Atheist Blesses Sneezing Woman

June 21, 2018 by  
Filed under Parish Life



Local atheist Thomas Winters has been accused of saying “Bless you” to a stranger who sneezed late Wednesday night, several sources are reporting.

Friends of Winters say that at approximately 11:07 pm at Burger Club Lounge, Winters, a staunch atheist, blessed a man sitting at a table next to him, and then continued to bless him after each consecutive sneeze.

Winters allegedly said “bless you” up to ten times as the stranger underwent a severe sneeze attack.

Longtime friend of Winters, Ben Daltrey, called the accusations “false and slanderous.”

“Thomas did not say and would never say ‘Bless you.’ He said ‘Gesundheit’ which means health—and atheists take no issue with the concept of health. In the end, I believe that truth and logic will prevail.”

But others like Burger Club Lounge waitress Donna McPherson heard differently, saying that Winters did bless the man at least ten times.

“I know Thomas—he’s a regular here, so I know that he’s atheist. He once made fun of my cross and told me that I might as well wear a unicorn medallion. So when I heard him say ‘bless you’ I dropped my tray and turned to look, and lo and behold, there was Thomas.”

Another friend of Winters and fellow atheist, Conner Strauss, confirmed to EOTT that Winters did in fact say “bless you,” and did so repeatedly between bites of his vegan burger.

“As a militant atheist myself, I’m not nearly as offended at the fact that he blessed the man, as I am at the fact that he had to say it after each sneeze. Just say it once and let it go, for goodness sake!”