Says He Would Baptise Aliens

Pope Francis has said that he would be willing to baptise aliens if they came to the Vatican, asking “who are we to close doors” to anyone – even Martians. In... Read More

Women In Love With Married Men Appeal To Pope To Make Fidelity Optional

  VATICAN–A group of 26 Italian mistresses who claim to be having affairs with Catholic men have written a joint letter to Pope Francis begging him to... Read More

Second Paul VI Miracle Approved After Priest Gives Homily On Humanae Vitae

VATICAN—Just days after Pope Paul VI moved one step closer to canonization after a miracle required for Beatification was formally approved, an EOTT source inside... Read More

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Parish Life

Overzealous Priest Overturns The Tables Of The Money Changers In Church Gift Shop

Louisville, KY––In what the police are calling a “fanatical... Read More

MysteryPriest

Mystery Priest At Car Accident Revealed, Heralded As Courageous Man Who Wore Clerics In Public

The “Missouri Miracle” mystery priest who ministered to Katie... Read More

New Line Of Sleek, Sexy Ankle Length Jean Jumpers Stirs Up Controversy At 2014 Homeschool Fashion Show

Norfolk, VA—Renowned homeschool fashion designer Mary Elisabeth O’Conner... Read More

FOOTBALL

University Of Steubenville Quarterback Exclusively Throwing “Hail Marys”

Steubenville, OH––The University of Steubenville, best known for... Read More

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Political

Family Atheist Disproves Existence Of Grandfather He’s Never Seen

Grandpa Joe

Fort Lauderdale, FL–As debate continued over whether or not it was appropriate for... Read More

Landmark Win For Individuals Who Experience And Act Upon An Exclusive Or Predominant Attraction Toward Persons Of The Same Sex

Supreme Court Ruling

Washington, DC––In a landmark win for thousands of people across America who... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church in a referendum... Read More

Atheists Sue To Remove Letters “G”, “O”, And “D” From Alphabet

American Atheists President David Silverman

American Atheists President David Silverman Berkley, CA––The civil liberties... Read More

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