People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Thousands Camp Outside Churches In Anticipation Of Black Friday Masses

Hundreds of church-goers stamped into Saint Theresa Parish on Black Friday, 2011, just moments before four are tragically trampled to death. As anticipated, thousands of church-goers have already camped out in front of churches all across the... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Woman Who Believes Church Has No Respect For Women Can’t Wait To See Fifty Shades Of Grey

South Jordan, UT––Citing the Catholic Church’s centuries old “tradition” of misogyny and overall hatred toward women, local Catholic Debra Wilhelm told... Read More

New Cirque Du Soleil Show Just A Novus Ordo Mass

Staring in awe as she stared out onto the stage, Las Vegas visitor Allison Garrity was moved to tears Saturday evening after seeing whimsical, beautiful, yet... Read More

Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants

  Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old New Philadelphian Gary Walker told his grandchildren that he remembered a time when a man... Read More

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Politics

Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals

Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday... Read More

Vatican Does Not Deny Francis Visit With Tom Brady; Tells QB To “Stay Strong”

Image: Andrew Campbell/Flickr   A source close to Pope Francis this... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church... Read More

Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School

Image: Patnac   Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that... Read More

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Vatican

Second Paul VI Miracle Approved After Priest Gives Homily On Humanae Vitae

VATICAN—Just days after Pope Paul VI moved one step closer to canonization after... Read More

No Winner In Vatican Powerball Lottery; Jackpot Now Estimated 700 Million Indulgences

Image: Wikicommons The largest jackpot in Vatican history — now an estimated... Read More

Francis Found Weeping In Vatican Men’s Restroom After Learning Of Bad Amoris Laetitia Reviews

Image: Wikicommons Sources confirmed Thursday that Pope Francis was found crawled... Read More

Pope Francis Seen Walking Around The Vatican Carrying Bloody, Barbed Wire Baseball Bat

Rumors out of Rome began swirling yesterday after Pope Francis was seen walking... Read More

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