Paula Deen Not In Hot Water After Using Anti-Catholic Slur

June 30, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

Savannah, GA––Just weeks after admitting she used racist and anti-Semitic comments years ago, new video obtained by Radar Online shows celebrity chef Paula Deen making anti-Catholic comments to Food Network executive Ronald Fowler. The video, obtained by the entertainment and gossip website, shows Deen in her dressing room calling Fowler a “cookie-worshiping papist,” and going on to say that the “little cod-eating mackerel snapper”... Read More

Landmark Win For Individuals Who Experience And Act Upon An Exclusive Or Predominant Attraction Toward Persons Of The Same Sex

June 27, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––In a landmark win for thousands of people across America who suffer with and act upon homosexual tendencies, the U.S. Supreme Court yesterday ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was unconstitutional. The ruling came as welcomed news to hundreds of people gathered outside the Supreme Court who may or may not have recently acted upon intrinsically evil homosexual acts that are contrary to the natural law. “I just can’t... Read More

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

June 23, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi after remarks that she, as a Catholic, viewed the protection of the sacrifice of virgins during Black Masses as sacred ground. “As a practicing and respectful Catholic, this is sacred ground to me when we talk about this,” Pelosi said in a statement last week, going on to say that the subject of sacrificing the life of a worthy virgin... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

June 20, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin Flores told Eye of the Tiber that Warner, whose homily was now running more than 25 minutes long, did not seem to be losing any steam whatsoever. “There was a couple times there where we thought he was about... Read More

Diocese Of Fairbanks, Arkansas To Evangelize Modern World By Obtaining An Email Address

June 16, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Fairbanks, AR–Citing a need to “engage the modern world” and “reach out to the estranged youth of America,” the Office of Evangelization for the Catholic Diocese of Fairbanks, Arkansas faxed a report to the Associated Press this morning confirming plans that the Diocese will soon be obtaining an email address. “Once our modem is hooked up, we will be able to take part in the world wide webs,” a secretary told Eye... Read More

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