Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences

Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday weekend, they are apparently not done yet. A new EOTT survey released... Read More

Mass

Thousands flock to St. Peter's to reserve spots for 27th Sunday in Ordinary time.

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

Z

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

Madison, WI––It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest.... Read More

Cantor

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

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Parish Life

rosary

Man May Have Accidentally Skipped Bead; Begins Decade Over Again

Bridgeport, CT––After having lost himself in a daydream while saying the rosary earlier this morning, 34-year-old Bridgeport resident Luke Spencer awoke unsure... Read More

Priest Really Can’t Wait to Hear Your Whole Life Story in Confessional

Sources reported earlier today that Fr. David Bryant, Pastor at St. Josephat Catholic Church in Santa Barbara, is really looking forward to hearing your entire... Read More

Nominal Catholic Parents Just Going To Kick Back And Let Son’s Religious Ed Teacher Do All The Work

Declaring that they didn’t have the knowledge or will to properly catechize their son, local nominal Catholic parents Bert and Donna Tomlinson told the press... Read More

Knights Of Columbus Totally Not Catholic Version Of Freemasons

New Haven, CT––The Knights of Columbus, which are made up of wealthy white men and organized into Jurisdictions, Districts, and Councils boasting of over 14,000... Read More

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Libs & Trads

"The only question that remains is what name he shall take?"

Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag

“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.” VATICAN... Read More

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s... Read More

Protest

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics... Read More

Catholics For Choice Asks Vatican To Allow Abortions In Cases of Rape, Incest, Impending Prom

The pro-choice organization Catholics for Choice today sent a request to... Read More

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Politics

Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate

Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans “rapists”... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church in a referendum... Read More

St. Patrick’s Day Drunks And Gluttons Afraid Inclusion Of Gay Group At Parade Will Make Mockery Of Feast Day

New York, NY–The nation’s St. Patrick’s day drunks and gluttons expressed... Read More

Russian Orthodox Church Accused Of Doping Parishioners To Gain Spiritual Advantage

With Armageddon just around the corner, the Russian Orthodox Church is in the midst... Read More

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