Man Fasting From Meat On Fridays Turns On Inner Kobayashi Minutes Before Clock Strikes Midnight

March 19, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life


Noticing that he only had minutes before the clock struck midnight, local Catholic Marc Oliver turned on his inner Kobayashi and was able to devour a personal record of hot dogs in just minutes, sources are confirming.

“I had lost track of time, but luckily I had my hot dogs lined up with two cups of water in the dining room,” Oliver said, adding that both cups of water were strictly for dipping and softening the bread.

“I’ve been drinking a lot more water since Lent started just for cases like this. The water helps stretch the stomach so that more food can fit in it in a shorter amount of time. Anyhow, with just ten minutes to spare before it turned Friday, I snapped the wieners in half, swallowing a large bite of hot dog before chasing it with a fistful of wet bun. The bun, dunked in hot water, helped coax the dog down my throat as I prepped the next mouthful. The water’s temperature is very important to my method. Cold water constricts the stomach, warm water opens it up.

Oliver said that after wolfing down 24.5 hotdogs in just under ten minutes, that he could potentially go the rest of Lent without of meat.

At press time, Oliver is in the restroom.