San Francisco Parishioner Sits During Consecration In Protest Of Church’s Treatment Of Women 

San Francisco parishioner Colin Paekernick has been embroiled in fierce controversy after refusing to kneel for the consecration in protest of what... Read More

Mass

Magic

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

CHILD

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

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Vatican

Dr

Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine, sent a clear message to his patient, Mr. Christopher Watts, who is suffering... Read More

Pope Retracts Punch In The Face Remark; Says He Would Kick Them In Nuts

En route to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he was ready to “punch” anyone who insults his mother, showing that there... Read More

Women In Love With Married Men Appeal To Pope To Make Fidelity Optional

  VATICAN–A group of 26 Italian mistresses who claim to be having affairs with Catholic men have written a joint letter to Pope Francis begging him to... Read More

Vatican Idol

New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way

VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope, Vatican officials are scrambling to put in place the final touches of the new... Read More

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Parish Life

Knights Of Columbus Totally Not Catholic Version Of Freemasons

New Haven, CT––The Knights of Columbus, which are made up of wealthy... Read More

Pope Attends Charismatic Prayer Service To Experience What Torture Feels Like

ROME –  Pope Francis led a pep rally yesterday in Rome’s Olympic... Read More

Parishioner Can’t Begin To Explain How Important All The Symbolism Is In Tridentine Mass

Atlanta, GA–Local Tridentine Mass-goer Desmond Wilson reported to... Read More

Excited Old People

First Ever “World Geriatric Day” To Take Place In Boca Raton

Pope Francis announced this morning that the location of the first ever... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Disobedient SSPV Woman Wearing Shoes In Kitchen

Barefoot

Fillmore, NY–Local member of the Society of St. Pius V Marisa Conti reported... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new... Read More

Breaking: The Remnant Newspaper, National Catholic Reporter To Merge

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Image: Andrew Hermiz The Remnant Newspaper and The National Catholic Reporter announced... Read More

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

Protest

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics protested... Read More

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