Report: 10% Fewer Catholic High School Students Will Leave Their Faith Due to School Closures

Kevin Kukla ( A survey of recent-graduating seniors from Catholic high schools from across the country today revealed some surprising... Read More


Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room

According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s... Read More

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew

Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of relief during Mass this morning after parishioner Veronica Hough validated the consecration by mumbling the words of institution along with the priest. Many parishioners... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist

Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los Angeles, CA–Attempting to explain the physical and emotional toll that an average Sedevacantist... Read More

New Evidence Reveals The Mass Was Founded In 1965

Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering undeniable evidence of his theory that the Mass was founded in 1965, as... Read More

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will... Read More

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World Cup: Trump Rooting For Russia In Hopes Of Finally Having A Team Accept Invitation To White House

  In his desire to have a team, “any team,” actually want to... Read More

Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s

In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary... Read More

Prolife Judge Deports Pregnant Illegal Immigrant; Allows Fetus To Stay

  Prolife judge Anthony Gabel ordered Fairuz Naoum, a pregnant illegal... Read More

Parish Council Grills Catechumen Nominee At Confirmation Mass

Image: Joe Ravi Catechumen nominee Neil Schlesing said that “no man is... Read More

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2014 Sochi Olympics: Why Has The Vatican Yet To Medal?

SOCHI, Russia––For only the third time in Winter Games history, the United States... Read More

Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis... Read More

Vatican To Project Microsoft Bubbles Screensaver Onto St. Peter’s Whenever Basilica Not In Use

An illuminated projection of the Microsoft Office Bubbles theme onto the facade... Read More

Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter

  Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s... Read More

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