Recreational Heresy Now Officially Legal in California Parishes

  Roman Catholic dioceses in California began allowing recreational heresy Monday in what has been seen as a milestone in the mainstreaming of dissent. Lines... Read More

Mass

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga... Read More

Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions

Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony. Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Traditionalists Sanction Protestant Communities Over Vatican II Liturgical Hacks

In a drastic move to secure traditionalist Catholics from liturgical hackers, the Burke administration on Thursday slapped a number of Protestant communities and... Read More

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Fr. Walter Allen arrived dressed... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More

Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates

Image:Brendan Riley Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that... Read More

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Vatican

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that... Read More

USCCB Restricts Free Spread Of Lumen Fidei; “Just Like St. Paul Did With Book Of Galations.”

Washington, DC––Just a week after the USCCB accused popular Catholic... Read More

Francis Hit With Tranquilizer Dart By Swiss Guard Seconds After Putting Down Scripted Statement To Speak Off-Cuff

Photo: AndrewHermez   Pope Francis was hit with a tranquilizer dart... Read More

Pope Francis To Raffle Off Papacy To Aid Poor

As spiritual leader of over 1.2 billion Catholics, Pope Francis has received... Read More

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Parish Life

New Scott Hahn Drinking Game Has Readers Taking Shot After Every Mention Of Word “Covenant”

Steubenville, OH––A new, dangerous drinking game invented by Franciscan University... Read More

Kanye West Announces Bid For The Papacy

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit: rodrigoferrari   Kanye... Read More

Breaking: Man In Church Still Hasn’t Taken Off Hat

After reporting that an unidentified man entered St. Monica Catholic Church for... Read More

Thomas Aquinas College Offering New Two-Year Program In The “Pretty Good Books”

Santa Paula, CA––Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula, California announced... Read More

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