New Study Finds People Are Immune To COVID-19 While Rioting And Looting

June 4, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

By Kevin Kukla (ProLife365.com) Mainstream media outlets from across the country this morning have been reporting on a breakthrough study that shows that to build immunity to COVID-19, all one has to do is to stand in the middle of a riot while holding a looted item. “We are not sure, but we suspect stolen cardboard packages containing such items as television sets, video game systems, and the like, work best to create some kind of protective... Read More

Parishioners Eagerly Anticipate Return To Distant, Unwelcoming Community

May 26, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

With Masses resuming in the next couple of weeks, many Catholics are now eagerly anticipating their first non-virtual interaction with the distant, unwelcoming community that they haven’t seen in months. As bishops and priests from across the country prepare for the monumental task of reopening churches with strict guidelines, many are looking forward to their first Mass with their cold and detached parishioners. “It’s really... Read More

Limiting Parishioners To 10 Per Mass No Problem For Local Diocese

May 22, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Telling his flock that their state ordinance limiting the amount of parishioners that can be inside a church at any given time to ten was “absolutely no problem whatsoever” for their diocese, local bishop Robert McDowell reportedly said that the ordinance could limit that number to five for all he cared and it still wouldn’t have that much of an impact. “Not a problem at all,” McDowell said in a livestream message... Read More

So-Called “Christian” Wearing A Mask

May 21, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

So-called “Christian” and “believer” Alexander Humphrey was seen early this morning wearing a mask, despite the “fact” that he has been baptized, and therefore should heed the words of scripture and not fear, for the Lord is with him. According to several sources, fraud and imposter Alexander Humphrey, who up till this morning was widely known as a model Christian, was shopping at a local grocery store when he... Read More

Online Backbiting, Bickering About Receiving Communion In The Hand Expected To Reopen

May 18, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Longtime combox contributor P90xcelsis Deo announced this morning that subjects such as receiving communion in the hands as well as holding hands during the Our Father were to reopen within the next couple of weeks. “This all depends on when certain dioceses reopen Masses to the public,” Deo wrote in all caps and three exclamation points. “Obviously the faster they open up, the faster we forget how thankful we are to actually just be there­––that’s... Read More

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