Prisoners Break Free From Lunch With Pope To Return To Prison

Image_Michael Coghlan   Two prisoners in Bologna, Italy escaped during their lunch with Pope Francis yesterday, reportedly fleeing back to their jail... Read More

Mass

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and... Read More

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest

Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Grief Counselors Dispatched To San Diego After New Progressive Bishop Named

A mobile team of professional grief counselors and psychologists from Lockword & Sandersen Mental Health, Inc., a clinic based in Raleigh, North Carolina, has... Read More

“Sedevacantist Singles” Employees Not Sure Whether To Recognize Authority Of Company President

Seattle, WA–After being called in to a meeting by Sedevacantist Singles President Michael Hoffman early Thursday morning, employees of the ultra-traditionalist... Read More

USCCB To Publish Compendium Of The Compendium Of The Catechism For College Students

Washington, DC––It was announced today that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops will be coming out with their highly anticipated Compendium of... Read More

Catholics Attending Sedevacantist World Youth Day Still Waiting For Pope To Arrive

Image: Socrates2008 Close to a month after World Youth Day in Poland concluded, many Catholics attending the Sedevacantist World Youth Day are reportedly still... Read More

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Parish Life

New Matt Fradd Anti-Porn Book Just 90-Pages Of Your Mother Staring Disappointedly At You

Matt Fradd has announced that his new anti-porn book, titled, “Oh... Read More

Loser Still Using Last Year’s Rosary Model

  43-year-old Arnold Corea told friends last night that, though he... Read More

Saint Stripped Of Halo After Francis Mistakenly Canonizes Wrong Blessed

Pope Francis took to Twitter to apologize Sunday night after accidentally... Read More

USCCB Announces Publication Of New Mad Libs Missal

In hopes of providing the nation’s Catholic priests a way to follow... Read More

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Politics

Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon

A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop... Read More

Supreme Court Demands Apology From God For Sodom And Gomorrah

Just hours after ruling that all Americans, no matter their sexual orientation,... Read More

Cardinal Kaspar Opposes Resettlement Of Traditionalist Refugees In Home Diocese

Cardinal Walter Kaspar’s anger over resettlement of ultra-traditionalist priests... Read More

Michael Voris Hair, Trump Hair Get Together For Drinks

Just days after Super Tuesday, Donald Trump’s hair reportedly called Texas Catholic... Read More

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