People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation
Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More
“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More
Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name
Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More
New Eco-Friendly Church Using Biodegradable Chalice
LONDON––Speaking to an assembly of Catholic priests in London yesterday, Pastor of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church in nearby Chigwell, England Fr. Timothy Rooney announced yesterday that he would be transforming his church into a more... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Middle-Aged White Woman Gyrating Near Altar Just Like They Do In Kenya
Image: auntjojo 52-year-old liturgical dancing sensation Grace Weaver confirmed this morning that she planned on gyrating like all hell during Mass “just like... Read More
St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible
Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be... Read More
Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle
Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted... Read More
Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”
Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Fr. Walter Allen arrived dressed... Read More
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Politics
Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus
In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the... Read More
Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week
PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation... Read More
Vatican To Allow Trump To Choose American Bishops
Image: Gage Skidmore The Vatican’s recent agreement to give... Read More
Montana Bishop Candidate Allegedly Body Slams Catholic News Agency Reporter
Bodyslam-Hugo Fernandes Just days after rumors emerged that Montana... Read More
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Vatican
Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences
Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday... Read More
Pope: “Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone Is Also Badly Translated”
Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau Pope Francis has called for the renaming... Read More
Pope Francis Names 2014 “Year Of Terror”
VATICAN––In his General Audience today, Pope Francis announced that he would... Read More
Benedict Breaks Silence With Letter To Atheist; Atheist Denies Existence Of Letter
VATICAN–Breaking his silence for the first time since receiving a letter from... Read More