Homeschool Mom Bribed Hundreds Of Dollars To Get Daughter Into Homeschool

Local mom Annette Bule allegedly paid close to $250 to fix her daughter’s entrance into homeschool. Bule is accused of paying a “fixer,”... Read More

Mass

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest

Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More

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Politics

Benedictines Suspend Monk For Bullying Novice

Miami, FL–Benedictines from around the country are calling on the superior of a local Order to “uphold its responsibility to maintain a safe prayer... Read More

Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate

Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans “rapists” and “disease carriers,” the 69-year-old business mogul has now decided... Read More

Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals

Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday his order that his church allow transgender parishioners to use the confessional they identify... Read More

As Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem

TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas has retaliated with a rocket that killed three just north of the Gaza Strip, bringing the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings,... Read More

Second Year Of Mercy To Allow An Individual’s Conscience To Absolve One’s Own Sins

The Vatican announced today that they will be opening a second Year of... Read More

Report: All That Really Matters Is Having A Good Heart

Portland, OR–A new study released today by millions of Catholics... Read More

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Vatican

New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way

VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope,... Read More

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically... Read More

“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says

VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever... Read More

Pope’s Announcement Regarding Potentially Allowing Married Men To Enter Priesthood Gives Hope To Nation’s Chalice Chippers

  Pope Francis has reportedly taken the first step in allowing married men... Read More

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