Gillette Introduces New ‘Tampons For Him’

  Just days after stirring up controversy with an ad attempting to cure toxic masculinity, Gillette today introduced its newest product, ‘Tampons... Read More

Mass

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

Catholic School Children Offended By Dumbed Down Homily

El Centro, CA–Students at St. Therese of Carmel Acadamy walked out of Mass confounded earlier this morning after parish priest Fr. Ted Cordova delivered an over simplified homily about the Lord’s command to forgive “not... Read More

Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain

    St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Joel Osteen Vigorously Attempting To Shove Camel Through Eye Of Needle

Image: RobertMWorsham   [News Brief]   Just days after refusing to offer shelter at his megachurch to victims of Hurricane Harvey, popular pastor Joel... Read More

Pope Francis Calls Ten Commandments Too Rigid

  [News Brief] Pope Francis on Monday warned against the excessive rigidity of the Ten Commandments and said “God gives us the freedom to search our own... Read More

Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion

  Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he... Read More

National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody

Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More

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Vatican

Francis Waives “Five-Century Rule” For Inquiry Into Possible Canonization Of Martin Luther

In a press conference aboard the papal plane this morning, Pope Francis... Read More

CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”

Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of... Read More

Pope Francis To Investigate Roman Curia On TV Show “Undercover Boss”

ROME–Executives from CBS confirmed Wednesday that Chief Executive... Read More

Little Girl Who Attempted To Steal Pope’s “Hat” Arraigned On Felony Charges

The Swiss Guard have arrested Estella Westrick from Atlanta, Georgia for... Read More

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Parish Life

Priest Really Can’t Wait to Hear Your Whole Life Story in Confessional

Sources reported earlier today that Fr. David Bryant, Pastor at St. Josephat Catholic... Read More

8-Year-Old Boy Escapes From Shawshank Cathedral Cry Room

A routine Sunday morning for the Dufresne family took a sudden turn last week after... Read More

Chuck-50012 Still Desperately Awaiting Response From Kristin-51053 On Catholic Match

San Luis Obispo, CA––After drawing international fame last November for his... Read More

17-Year-Old Homeschool Boy Solves Mystery Of Trinity While Mother Combs His Hair

Portland, OR––According to the Brandt family, moments ago, 17-year-old homeschooler... Read More

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