“Before Washington Was, I AM,” Trump Tells Reporters

Image: Gage Skidmore Speaking to a small crowd gathered outside the recently relocated American Embassy in Jerusalem, President Trump claimed himself... Read More


Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”

photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More

Catholic School Children Offended By Dumbed Down Homily

El Centro, CA–Students at St. Therese of Carmel Acadamy walked out of Mass confounded earlier this morning after parish priest Fr. Ted Cordova delivered an over simplified homily about the Lord’s command to forgive “not... Read More

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence... Read More

Report: All That Really Matters Is Having A Good Heart

Portland, OR–A new study released today by millions of Catholics and non-Catholics from across the globe shows that having a good heart is more pleasing to... Read More

Pope Encourages Women To Reveal Breasts In Sistine Chapel, Feminist Newspaper Reports

VATICAN––“He is 77, celibate, and the Vicar of Christ; a role which, up until his papacy, was known for its prudishness,” Evi Quinn, journalist for the... Read More

Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled by the Vatican on Tuesday, some of which reveal that women in early Christianity... Read More

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Vatican Investigating Possible Russian Orthodox Hack Of 2013 Papal Elections

In a surprise press conference today, Monsignor Buonarroti, Head of the... Read More

California Drought Forcing Churches To Ration Baptisms

In response to California’s four-year drought, California Governor Jerry... Read More

Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors

VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More

PETA Protesters Throw Paint On Francis For Wearing Lamb

PHOTO: OSSERVATORE ROMANO/REUTERS Gatecrashing St. Peter’s Square this... Read More

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Francis Declares Plane Interviews New Authoritative Form Of Magisterial Teaching

Pope Francis gave a press conference on his flight back to Rome Thursday, declaring... Read More

Pope Warns Warmongers One Last Time Before Unleashing His Vengeance

Image: Andrew Hermiz   After celebrating the Feast of All Souls Day last week,... Read More

‘The Walking Pope’ Mid-Season Finale Recap

Season 3 of The Walking Pope has been a downward slide for EWTN who produced the... Read More

Curia Surprises Francis with One-Way Ticket to Buenos Aires

Roman Curia officials pulled out all the stops this year to celebrate the 4th anniversary... Read More

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