Atheist Blesses Sneezing Woman

Image:mcfarlandmo   Local atheist Thomas Winters has been accused of saying “Bless you” to a stranger who sneezed late Wednesday night, several... Read More

Mass

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

Pope’s New Crossguard Lightsaber Crosier Stirring Up Controversy With Liturgical Purists

VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass. Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors... Read More

The “Brown Note” Proven True Seconds After “Gather Us In” Begins

The infrasonic sound that some have said causes people to lose control of their bowels was proven true just seconds after the hymn Gather Us In began last Sunday. Director of Acoustic Resonance and Church Worship at the Vatican Michelle Klinsmann... Read More

“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More

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Vatican

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective... Read More

Pope Francis To Raffle Off Papacy To Aid Poor

As spiritual leader of over 1.2 billion Catholics, Pope Francis has received hundreds of gifts from devotees and world leaders since his election in 2013. But now... Read More

“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million... Read More

Pope Francis To Work Midnight Shift At McDonald’s to Help The Poor

ROME––The new Holy Father, after paying his hotel bill the day of his election to “give an example to priests,” has decided to submit an application... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Cardinal Says Women’s Ordination Makes Sense Because Church Could Pay Women Less To Minister

  Cardinal Sean O’Malley told reporters earlier today that his... Read More

Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle

Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the... Read More

Notre Dame To Celebrate “Coming Out As Episcopalian Day”

South Bend, IN–Just days before Notre Dame celebrates “Coming... Read More

Protestants Worldwide Venerate Statue Of Martin Luther In Honor Of Reformation Day

Image_Jorge Royan   Protestants from across the globe flocked to Wittenberg,... Read More

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Politics

Michael Voris Hair, Trump Hair Get Together For Drinks

Just days after Super Tuesday, Donald Trump’s hair reportedly called Texas Catholic... Read More

Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate

Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans “rapists”... Read More

New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More

California Drought Forcing Churches To Ration Baptisms

In response to California’s four-year drought, California Governor Jerry Brown... Read More

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