Vatican Shuts Down After Liberals, Rad Trads Can’t Come To An Agreement

Ricardo André Frantz   Hundreds of thousands of priests from around the world have either been sent back to the rectory or have been told to not... Read More

Mass

Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room

According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled by the Vatican on Tuesday, some of which reveal that women in early Christianity... Read More

Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag

“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.” VATICAN CITY–The Italian Newspaper La Rupubblica is reporting today that a member... Read More

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Vatican

5 Memorable Moments From Francis’ First Year

  The winds of change blow off Francis’ zucchetto Pope Francis... Read More

Pope Francis To Investigate Roman Curia On TV Show “Undercover Boss”

ROME–Executives from CBS confirmed Wednesday that Chief Executive... Read More

Pope Francis Sneaks Out Of Vatican At Night In Disguise To Help Poor, Fight Crime

  VATICAN–A recent interview with the Papal Alomner Archbishop... Read More

Pope Francis Not Sure What To Make Of His Papacy Thus Far

VATICAN CITY––It was announced earlier this afternoon that His Holiness... Read More

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Parish Life

Diocese Of Fairbanks, Arkansas To Evangelize Modern World By Obtaining An Email Address

Fairbanks, AR–Citing a need to “engage the modern world” and “reach... Read More

Overzealous Priest Overturns The Tables Of The Money Changers In Church Gift Shop

Louisville, KY––In what the police are calling a “fanatical act committed while... Read More

Friend’s Excuses For Not Making It To Mass Getting Pretty Elaborate

Pittsburgh, PA–– After having skipped Mass for 11 out of the past 13 Sundays,... Read More

Last Male Altar Server In U.S. Quits; No Longer Wants To Do Girls Job

The last male altar server in the United States has officially called it quits,... Read More

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