“Before Washington Was, I AM,” Trump Tells Reporters

Image: Gage Skidmore Speaking to a small crowd gathered outside the recently relocated American Embassy in Jerusalem, President Trump claimed himself... Read More

Mass

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More

There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”

Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed this afternoon that at one point during his first ever Clown Mass, he looked down at his oversized checkered shoes as he was praying and thought to himself, “Edmond,... Read More

Seating For Mass Turns Chaotic After Ushers Call In Sick

Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews. Mass at St. Alphonsus Parish quickly turned chaotic earlier this morning after all eight ushers called in sick with the flu. 66-year-old Herman Wible, who one of the... Read More

Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire

Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence... Read More

Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend... Read More

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist... Read More

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Politics

Pope Michael Declares Emergency to Install Communion Rails

Pope Michael announced Friday that he was declaring a state of emergency... Read More

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the... Read More

Cardinal Kaspar Opposes Resettlement Of Traditionalist Refugees In Home Diocese

Cardinal Walter Kaspar’s anger over resettlement of ultra-traditionalist... Read More

Meryl Streep Takes Aim At Dubia During Golden Globes Speech

Image: neon-tommy Just moments after being honored at the Golden Globes... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Seen Walking Around The Vatican Carrying Bloody, Barbed Wire Baseball Bat

Rumors out of Rome began swirling yesterday after Pope Francis was seen walking... Read More

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically... Read More

Pope Francis Calls Zack Snyder To Complain About Choice Of Ben Affleck For Batman

Hollywood, CA––”Hello, it’s Pope Francis,” were the first... Read More

No Winner In Vatican Powerball Lottery; Jackpot Now Estimated 700 Million Indulgences

Image: Wikicommons The largest jackpot in Vatican history — now an estimated... Read More

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