Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of the Feast of the Assumption. “Yeah, it’s just, I’m so swamped Thursdays cause of work and stuff. And this week especially cause I got the fish bowl I gotta clean, as well as my hair…not to mention... Read More

Mystery Priest At Car Accident Revealed, Heralded As Courageous Man Who Wore Clerics In Public

The “Missouri Miracle” mystery priest who ministered to Katie Lentz following a head-on crash with another vehicle came forward yesterday morning and revealed himself on the National Catholic Register. Today we learn more about the courageous priest who dared to wear his clerics in public despite the ridicule he would potentially receive from other priests in the area. Officer James Rigby with the Missouri State Highway Patrol told EOTT that... Read More

First Ever “World Geriatric Day” To Take Place In Boca Raton

Pope Francis announced this morning that the location of the first ever World Geriatric Day will take place in Boca Raton, Florida next year. Just days before his arrival in Krakow, Francis told reporters that “These kids already got the idea,” and went on to express his desire to reach their grandparents, which comes as welcomed news for many elderly Catholics who have felt marginalized in the Church. 74-year-old Ruth Conway told EOTT that she... Read More

Man Who’s Able To Bring Christ Down From Heaven To Earth Required To Get Permission From Parish Council For Something

Image: WIkiCommons Fr. Kenneth Roberts of Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Albany, New York announced today that despite having the power and authority to bring Christ down from Heaven during the Mass, he is still, for some unfathomable reason, still  required to get permission from the parish council about most everything he does. “I guess I’m just kinda confused,” Roberts told EOTT after his request for money to purchase a more proper... Read More

Matt Fradd Named Eye Of The Tiber’s Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive

Eye of the Tiber is happy to announce that Catholic apologist Matt Fradd has been named its 2013 Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive. His rugged good looks, dirty blond locks, and of course the masculine, yet somehow soft and gentle sound of this Aussie’s voice helped make him this year’s top choice. Although this Australian by birth, Catholic by choice hottie spends his time preparing for talks on subjects such as chastity, love, and the dangers... Read More

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