USCCB Approves Initiative To Round All Traditionally Built Churches By End Of Next Year

Members of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops announced that they have approved an initiative to “round out” all remaining traditionally... Read More

Politics

Mike Segar/Reuters

Audience Of Undecideds Patiently Await Good Zinger To Decide Their Vote

Mike Segar/Reuters After patiently enduring a 90-minute presidential debate last night, undecided voters at Hofstra University in Long Island were left wanting after lackluster zinger performances by both presidential candidates. For an hour... Read More

CHS

Bombing Of St. Augustine High School Traced To Manicheans

Nashville, TN–Police officials reported that their investigation following last week’s tragic bombing of St. Augustine Academy for Boys has led them to three possible suspects, members of an underground Manichean ring of terrorists... Read More

Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads of the Catholic and Christian Orthodox Churches, Pope Francis will become the fourth Pope to visit the Holy Land and try to walk away unscathed. There he will hold his... Read More

European Starling eggs.

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty... Read More

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Mass

Crusades

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Los Angeles, CA––Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley... Read More

WOMAN

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily,... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan... Read More

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Vatican

Bigfoot

CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”

Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of... Read More

A Mayan stone calendar

[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out

VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of... Read More

Pope Francis Gets Last F-Bomb Out Of System before Giving Up Cussing For Lent

VATICAN–His Holiness Pope Francis shocked the world today during... Read More

Adoration

Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions... Read More

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Libs & Trads

USCCB To Publish Compendium Of The Compendium Of The Catechism For College Students

Washington, DC––It was announced today that the United States Conference of... Read More

New Evidence Reveals The Mass Was Founded In 1965

Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering... Read More

Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

photo (1) - Copy

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings,... Read More

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