Burke Named Head Of Vatican’s Congregation Of Janitorial Services

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has named Cardinal Raymond Burke to be the first prefect of the Congregation of Janitorial Services. Francis’... Read More



“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More


Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More


One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

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Parish Life

Breaking: Man In Church Still Hasn’t Taken Off Hat

After reporting that an unidentified man entered St. Monica Catholic Church for Mass this morning without taking off his hat, parishioners announced 10 minutes... Read More

Thomas Aquinas College Offering New Two-Year Program In The “Pretty Good Books”

Santa Paula, CA––Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula, California announced this week that they will be offering a new two-year program in the Pretty Good... Read More

Uruguayan Pastor Bites Rival Priest During Mass

New York, NY—Just a day after Uruguay star Luis Suarez allegedly bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini at the World Cup, Uruguayan born priest, Father Roldolfo... Read More

Image: Alexander Torrenegra

Uber To Begin Offering Sacrament Delivery With New UberMass App

Image: Alexander Torrenegra Uber has announced plans to begin offering Mass deliveries beginning early next year. Attempting to expand beyond the borders of ridesharing... Read More

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Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals

Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday... Read More

Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads... Read More

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed... Read More

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U.S. Bishops Meet In Baltimore To Discuss Churches Providing Safe Spaces From Hostile Catholic Teachings

Image: nfutvol The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops met in Baltimore... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Cardinal Nichols Asks Priests To Face Him During Mass

In response to Cardinal Sarah’s remarks on celebrating the liturgy ad orientem,... Read More

Breaking: The Remnant Newspaper, National Catholic Reporter To Merge

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Image: Andrew Hermiz The Remnant Newspaper and The National Catholic Reporter announced... Read More

Pope Michael Doesn’t Know What All The Commotion Is About

Upon all thee that follow me, I impart my apostolic blessing

Belvue, KS–Sources close to Pope Michael are strongly denying reports out... Read More

Former LCWR President’s Dynamic Speech May Change Pope’s Mind On Female Ordination

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston ROME––Former President of the Leadership Conference of... Read More

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