Family Atheist Disproves Existence Of Grandfather He’s Never Seen

December 8, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics

Grandpa Joe
Fort Lauderdale, FL–As debate continued over whether or not it was appropriate for members of the Hamilton residence to discuss the topic of Grandpa Joe in the home, family atheist Rob Hamilton, 29, argued with family members that they had absolutely zero “rock-hard evidence” proving the existence of his so-called “grandpa.” Hamilton told a gathering at the annual Hamilton Family Reunion that he has in fact definitively disproven the existence of his grandfather, and planned to reveal his findings in his new book, The Grandpa Joe Delusion. “In my book, I eviscerate the major arguments for the existence of my grandpa and I demonstrate the supreme improbability that we actually have one in the family,” Hamilton told family members gathered around a picnic table. “Furthermore, I show how a belief in this supposed grandfather that many of us has never even seen or heard from has fueled turmoil in the family, causing conflicts that would never have arisen if we all accepted that there is no Grandpa Joe. Moreover, I buttress points with proof from disproving that he his my father’s father.” Hamilton went on to ask several members of the family how they could believe in a grandpa that would allow them to suffer while they were having financial troubles in the late 90’s. “It is said that he was a wealthy man, a well-renowned watch-maker, and that the watch my father wears was made by him. To this first point I ask, ‘Why did he not send us money when we were financially strapped?’ To the second, simply because my father’s watch is beautiful, there is no reason to believe that just because it is beautiful, that it necessarily had to have made by him.” Hamilton went on to add that all the mentions of Grandpa Joe in the Hamilton Family History book were obviously made up by his own father, who was clearly in a desperate state at the time of the writing of the history. “At the time he wrote the book, our family was immigrating from England, and many did not want to leave. My father needed a way to bring the fear of some wealthy and powerful member of the family demanding that we leave England to actually have them move.” Hamilton clinched his argument by asking the irrefutable question “Who was Grampa Joe’s grampa?”