New Orlando Parish To Be Named “Our Lady Of Good Intentions”

May 4, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Orlando, FL––After months of debate, officials have confirmed that a new Catholic church slated to be built this summer has officially been named Our Lady of Good Intentions.

The name of the multi-million dollar church designed by Florida priest Fr. William Kessler has been debated for the past two years. But after a poll was taken by Orlando residents last month between Our Lady of Good Intentions and Our Lady of Those Who Mean Well, the former title narrowly won out with 54% of the vote.

“Both names would’ve certainly worked,” Kessler said as he peered out onto the vacant lot where thousands of Catholics will soon be taught that all Jesus desires is a person who means well. “In fact, one of the early front runners for me personally was Our Lady of Those Who, Even Though Might Not Attend Mass Regularly, At Least, You Know, Have Good Hearts And Try To Be Good Because God Is In Your Heart, Anyway, So Don’t Judge Me, Because God Said Not To Judge.”

Kessler went on to quote Shakespeare’s famous play Romeo and Juliet, saying, “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” and that no matter the name, the point is that people feel welcome, and don’t feel like they’re being judged; as long as they’re good people that mean well.

At press time, Kessler has declined to comment on what constitues “good.”