Daylight Savings News: Sedevacantist Family Moves Clocks Back Seven Centuries

After having set the family clock back seven centuries for daylight savings this past weekend, patriarch of a local sedevacantist family told EOTT this morning that, although he was excited about moving the clock back to “a better time,” that it was still weird getting used to the time change.

“Oh, it’s always weird trying to adjust to a time change,” said a sick Jeremy Miller as he tried to fight off a bout with the Black Plague. “Especially when you’re adjusting your clock to a time when the Mass was said properly and people had morals and were happy. Still, it’s a change when you’re used to the sun being out for longer. Your body and mind really need to get used to the facts that it’s going to get dark earlier and that if you have to defecate, it’s gonna have to be in a disease infested bucket. I guess the good thing is that you gain a few centuries of sleep, which you really need if you’re gonna find the energy and strength to survive the Great Famine which is killing millions of people as we speak.”

Miller went on to report that, although he was beginning to enjoy the time change, it was still odd to hear himself being referred to as “old man” at the age of 36.