Word On Fire Launches “Catholicism” DVD Box Set Into Space

  The most powerful rocket to leave Earth since Elon Musk’s Falcon Heavy launched from Des Plaines, Illinois this morning. The Fire On The Earth... Read More

Mass

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Clown At Circus Mass Reprimanded For Honking Sanctus Horn At Wrong Part Of Consecration

Sources say that just minutes after a Circus Mass at St. Pius X Catholic Church concluded earlier this morning, Church Pastor and Ring Master Fr. Reggie Smith reprimanded... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search Of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated... Read More

Mars Curiosity Rover Successfully Reaches Jesuit Seminary

Berkeley, CA––NASA announced Tuesday that its 2.5 billion dollar Mars Curiosity Rover has successfully touched down in the Jesuit Seminary in Berkeley. For... Read More

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Politics

Meryl Streep Takes Aim At Dubia During Golden Globes Speech

Image: neon-tommy Just moments after being honored at the Golden Globes... Read More

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the... Read More

Vatican Shuts Down After Liberals, Rad Trads Can’t Come To An Agreement

Ricardo André Frantz   Hundreds of thousands of priests from around... Read More

Trump Announces He Has Possession Of Fourth Secret Of Fatima; Claims The Other Secrets Were Fake News

Fátima_José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro   White House Press Secretary... Read More

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Vatican

Members Of Roman Curia Flood Michael Voris With Invitations To Visit Vatican

Image: WikiCommons Just days after Catholic internet personality Michael Voris revealed... Read More

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More

Swiss Guard Wondering Where The Hell All The Action Is

Image:gnuckx   New member of the Swiss Guard Leon Habsburg has reportedly made... Read More

Francis Condemns Magnum Principium, Begins Saying Latin Mass After Hitting Head During Popemobile Accident

Image:Zebra48bo   Days after the Pontiff sustained injuries after hitting his... Read More

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