The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began... Read More

Libs & Trads

Sede Vacante

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist Catholics. The study, done at the Church of Saint Luke in Oyster Bay Cove, New... Read More

BSD

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011, Corapi appeared on a video titled, The Black Sheep Dog, announcing that he... Read More

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string of incidents that caused a high school chemistry teacher to go rogue could have... Read More

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston

Former LCWR President’s Dynamic Speech May Change Pope’s Mind On Female Ordination

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston ROME––Former President of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, Pat Ferrell, delivered an electrifying speech yesterday to Pope Benedict XVI and top Church officials regarding the necessity of female priests.... Read More

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Vatican

“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says

VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever lived, including ones still living, is to be canonized by the end of the year,... Read More

AffleckBatman

Pope Francis Calls Zack Snyder To Complain About Choice Of Ben Affleck For Batman

Hollywood, CA––”Hello, it’s Pope Francis,” were the first words spoken during a conversation in which His Holiness telephoned Zack Snyder,... Read More

Undercover Pope

Pope Francis To Investigate Roman Curia On TV Show “Undercover Boss”

ROME–Executives from CBS confirmed Wednesday that Chief Executive Officer of The One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church Pope Francis would be appearing... Read More

Brazil Pope

“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million... Read More

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Parish Life

envelope

Bitter Old Man Writes Angry Letter To Vatican Using All Caps

Boonville, NC–Writing under the pen name “Nerocious,”... Read More

Study: Every Large Catholic Family In The U.S. Has A “Bernadette”

Washington, DC––A new study out today has found that every Catholic... Read More

Parish Council denies request of man ordained to the Order of Melchizedek.

Man Who’s Able To Bring Christ Down From Heaven To Earth Required To Get Permission From Parish Council For Something

Parish Council denies request of man who was ordained to the Order of Melchizedek. Albany,... Read More

bible

Spider Finds Unused Piece Of Real Estate On Catholic Bible To Build New Web

Somerset County, ME––Cherry Cavatica, daughter of famed animal rights... Read More

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Political

Audience Of Undecideds Patiently Await Good Zinger To Decide Their Vote

Mike Segar/Reuters

Mike Segar/Reuters After patiently enduring a 90-minute presidential debate last... Read More

Last Remaining Christian Living In Jerusalem Excited About Papal Visit

israel_jerusalem

JERUSALEM–Just a day before Pope Francis makes his first Papal Visit to the... Read More

Paula Deen Not In Hot Water After Using Anti-Catholic Slur

DEEN

Savannah, GA––Just weeks after admitting she used racist and anti-Semitic comments... Read More

Mosul Muslims Delight Christian Neighbors with “One-Eyed Willy” Smiley Faces

Mosul, IRAQ––The Western Media is reporting a growing new trend in Iraq’s... Read More

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