Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

February 24, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself that they were enjoyable movies, or lead a ‘double life’ where you defend the DC Cinematic Extended Universe externally but feel a deep sadness about it internally, perhaps it’s better not to call yourself a believer in God at all,” Pope Francis said on Friday. “So many fanboys insist the critics got it wrong and that the Rotten Tomatoes scores don’t reflect... Read More

Woman Shocked To Learn Her Daughter Eloping In Vegas After Doing Nothing to Catechize Her

February 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux Local Catholic Marissa Vaughan was saddened to learn this afternoon that her daughter had decided to elope in Las Vegas after years of not doing jack to catechize her. In what came as a “complete and utter shock,” a tearful Vaughan told EOTT this morning that the decision was very much disappointing, especially considering how much money she and her husband spent on “Catholic school.” “I’m not... Read More

Vatican Pressured To Declare Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr

February 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Politics

Image:Official Leweb Photos

Image:Official Leweb Photos Several high ranking officials of the Bannonite Catholic Church today asked Pope Francis to declare former senior editor for Breitbart Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think gays are really gross and when they’re just regular, chaste ones faithful to the Church, I’m still quite happy to treat them as the creepy filth that they are,” said one... Read More

Burke Named Head Of Vatican’s Congregation Of Janitorial Services

February 16, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has named Cardinal Raymond Burke to be the first prefect of the Congregation of Janitorial Services. Francis’ decision to choose the staunch conservative to head the new department is a sign to many that Francis does see a role for Burke in his pontificate, despite disagreements the two have had in the past. Several sources in the Vatican say that Francis chose Cardinal Burke because he is known to work well... Read More

Gregory The Great Wins Grammy For Best Chant

February 13, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Saint Gregory the Great was awarded the Grammy for Best Chant last night at the 59th annual Grammy Awards. Accepting his award for ‘Salve’ the Roman artist paid tribute to Jesus Christ, whom he said he loved “like a father.” “I can’t possibly accept this award,” a clearly emotional Gregory said in his acceptance speech. “I’m very humble and I’m grateful and gracious, but the music of my life is Corsican,... Read More

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