Benedict Confirms Epic Kegger At Apostolic Palace During Francis Visit To U.S.

VATICAN– Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI confirmed Monday that he will make his first visit to the Apostolic Palace in September to host and attend a... Read More

Mass

SSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIII

Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

th Lord b W u : )

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga... Read More

The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Unimaginative Priest Celebrates Themeless Mass

San Francisco, CA–Citing a lack of time and energy, as well as feeling the “total absence of the liturgical muse,” local pastor Father Mike Conway this... Read More

manti-teo-heisman

Notre Dame Linebacker Duped Into Playing For Fake Catholic University

South Bend, IN––According to sources within the University of Notre Dame last week, star linebacker Manti Te’o was “duped” into attending... Read More

Barefoot

Disobedient SSPV Woman Wearing Shoes In Kitchen

Fillmore, NY–Local member of the Society of St. Pius V Marisa Conti reported Tuesday that she planned to wear shoes in the kitchen despite a recent ruling... Read More

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes

WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former President Jimmy Carter talked about his letter to mathematicians. In it, Carter called on... Read More

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Politics

Dr. Kermit Gosnell

Media Ignores Murder Trial of Abortionist who Severed Spines of Infants 19 Years After Their Birth

Dr. Kermit Gosnell Minneapolis, MN–The mainstream media is largely... Read More

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the... Read More

Nancy Pelosi

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced... Read More

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

Biden and Ryan End Debate With Recitation Of Rosary

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters Danville, KY––After a heated and combative... Read More

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Parish Life

Skinny Southern California Girl Who Fasted From Carbohydrates And Fatty Foods Not Ready To Give Up Her Lenten Fast

San Diego, CA–Despite having successfully fulfilled her Lenten fast from carbohydrates... Read More

Pastor Encourages Parishoners To Use New Click-To-Confess Feature On Church Website

Raleigh, North Carolina––After revealing new updates to the parish website, pastor... Read More

Catholic Answers Runs Out Of Questions; To Close Its Doors In May

Catholic Answers

San Diego, CA–It was officially announced today that after 25 years, the largest... Read More

5-Year-Old Parishioner Thinks Being Removed From Mass During Homily For Children’s Ministry A Complete Load Of Bull Crap

Beaverton, OR–Speaking to a group of children gathered in a room next to St.... Read More

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