Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

March 13, 2015 by  
Filed under Mass

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the loving embrace of neighbor. “The Mass is the primary place for an intimate encounter with our neighbor,” Duggan said. “The Church ask those who make up the Body of Christ to gather at least... Read More

Man On Catholic Match About Ready To Message-Bomb 130 Women

March 9, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Friends of longtime Catholic Match subscriber Chuck-50012 told authorities today that he was in the development stages of a mega-message bomb that could potentially hit 130 woman across the nation. The 34-year-old web developer from San Luis Obispo, California reportedly told friends recently that he was just months away from unleashing a “love bomb” on the last 130 women on the popular dating site that he has not yet messaged. “He’s clearly an... Read More

Grief Counselors Dispatched To San Diego After New Progressive Bishop Named

March 5, 2015 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

A mobile team of professional grief counselors and psychologists from Lockword & Sandersen Mental Health, Inc., a clinic based in Raleigh, North Carolina, has been dispatched to San Diego to treat Catholics suffering unbearable grief in the wake of the appointment by Pope Francis of the progressive Robert McElroy to be the next Bishop of San Diego and successor of Bishop Cirilo Flores, who died in 2014. One distraught parishioner, who agreed to speak... Read More

U.S. Bishops Petition Holy See To Mandate Hand Squeeze Following Doxology

March 2, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

At a press conference today in the nation’s capital, Cardinal Emeritus Roger Mahoney of Los Angeles announced that the USCCB is petitioning the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments to require that parishioners give a “good, humanity affirming squeeze” following the doxology which concludes the Lord’s Prayer during Mass. “God’s people have been spontaneously doing this for years anyway,” Mahoney told... Read More

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