Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

December 5, 2012 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend depleted their Welch’s 100% Grape Juice reserve before everyone was able to partake in the breaking of bread. “We honestly just didn’t expect that that many people would show,” Sandera told Eye of the Tiber. “30 people! It’s our first year as a church, so I guess we’re still learning.”

One Newlife member, who asked to remain anonymous, claims that the 24-ounce bottle of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice used for communion was half empty before the service had even begun. “One of Pastor Kyle’s kids got his hands on the bottle and was suckin’ that thing down like he’d never tasted a symbolic representation of Christ’s blood before. It’s alright though,” he continued, “doesn’t say anywhere in scripture that the symbol of our Lord’s blood has to be Welch’s…that would be ridiculous.” The man went on to tell Eye of the Tiber that he was actually glad to see the grape juice finish before it got to him, and that he liked the replacement juice he received, jokingly calling it the “Capri Sun Sacrament.” “You know…nothing like sitting there in our church in the airconditioned boardroom at the Bay Front Motel 6 drinking a Capri Sun to help recall the Last Supper.”